Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I’m Feelin’ the Love

I received the Noblesse Oblige award today! Thank you so much 1.000.000 Project!

I still can’t believe my little blog is liked by so many.

noblesse_oblige_award


The recipient of this award is recognized for the following:

1) The Blogger manifests exemplary attitude, respecting the nuances that pervades amongst different cultures and beliefs.
2) The Blog contents inspire; strives to encourage and offers solutions.
3) There is a clear purpose at the Blog; one that fosters a better understanding on Social, Political, Economic, the Arts, Culture and Sciences and Beliefs.
4) The Blog is refreshing and creative.
5) The Blogger promotes friendship and positive thinking.



Reading these recognition points, I wasn’t so sure I fit the bill – it was the “clear purpose” part that was giving me trouble. But after thinking about it a little more, I realized I did have a purpose. Thank goodness, I didn’t want have to turn down my award!!! I’ve been honored three times this week, but I’ll try not to let it go to my head.

So what is my purpose, you say?

It’s to bring a bit of sunshine into someone’s life everyday. I may not post everyday, but I can see I have visitors on a daily basis :)

Hopefully, I lighten the load for someone who may be going through the same thing. I’m sure my positive outlook on the every day calamities, gives others hope that they can get through a similar experience.

On a personal level, I have an outlet for my creative side. I’m an accountant (you would have never guessed that, would you?) so the right side of my brain gets used a lot.

The left side of my brain was really needing some serious exercise. I could feel the left half atrophy-ing. So much so I started getting a little “Night at the Roxbury” action going on. The weight of my head had shifted to the right, pulling the right side toward my shoulder. Naturally, I felt like I had to pull it back to the left, but never quite got my head to stay upright.

My other purpose is to reach out to my fellow bloggers. Giving you all a reason to read, and getting your comments, validates the goofy crap that happens in my life. Like in my post about my workplace restroom, I had so many comments about everyone else’s pet peeves and experiences, I felt justified in my oddball observations. Sometimes I feel like it’s just me who experiences these things, but it turns out, you guys are just as messed up :)

Not only do many of all your posts boost me up when I’m feeling down, I get ideas on how to deal with my children, my stalkers, my most embarrassing situations, financial issues, etc. Sometimes I even have something to offer up in return.

Keep the comments coming. Your feedback brightens my day a validates my principal purpose – to brighten your day and at least give you a reason to giggle.

The Blogger who receives this award will need to perform the following steps:
1) Create a Post with a mention and link to the person who presented the Noblesse Oblige Award.
2) The Award Conditions must be displayed at the Post.
3) Write a short article about what the Blog has thus far achieved – preferably citing one or more older post to support.
4) The Blogger must present the Noblesse Oblige Award in concurrence with the Award conditions.
5) The Blogger must display the Award at any location at the Blog.

In light of the conditions above, I would now like to present this award to:

http://jennscornertable.blogspot.com/

Silver lining:

  1. There are so many talented bloggers out there, it was hard to choose just one.
  2. Jenn's strength is unmeasurable in my eyes and should be an inspiration to us all.

Redemption

I normall do not just cut & paste funny stuff, but this was just too good to keep to myself.


Keep in mind, this is not about blondes nor is it about women.


These contractors are installing the steel pillars in concrete to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a Sports Bar downtown. They are now in the process of cleaning up at the end of the day and anxious to go home.



How long do you think it will be before they realize where they parked?
Silver Lining:
1. Girls rule, boys drool! Redemption is ours ladies!
2. The "rescue" is bound to make it to the news and these guys have to explain their dumbass-ness to their wives.

I-Can-Not-Believe-It!

Oh, my goodness!

I've been given the "Kreativ Blogger" award!

Thank you so much Beauty (http://journeywithinyourself.blogspot.com/)!!



I hardly know what to say, but at the risk of sounding like a broken record, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." I just can't believe of all the blogs out there, she choose me.

Now I have the enormous task of choosing someone to pass this one to. I have so many choices . . .

After some consideration, I am passing this award on to (drumroll please):

Steve's Nude Memphis Blog

ta, da!

Nothing is too personal, irreverent, or taboo for him to share. Memphis must be one crazy city!

Yay, Steve!!!

