Wednesday, June 10, 2009

You Ever Have One of Those Days?

Neither the phone nor the shower gods were looking down on my friend Ari recently. In fact, they both conspired against her in order to cause great pain and embarrassment.

Ari was in the shower when the phone started ringing. How many times has this happened to you? Nobody else in the house seems to be answering it. They just assume you’re going to do it even though you just told them ten minutes ago you were going to take a shower.

So what do you do? Let it go to the answering machine (nobody has these things any more, do they? They really should be Smithsonian bound.) or voicemail, right?

Not Ari.

No, she jumped out of the shower & ran for the phone.

Along the way, she tripped over a body pillow lying on the floor, curled her toes (a bit too much it turns out), and ended up sprawled out on the floor.

Neked.

Somehow, she made it to the phone and was able to answer with a guttural, “Hello,” BEFORE it got to voicemail. She must not have let it ring very long before jumping out of the shower. She certainly had time to grab a towel.

Honestly, who did she think it was that she needed to get to the phone right away? The Queen of England, Ed McMahon?

Probably not Ed. He would have shown up at the front door. Can you imagine that? He and the rest of the Publishers Clearing House posse are standing outside her door with that gigantic check and balloons AND a camera. Then, there’s Ari whipping open the door.

Neked.

Her foot was killing her and swelling up. She managed to put clothes and scrounge up one of the not-answering-the-phone folks for a trip to the emergency room.

Once you get to that triage area, the first thing they ask you is, “How did this happen?” Being the type of person she was, Ari told them the whole story. Hello! Lie a little and say you tripped over something like a dead body, not a pillow!

Upon inspection, the doctors told Ari her toe was turning a beautiful shade of purple. First off, since when is anything painful even remotely beautiful? Secondly, she totally had to check it out at home with a mirror because she just not that bendy anymore. Unfortunately, for you all, she didn’t take pictures. Well, maybe it’s fortunate. I’ve never seen her feet. They could be knurled and decrepit for all I know.

Turns out she chipped the bone in her big toe when she tripped over the pillow. How do you break a toe on a pillow? Really, did it have rocks in it? A dead body?

She’ll have to alter her shower routine from now on. She’s got a few options:

  • Don’t answer the phone – that’s what voicemail is for.

  • Bring a phone into the bathroom – like in fancy hotels.

  • Shower in a swimsuit – dual duty (sorta) in that the shower cleans you body and does a bit of laundry.



Silver lining:

  1. She willingly shared this story AND watched me make notes in the black book so she can’t be mad at me for sharing.

  2. It wasn’t me! :)

12 People Laughed Along With Me, Won't You?:

DirtRaceFan55 said...

Ok I just have to say don't feel bad. When I lived in the city it was a bungalow home, living room in the front, dining room then bedroom, bathroom, bedroom, kitchen. I was in the bathroom showering and behold my phone was in the living room (mind you we had hard wood floors too) when it started to ring, I jumped out of the shower and ran to get it (since I carpooled to work with Amanda I knew it was her), picture this - a naked fat man (not really fat but I do have more baggage than Southwest Airlines) sliding through the dining room on his right side to get his phone in the living room - this was very entertaining for the dog and cat. I got to the phone to find out Amanda was calling to tell me she was going to be 10 minutes late. I had a bruise on my hip for two weeks. Imagine this wet feet on hard wood floors = no traction. Until now no one knew of this story.

cheriezrecipes.blogspot.com said...

I think dirtracefan55's story was just as entertaining as Ari's...You should have let her write it in her little black book and YOU could have been her next blog...although you did a pretty good job of telling on yourself!!! LOL

chicamom85 said...

What a great story and I do feel bad for the hurt toe. I am such a clutz I understand how you could break a toe on a pillow.

Anne

MzzLily said...

A pillow? Why is it that some people can't just let it ring? I will not get up from the dinner table to answer the phone. The rest of my family treats the jingling as an emergency situation that requires rapid reaction! I can see them flipping over the pillow...

BarbiePhobia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
~K~ said...

Ha Ha, that is great! A great story to share at parties.

Un[Censored] said...

Hey hey, pillows can be LETHAL! I knocked my sister's front teeth out with a pillow...no, there wasn't a bar of soap hidden in there, and it wasn't one of those Tempurpedic pillows, either. Now, I'll tell you what, if you have ever felt a Tempurpedic pillow, you'll know what I'm talkin' about.

Good stuff, I'm adding you to my follow list.

Nice word verification at the bottom...the word of the day:
Curge: noun, the southern pronounciation of the word "courage". (I should know, my whole family is south of the Mason Dixon Line, with the exception of my uncle, who got tired of the accent and decided to escape while he still had a chance to lose the accent...and myself, who lives in an accent neutral state.)

If you get a chance, check out my blog. You might get a bit of a chuckle out of it.

http://weekfullofmondays.blogspot.com/

SquirrelQueen said...

It happened here about an hour ago, the phone rang, I was in the shower, Steve was outside. Voicemail.

If it is important they will leave a message.

SQ

The Laughing Idiot said...

Voicemail is a wonderful thing - as long as you remember the password to access it.

I'd have to round three corners to make it to the phone from the shower - soooo not going to happen!

Just tonight I almost broke my neck on a pillow. I made the decorative pillows in our bedroom so the filling is very slippery when you step on it. Yah, I totally stepped on it tonight and except for a near-by wall, I could have broken something too.

- Jan - said...

I used to run to my phone everytime it rang too, but not anymore. Not since that I learned, that if it is important, then they will definitely leave a message or just call you back in the next, err... 5 minutes? Maybe less. I'd run if the phone keeps ringing and ringing and ringing ... But the story is so funny. Thanks for sharing it. And thanks to your dear Ari too :)

Pwn Star said...

Lol!

I take my cell phone to the shower with me. I leave it right outside the door. When it rings, I hear it.

BUT, I look at the number first to see who it is. ONLY if it's someone worthy of interrupting my shower, do I jump out to answer.

You must share my strategy with her. It'll save her future injuries!

:o)

M. Stokes said...

I am glad that all of your friends have a great sense of humor! lol

And sometimes as the saying goes, you gotta laugh to keep from crying..

I look forward to more of your posts. lol

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