Thursday, March 26, 2009

EN-E-MA

First off, I have to tell you how utterly disappointed I was on my way to Bible study tonight. There is a house under construction that I’ve wanted to get into, but those construction guys got smarter about how they are locking up the houses (click here to read about my B&E adventure). Now I need an actual tool to get in and I keep forgetting to look for one.

Anyway, one of the doors was wide open, but I was running late. I was carrying my coffee cake AND my dinner plate filled with pizza rolls to Bible study – that’s how late I was. So I couldn’t go and properly explore beforehand, and by the time Bible study was over, it was dark. Shaz-bah, better luck next time.

I was not disappointed in our Bible study though. Back when I was a kid, my parents really didn’t talk very frankly to me about the body. This seemed to be the case with most of the other ladies in the group. I said most . . .

Do you remember when you first learned what an enema was? I know it’s a common question and I’m sure you have a story at the ready. Please share it by leaving a comment below.

I really couldn’t tell you about the first time I figured out what it was. I can tell you the first time I had to give someone an enema. My niece was constipated & I had some of those baby enemas. My sister actually administered it. Normally, it takes a little bit for them to go to work and you have a chance to get a diaper on. Not my niece – it was soooooo disgusting. I don’t know how that much poop accumulates in a baby. It was kind of like when you squeeze the play-doh through the snake maker. Yuck!

One of my friends in Bible study remembers her first time quite clearly, and the story demonstrates a dramatic difference in 80’s parenting styles.

As a youngster, my friend, we’ll call her “P”, and her friend “Q” heard the word “enema”, but neither of them knew what it meant. They started tittering about it and finally decided they would each ask their moms, then get back together and compare notes.

This story exemplifies the “lost enema generation.” They had to go to their parents and actually ASK!

Back in the really olden days (40’s & 50’s), everyone over the age of four knew what an enema was. That was a time when mothers were obsessed with your poop. If you didn’t poop for even one day, you got an enema. It was part of the evening bedtime check list:

  • Jammies on?
  • Brush your teeth?
  • Go potty?
  • Did you poop today?
If the answer was no, you had go to the clinic (they had special clinics for this) first thing in the morning. Mothers would fret about your lack of poop all evening and into the night. Fathers, on the other hand, saw the clinics for what they were – a profitable business.

“So Bill, what do you do for a living?”

“Well, Bob, I’m an enema administrator.”

“Wow! Now, that’s job security – don’t see you hitting the bread line anytime soon. Every time I drive by, those places are packed. And I don’t mean just the number of people!”


Today, kids would just Google it. Then they would text the definition to all their friends. Phones would be a buzzin’ all over the playground. “OMG! NMA is so NAGI!”

But, as I said, P & Q had to ask their parents a question – OMG, the horror!

Q got the prim and proper answer:

“Well, I asked my mom. She looked a little shocked, and then she smiled and giggled. My dad told her to go ahead and tell me. So she said, ‘Honey (giggle, giggle), let’s sit down a moment. An enema (more giggling and somewhat uncomfortable smirking) is when they insert a tube into your anus and use water to gently flush out any compacted fecal matter.’ What did your mom say?”

P got the straight up version:

“It’s where they squirt water up your ass so you shit.”

After the roar of laughter died down, somehow our fearless leader was able to pull our study group back to God’s word (she's really good at it). The key verse related to our entire study last night was 1 Corinthians 6:19:

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?"

Maybe we all need to keep this verse in mind and get ourselves a mental enema – flush all the shit out so you can take care of the body you have been given & strengthen your relationship with God.



Silver lining:
  1. God and enemas – who knew?

  2. Things don’t change that much from generation to generation. Moms still obsess over poop; we just don’t go to the same extremes.

8 People Laughed Along With Me, Won't You?:

Penny Karma said...

This totally reminded me of the time my dad (who's a retired minister) said in his sermon that sometimes "God needs to 'goose' us."

A Karma family classic.

Anonymous said...

I do remember and that is why you and your sister never knew what an enema really was! I swore I would never do that to my children.

When the words would come "Did you poop today" I used to lie to my mom when she asked - you see OUR enema's consisted of a rubber water bottle filled with warm water and a connection device with a rubber tube and then this awful looking thing on the end of it. We had to lay across our moms lap, and she inserted this "thing" than lifted our legs so the water would flow through the tube and well.....you can guess the rest! NOPE, not ever going to tell her I didn't poop today (once was enough)!!!!!!!

I know my body is the temple for the Holy Spirit, and I'm sure glad God figured out a way to clean me out (or Goose me)with less trauma. The mental enema is sooooooo much better.

Now, aren't you glad we didn't discuss this when you were younger???:)::)

The MOM

Melania's Blog said...

I can't believe you just wrote that!!!

Very glad this was something we didn't discuss - I may not have pooped for a week out because I was so worked about the the possibility of an enema. What a vicious cycle - to scared to poop because of the possibility of an enema = increased likelihood of needing an enema! CRAP!

Jenn said...

ROFLMAO...this is hysterical...

I just don't remember when I learned what an enema is...although I believe it was when I was an adult. Great verse...although I am not sure I'll ever read it again and not think of an enema!!

Cheers, Jenn.

MzzLily said...

My Bible study teacher would shit!

The Laughing Idiot said...

Ha, Ha!

Pun intended??

Anonymous said...

Thank God I have never had to have an Enema - NO problem pooping here! - Danny

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

hahahahahaahahaha! I havent a clue when I first heard the word. Im sure my mother couldnt have managed either of those two extremes! But lol on the post. hysterical... thanks for the giggle

tracy

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