Silver lining:

1. It's another happy night for this idiot!

2. I love sharing!

Monday, April 27, 2009

1/2 Ounce Per Minute

Consumption of a half an ounce per minute does not sound too bad.  I guess it depends on what you’re consuming.  Hotdogs, pie, hamburger, pizza, beer . . .

 

120 minutes, 3 ounces, 20 different beers.  Who’s in?

 

Hubby & I were.  It was time for the annual Pleasantville Beer Tasting Event.  Now, I’m a chic and I can not drink ANYONE under the table.  I’m the one who usually ends up there.

 

But the contest was on.  We had two hours to taste three ounce samples of twenty different beers.  Everyone attending the event had a card with the names & a short description of the beers (we’ll get to that in a moment).  As you got your sample, the server would “X” it out.  Whomever could fill their card with X’s first wins.

 

Unfortunately, I had to forfeit right off the bat.  I had my card and a pen handy at all times (forgot the black notebook at home) and was using my plastic cup to hold it down. 

 

Forget it – the wind just saw that as a challenge to see how fast it could pick up my card; thereby, tipping over my cup.  That happened on my fourth, sixth & seventh cup of beer. 

 

I finally learned my lesson and just held onto the card.  But not until I had spilled all three beers in the direction on my friend, Sugar’s, husband.  He finally got up an moved.  No one would sit across from me from that point on.  I felt like I was at the kids’ table, but there weren’t any other kids.  Are you shedding a tear for me yet?

 

I tried to explain that the wind was just assisting me in not acting like a beer sconge (that’s SCOH-nj, not SPUH-nj).  A beer sconge is one who only receives or takes from someone, but never offers any up.  See, I was just trying to share and be a giver.  Yah, no one else was buying it either.

 

Put the card in my pocket you say?  No way.  I needed it handy to write down the goofy shit.  The more I drank, the more difficult it would be to get the card out of my pocket.  I was liable to rip my pocket and I really like the pants I was wearing.

 

Now, I gotta tell you about some of the beers on the list.

 

Cooper’s Vintage Ale (Australia) – A robust English Ale from the land down under.  Robust indeed.  I’d like to know how it is still considered an English Ale.  Hasn’t Australia been independent from England for a long time.  We do not claim anything we develop is English, we call it American.  Hmmmm, puzzling indeed.

 

Curim Golden Celtic Wheat (Ireland) – An Irish Wheat Beer?  Heck, let’s give it a try.  Maybe I’m biased because I’m Irish, but this one was ok.

 

Weihenstephan Hefe Weiss (Germany) – From probably the oldest  brewery in the world.  Yup, this tasted old!  One table mate described it as tasting, “like it was filtered through my used toilet paper.”  That may have been a little strong, but it really wasn’t good. 

 

By the way, do you really think they needed to put the “Germany” behind the name?  With a name like that, I’m thinking, DUH!

 

Lindeman’s Peche Lambic (Belgium) – If you’ve loved their Raspberry Lambic, then give this peach a try.  Well, I’ve never had the Raspberry, nor was it offered so I’m not sure this was a good way to describe the beer. 

 

Anyway, this beer came in a champagne looking bottle.  I knew right away this was the beer for me (even if I’m not a peach fan).  Will & I had two different opinions on this one. 

 

My opinion was, “The brings new meaning to champagne taste on a beer budget.” 

 

Will’s opinion, “If I were camping with the boys and making bacon & eggs over a fire, this would be the perfect beer for breakfast.”

 

Big Sky Moose Drool (Montana) – This Brown Ale is proclaimed to be the best brewed beer to come out of Montana.  Good grief, I don’t even want to know what the second best is, let alone the worst!  Besides, can you believe “champagne” girl drank Moose Drool?

 

Schlitz (Wisconsin) – Nostalgia galore!  Our dads drank this!  No kidding, does this take you back?  My dad used to keep beer in the basement fridge (his preference was PBR, though), but I don’t think he ever saw the inside of it.  It was the job of us kids to fill it up when a new case came home, fetch a beer when asked, and take inventory on a regular basis so Mom knew when to get another case.  Honestly, this beer was better than most on the list.

 

That’s just the top six, the other fourteen are nothing to write home about.

 

We had a really good time and can’t wait until next year.

 

Silver lining:

  1. We finished our cards with five minutes to spare.
  2. We rode our bikes so we didn’t have to drive home.  I didn’t even fall down!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

It’s A Major Award!

Oh, my gosh!

I totally know how the dad in A Christmas Story felt when he received the huge crate labeled “FRA-GI-LE”!

I just got notification that I have won Neno’s Award!

Thank you to MzzLily for passing it on to me. I’m honored to know that I inject just a smidge of humor into your life.

Neno's_Award_icon

This award is:

  1. A dedication for those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging
  2. To seek reasons why we all love blogging.

I LOVE writing my blog. I could stop there because I really just love doing it, but I guess my acceptance speech needs to have a little more meat so I’ll continue.

I really like to tell stories and gracious listeners have often said I should write this stuff down. I’ve always blown them off because, who would want to read my stories – I’m a great story teller, but never thought of myself as a writer. Finally, one day, to shut them all up, I started my blog.

At first, I sent the first few lines to family & friends with a link to my blog for the rest of the story. Imagine my surprise when I had people ask to be added to the e-mail distribution. Okay, maybe I had something here.

Then, instead of hearing, “You should write this stuff down,” I started hearing, “I don’t know where you find the time.” This is from the same people who encouraged me to write!

To answer the “time” question – this stuff writes itself. We’re all just a bunch of silly people doing silly things. I’m just a witness who can spin ho-hum into ho-ho-hee-hee-haa-haa.

My next attempt at getting attention was in adding the “Followers” gadget. For all I knew, my family & friends were just being nice. Wouldn’t you know it, people wanted to read my stories – like regularly. Cool!

Now, I have this award! You like me! You really, really like me!

Aims of this award:

  1. As a dedication for those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging.
  2. To seek the reasons why we all love blogging.
  3. Put the award in one post as soon as you receive it.
  4. Don’t forget to mention the person who gave you the award.
  5. Answer the reward’s question by writing the reason why you love blogging.
  6. Tag and distribute the award to as many people as you like.

Since I received the award, I am grateful for the recognition of my dedication – that covers #1.

For #2, I got some reasons in reading MzzLily’s acceptance speech and hope to see some more from those receiving the award from me (see #6).

This is the post so I’ve got #3.

As for #4, I mentioned her above, but she’s worth mentioning again – thank you again MzzLily for presenting me with Neno’s Award!

I’ve covered #5 above the “Aims.”

Now, for #6. I’d like to recognize the following:

http://darkstormyloopy.blogspot.com/

http://ididntgetthemessage.blogspot.com/

http://pwnstaraction.blogspot.com/

http://www.outnumberedonline.com/

Silver lining:

  1. I’m going to be happy tonight!
  2. I’m just so honored (I always roll my eyes during award shows, but now I know it’s true)!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Kindergarten

At some point in your child’s life, you have to let go. For many of us, the first big step is when your child enters kindergarten.

Now, I’m not going to kid you. I’m going to go home and bawl like a baby after my baby gets on the school bus that first day – heck, I’m tearing up right now thinking about it. But I know I have to do it and I’m proud to say, so far Hubby & I have raised an independent, confident daughter.

What I don’t get are these parents who just don’t seem to get the fact that they are going to have to let go and at five, their child is ready to shed the parental coddling.

We went to a “Kindergarten Readiness” meeting last night. I have got to say, I don’t want to hang out with some of these parents. I'm referring to the type who:

  • Run to their kids every time they play on the playground
  • Volunteer to be a parent assistant at every activity their child is participating in (just to be sure Johnny is getting superior attention and to be there for peace of mind)
  • Helps to the point of taking over when ever their child is trying something new

I'm for parental involvement in their child's school and taking active interest in how their child is doing. But there is a fine line between smoothering and parental supervision. As a parent, you need to be acutely aware of this otherwise your child will run amok (as with no parental supervision) or be a meek person dependent on others for decision making - just my opinion.

The generalizations above are based on some of the questions asked last night.

There was a question about emergencies.

“What is your course of action when a child gets hurt of there is an emergency?”

The duh answer was, “We take your child to the nurse or if necessary, the nurse comes to us. In a major emergency 911 would be called. Depending on the severity, you will be contacted accordingly; either through a note home or a phone call.”

What did this parent think the teachers were going to say?

“Well, first we run around like chickens with our heads cut off. Then, we look at each other with blank stares while your child is bleeding profusely. Finally, we pray to God that an ambulance shows up – He usually listens. Next question?”

The teachers’ Power Point presentation included a typical daily schedule. Very clearly, it had a lunch time stated of 25 or 30 minutes.

“How much time do the kids get for lunch?”

Hello, can you not read? The teacher at the microphone pointed out the lunch time stated on the schedule. Whew, at least she encourages people (not just her students) to empower themselves and pay attention to information that has already been presented.

“I don’t see a time for nap. Will the children get a nap?”

Again, HELLO, can you not read? The schedule is up there and no nap is shown. You even observed that there was no nap time! What do you think?

Finally, the point of a parent not being able to let go.

The teachers assured us that they meet the kids at the bus each morning, walk the kids to the classroom, walk the kids to and from lunch and walk them to the bus at the end of the day. This makes sense because they are either outside where traffic could hurt them or it’s a long enough distance for a five year-old to get distracted.

However, there was a concern about bathroom breaks.

“What about the bathroom? Do they all go at the same time or does someone accompany them?”

Let go people! I have never been to a school where the bathroom requires a trip down the hall, up the stairs, through the boxwood hedge maze, and finally across the rickety bridge where the troll lives below.

Especially in an elementary school, bathrooms are not that far away from the classroom. I’m sure Cupie has ADD, but I still trust she can make the trip to the bathroom & back all by herself. Gee whiz, I even let her go to the bathroom by herself when we’re at the park.

Besides, a specific bathroom break was not on the schedule presented earlier. If everyone went to the bathroom at the same time, it would definitely require a designated time.

At one point during all this question and answer period, which seemed to take longer than the presentation itself, my friend Mary leaned over and said, “Have these people never been to school?”

That’s a scary question.

Silver lining:
  1. Cupie has an awesome daycare teacher. From the day one, the teacher treated them as though they were in kindergarten as far as raising their hands, waiting their turn, sitting quietly, expecting them to at least try everything put before them, and persevere when they have the skills, but something seems like an overwhelming task.

  2. Cupie is prepared for kindergarten. As far as the technical/intellectual skills required, she’ll meet or exceed expectations.

  3. Cupie is ready for a new challenge. She seems to excel when a surge when of new stuff to learn is put in front of her.

  4. On a selfish note, my daycare bill goes down & I finally get some payback on the portion of my property taxes that have been allocated to the school system.

Monday, April 20, 2009

You Say Tomayto, I Say Tomahto

We use some terms interchangibly in our household.

Cup, Glass

Cupboard, Counter

TV, Television

PB&J, Peanutbutter & Jelly

It's the last one that's confused my three-year-old.

On the way home from the farm Saturday, we were discussing lunch. Cupie said she wanted peanutbutter & jelly for lunch. Sounded agreeable to me, but I had to check with Stinkles. The child would eat chicken nuggets for every meal if I let her. If I didn't check, I could be in store for a royal tantrum.

My question to Stinkles was, "Stinkles, do you want peanutbutter & jelly for lunch?"

By the grace of God, she agreed.

Okay, so I get out the bread, jelly, peanutbutter & two identical plates (can't have different designs or that sets off an entire different tantrum - you have to pick your battles).

After making two identical sandwiches, I set one in front of Stinkles and said, "Here's your PB&J."

Tears formed and she said, "But I don't like PB&J, I want peanutbutter & jelly."

So I gave her the other plate (identical to the first) and said, "Sorry, Honey. Here's your peanutbutter & jelly."

She ate it without question.

What the hell? She saw me make the same sandwich!!! How can she like one, but not the other?

For the first time, I understand what my husband means about not understanding a woman's mind.

Whatever!

Silver Lining:
1. As long as we refer to the sandwich given to Stinkles as peanutbutter & jelly and the sandwich given to Cupie as PB&J, we don't get any tantrums.
2. The child will eat something other than chicken nuggets - which is good because we're out.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Restroom Evolution

That’s right, there has been an evolution of sorts going on with the restrooms here at the office. It’s been pretty slow, like over the last year or so. The other day, the newest characteristic was the icing on the cake and I can’t keep my thoughts to myself any longer.

The first, was the addition of one of those paper towel dispensers that you wave your hand in front of and an allotment of paper whirs out. I can’t figure out why this one is necessary.

It can’t be sanitary issues as there was already a paper towel dispenser that has those individual z-fold papers in it. They didn’t take it out. Besides, the new dispenser has a sensor that is so insensitive, you practically have to touch it to get it to spit out a paper towel. Now, how can that be more sanitary than the original 1970’s version. Actually, why does even matter how you get the paper towels out of a dispenser? The people touching it, just washed their hands, right??

Also, the new, automatic dispenser is so high on the wall, you have to reach up to wave at the sensor. This causes water to run down your arm and in your sleeves.

Around the same time, sanitary gel dispensers were added just outside the restrooms. Didn’t you just wash your hands???

The next round in the evolution was the addition of signage to the outside of the doors.

For Privacy Reasons,
Please Refrain from Using
Phones in the Restroom


Really??? Is there anyone who doesn’t know that everyone outside the restroom can hear every noise in the restroom?? That includes that fart you went to the restroom to “discretely” let go.

I work in an office of professionals and access is restricted to employees, contractors & temporary workers. How immature to they think we are? I honestly don’t think anyone here is going to go into the restroom with their cell phones with the intention of taking pictures over the stalls. Even if there are creepy contractors, I don’t see women contractors doing this. The restroom doesn’t have a gender check so the mere presence of a male in the woman’s restroom would cause enough ruckus – with or without a phone.

The newest restroom characteristic comes in the form of a SHARPS box. Any they advocating shooting up at work? I suppose this is to ensure you’re being safe with your needles. You wouldn’t want someone else gets a disease by sticking themselves with a used needle when they reach waaaaaay down in the trashcan.

While were on the subject of restrooms, can I jump off my topic for a moment (not that you can do anything about it, but I thought I’d be nice and ask)?

Isn’t there an unwritten rule about using the stall next to someone? Unless it is absolutely necessary, aren’t you supposed to have an empty stall between two users?

For example, if there are three stalls and they are all empty, you should choose the one of the end stalls. That way there the other end stall is available for another person; thus, leaving an empty stall in between. I can see your heads nodding – I knew I was right on this one!

Why, when I’m in a five staller (all empty upon entering) and I’m in the middle one, would some one choose the stall right next to me??? I clearly followed the rules and left at least two available, more desirable stalls – what gives??

Anyway, back to the original topic for the silver lining.

Silver Lining:
1. Obviously, work safety is a positive priority. I’m glad I work for a company that promotes this and takes it seriously.
2. I don’t have to worry about someone in Hong Kong hearing me pee via cell phone.
3. I don’t have to worry about someone taking my picture while in a compromised position.
4. I’m not going to get any germs from the paper towel dispensers (unless someone at the paper towel factory sneezed on them during the rolling process).
5. In the highly unlikely even I get hooked on drugs so I can fry my brains like eggs, I know I can safely dispose of my needles at work.


PS – Before you get all up in arms, I’m sure the SHARPS box is there for a legitimate medical reason. But that’s not something that makes me laugh . . .

Friday, April 10, 2009

I'm Such a Dork

So I went to get coffee and catch up on the daily gossip. I was away from my desk for at least 15 minutes & wouldn't you know it, I came back to that obnoxious blinking light signaling I had a message.

First off, hardly anyone leaves me a message on my phone. If someone wants information from me, it usually comes in the form of an e-mail.

Secondly, I couldn't find a pad of paper.

I had difficulty finding a pad of paper, not because my desk was a mess. No, it was because I actually filed papers and cleaned most of my desk off yesterday. I was looking under the few folders & papers that were left and could find my blasted post-it pad. I finally looked in my desk drawer. Duh, I had actually put them all away in the cleaning process.

I'm ready for a really important message, but it was the hubby (didn't even need the post-it pad). He does have a tendency to say "um" a lot so there were several pauses in the message.

As soon as I heard his voice, I completely forgot that I had just logged in to the voice mail system. As he paused, I was saying, "Uh-huh, uh-huh" like he was actually on the phone. I even said "I love you" at the end. It wasn't until he didn't say it back I remembered that it was only a voice mail message.

I'm such a dork!!!

Silver Lining:
1. I'm going to say that this happened because I hadn't drank all my coffee yet, let alone given the caffeine any time to absorb.
2. You guys are the only ones who know how dork-ish I am.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

The Plan

Men think women put way too much thought into a gathering of any sort. Well, I have news for the guys – you’re no better.

“The guys” go out on the same night every week and it is almost always at the same place at the same time. This was one of these ordinary nights, but apparently some thought had to be put into it.

So here it is.

S (the defacto leader): I might be a bit late .. I have to do some work..Here is the project plan I put together.. (insert the sound of crickets chirping. Typical guy – there is no plan) Oh, and re-installing irix was as simple as constructing an atomic bomb in your garden shed, from 2 paperclips, some wood glue, and a dead panda, whilst your arms are tied behind your back.


J: Sounds like a good plan to me….

C: I plan on being there…….oh, and you may want to check, but I think there is a New Town ordinance requiring express written permission for building an atomic bomb in your garden shed. I heard that permit is slightly easier to get than a permit for the garden shed itself.

J: Also remember you are not permitted to keep live pandas on your property, so any of the aforementioned pandas must be killed offsite…

D: My project plan is to drink as much as R.

S: I will bring the helmet then. Apparently, D is a light-weight and has fallen off the stool after having just a few beers. I am running the things that I am supposed to be doing during the maintenance window now so I should be on time.

Does this mean he was multi-tasking or simply (actually) doing his job?

D: Is R going to be there?

S: So far R has not committed.

D: If he doesn't come that screws up my project plan.

R: Sorry, T (the wife) screwed up my plans tonight. And noooo it's nothing sexual related.

As far as he knows, it wasn’t sexual related. Maybe T had him committed. You know, being restrained in a white coat is erotic for some people.

The message from R came in after guys night had already commenced so S brought the helmet for nothing. Leave it to a man to screw up the plan.

By the way, the helmet had Care Bears on it – sounds masculine, doesn’t it? I’m sure they made D wear it regardless of R’s presence – like I said, he’s a light weight. It’s better to safe than sorry.

Silver Lining:

  1. My husband, in this case, is not R. I suppose that is somewhat obvious since I would not be “T”.

  2. My husband, got a new drink recipe, which I’ve dubbed the “Shirley Tumble”, as in drink a few of these, and you will surely tumble to the ground. 3 Olives vodka (cherry flavor) and sprite – ala Shirley Temple with a kick!

  3. Congratulations to J – you’ve accomplished your goal this week – your family made the blog! Your wife will be so proud!


Monday, April 6, 2009

Picture of Oscar has been posted!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

And the Oscar Goes to . . .

I have a head full of useless knowledge and fortunately, I have an outlet to relieve the pressure – TRIVIA NIGHT!

After removing the motor from the Christmas tree stand and mounting our homemade Oscar, we deemed ourselves ready for the “Let’s Go to the Movies” theme at Saturday’s trivia night.

Since our table theme was “The Oscars”, we decided to act as though we knew the answers to all the questions regardless of whether or not we actually had the right answer. Turns out, we would have to use our acting skills so often we should have won an Oscar.





Being the “Actors/Actresses” that we were, we should have known everything about the movies, right? We couldn’t be more wrong. In the “Oscar” category, we got a mere seven out of ten correct answers and the majority of the questions were about the 2009 Oscars! Oh, and we had to use a “mulligan” in order to get our score that high. Being the professionals we were, we played it off with fake smiles and golf clapping.

Our next, ‘we’re so awesome, we’re going to fall flat on our faces moment’, came at “Scavenger Hunt” time. This is the game where the MC goes through a list of items and as long as you have the items on your person, you are still in the game.

I was TOTALLY prepared for this. I had brought my pretty evening bag for walking the red carpet, but then I had another purse packed full of crap. This purse was reserved specifically for trivia nights, specifically for this game. I had everything in there:

ATM Receipt, Drycleaners Receipt, Sporting Event Ticket Stub, Pencil, Pen,Eyeglass Case, Teabag (unused), Tape, Metrolink Ticket, Daycare Receipt, $2 Bill, Raffle, Ticket Stubs, Breath Mints, Appointment Card, Cough Medicine, Emory Board, USB Cable, Screwdriver, Whistle, A Piece of Ribbon, A Length of String, Permanent Marker, Highlighter, Toothpaste, Business Card, Movie Ticket Stub, Mustard, Ketchup, Salt, Pepper, Penny, Nickel, Dime, Quarter, Gold Dollar, Deck of Cards, Coupon, Stamps, Lighter, Moist Towelette, Artificial Sweetner, Facial Tissue, Straw, Hand Sanitizer, Dental Floss, Flash Drive, Clothes Pin, Nail Polish, Lip Balm, Band-aide, Cough Drop, Wooden Match, Hair Clip, Tweezers, Candle, Screw, Flashlight, Rubberband, Toothpick, Playing Die, Battery, Hard Candy, Binder Clip, Paper Clip, Nail Clippers, Bobbie Pin, Button, Chuck E Cheese Token, and a Safety Pin.

And I was derailed on Scavenger Hunt item number three – A STICK OF GUM! As we were reviewing the contents of the crap purse prior to leaving, we found a piece of gum that was deteriorating. We threw it in the trash, but forgot to add a new piece to the mix.

In an effort to prevent other tables from benefiting from our brilliance, I brought post-it notes so we could write answers down & pass them around instead of trying to mouth them across the table. It’s a round table and beer was free so the telephone game from one side to the other was not going to yield a positive outcome. From past experience, trying to read lips when there were four of them moving was also a problem as the night wore on.

The post-its were working really well. They were getting needed information over to the secretary (aka answer writer person). See an example below:



Then, we got to a category where we could just throw in the towel (plus a mulligan). This was the “Manly, Yes” category. I don’t know who named the category as I really don’t get the title, but it was about movies guys should know about. Our’s didn’t know much.

One of the questions was “Name the fighter portrayed by Robert DeNiro in the moving Raging Bull.”

A serious comment was uttered, “It’s gotta be a white guy, right?” Well, I don’t know. Is Robert DeNiro white???

We had no use for the post-its in that round so we used them for other things.



At one point we had to unplug Oscar. We were fortunate enough to have a table right near a floor outlet, but it was also right in the middle of the walk-way to the beer stand. While the cord was taped down, people kept knocking the plug out of the outlet. During a more coherent time, we decided everyone’s safety as well as the protection of the cord itself, we should unplug Oscar.

During a less coherent time, I wanted him to light up and turn again. Being the darling husband he is, Hubby yanked up the cord and ran it over to a wall outlet. Mind you, it still ran across a walk way. When a tablemate pointed out someone could trip on the cord, Hubby’s response was, “What? There’s still slack in the line.”

A category, we ladies rocked at was about chick-flicks. Post-it notes were back in the swing and they were a flyin’. To this question, I had a post-it note thrust at me with such authority, I had to go with the written answer.

The question: “In the movie Sophie’s Choice, Sophie had to decide which of her children got to live. Did she choose her son or her daughter?”

The answer: “Her son.”

The Post-It: “Her daughter.” Wah, wah, wahhhhhh.

Before the last round they did announce the winning table. It was us!!! We got out our real smiles, high fived each other and did quite a few “Whoo-who” noises – all out obnoxious and very un-oscarly. My sister won for best costume (she’s the one in her wedding dress).

Since we knew we won for best table and had no chance of winning the night, we really let it all hang out for the last round.

And I received one last post-it.


Silver Lining:

1. I honestly believe our table will be remembered for a long time – best table theme, best dressed, most beers consumed from champagne flutes, most obnoxious . . .

2. Hubby and I have a winning streak going now. We won for best table theme last year too. The pressure – I don’t know if I can handle it (maybe this isn’t a good thing).



Friday, April 3, 2009

I'd Like to Take a Moment . . .

. . . to thank all my visitors, followers & subscribers for being my readers.

I was just looking at where all my readers are coming from and I’m up to half of the United States. UPDATE 5/11/09 - ONLY 12 STATES TO GO!!!!!!

I’ve decided to make it a goal to have readers from all the United States. I’ll go for the countries & territories later – I’ve got seven of those so far!

Check out my list. BOLD are the states I’ve had readers. Red are the states I’m trying to “collect”.




Alabama
Alaska

Arizona
Arkansas
California
Colorado
Connecticut

Delaware
Florida
Georgia

Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois

Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine

Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota

Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York

North Carolina

North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma

Oregon
Pennsylvania

Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin

Wyoming



If you know people in the red states that need a dose of humor two or three times a week, shot over my blog URL.

Hey, one more thing. I love comments – even if it’s just a “Hee, Hee”. I’d also like to know if you have a goofy life like mine – tell me your stories!!!

If you’re a reader from a red state, let me know – I’m an immediate gratification kind of gal. My funny stories are all in the archives in the side bar, but some of my favorites are:

http://lifemakesmelaugh.blogspot.com/2008/10/b-101-have-escape-route.html (this is my all time favorite!)

http://lifemakesmelaugh.blogspot.com/2009/01/im-goin-for-grass.html

http://lifemakesmelaugh.blogspot.com/2008/09/i-faught-lawn-lawn-won.html

http://lifemakesmelaugh.blogspot.com/2009/01/rhymes-with-sit-fit-zit.html

http://lifemakesmelaugh.blogspot.com/2009/02/taste-that-creates-smiling-eyes.html


Silverlining:


  1. I have readers & followers!

  2. I got more involved in the blog world and discovered more of the interesting people out there – makes life a little more fun

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Rotate This. . .

We’re going to a trivia event this weekend and the theme is “Let’s Go to the Movies.” Instead of going with a specific movie, we’re doing the Oscars.

Hubby wants to make a huge Oscar (cut out of luan) and put it on our rotating Christmas tree stand so it spins around. The problem? Our Christmas tree stand no longer rotates.

After picking his way through the Goodwill donation section, the luggage section, & the Sunday school supplies section, he finally arrived at the Christmas section of our basement. Fortunately, the stand was near the front of the Christmas pile so he was able to haul it out easily.

I had recently unpacked some boxes (we moved into our house a year and half ago & I still have boxes!) and found not one, but two cans of WD-40. Just in time, because Rob decided that was what the Christmas tree stand needed to get it rotating again.

Spray, spray, spray.

Plug in.

Turn on.

Motor running – no spinning.

Well, it must be hung up on something on the inside. There was a screw on the bottom, which he took out, but we still couldn’t get the “guts” cover off in order to inspect the “guts”.

We needed the mini pry bar!

To the basement, yet again. We looked over by the furnace, in the stack of unpacked boxes of workshop gizmos, and the top of the table saw (obviously gets a lot of use based on the amount of stuff on top of it – NOT).

No mini pry bar.

I finally looked in the tool chest. Low and behold, it was there. Who would have thunk it?

For some reason, prying off the bottom of the tree stand became my job. He sat on the couch and watched me.

I could get the pry bar between the top & bottom covers, but I could get it off. I needed more leverage. To the basement for the “Superbar”. I had seen this in the earlier search, so I knew exactly where it was.

So I’m jamming the crowbar under the lip of the bottom cover & pushing as hard as I can. Hubby got up off his butt and tried standing on one side of it to give me a little more leverage. Still no go on frickin’ that cover.

Now, he decided to point out that from the other side, looking down in the hole where the tree stump goes, you can see there is a machine screw in there. Not the head, but the bottom.

I figure, hey, the whole thing is plastic, I should be able to pound something down in there and strip it out. Guess what? I went to the basement again.

I came back with a HUGE long screw. I start banging around with my 2 oz hammer and that bolt isn’t moving. Once again, Hubby, my knight in shining armor, steps in to help. First, he sent me to the basement to “find a real hammer”, meaning the Craftsman heavy ass one.

He’s banging away and suddenly, leaps back with a “YOW! Son of a Bitch!” He had totally hammered full force on this thumb. He was in the kind of pain that travels up your arm so you can’t move it and you have difficulty breathing. This wasn’t funny – he was in serious pain.

After playing nursemaid for a bit, I started studying that stupid tree stand again. Hmmmm, there is a smaller cover embedded on the big bottom cover.

I started whacking away at that. ZING! The little cover went flying across the room. I’m lucky I didn’t shoot someone’s eye out.

WHAAAAAAAAAAH! The head of the screw!!!

Take that screw out and the whole thing opens like magic!

I took it apart very carefully. Not carefully enough because I knocked out the balls in the ball bearing ring. These were nasty. There was black goo all over them, but I put them back in, & lubricated all the moving parts.

Hubby had enough forethought to test the motor before putting it back together. We plugged it in, turned it on & voila – the motor ran smoothly.

I put that sucker back together – no less than a bazillion parts – and tried it out again. The damn thing wouldn’t turn!

We decided, the motor must not have enough power anymore to turn the weight of the tree stand, but Rob figures he can still use the motor and rig up a way to put the “Oscar” on top.

We’ll just see how this turns out.

Silver lining:

  1. Good thing we tested this last night instead of waiting until Saturday.

  2. The ball bearing goo stain on the carpet seems to have come out.

  3. I’m getting a new Christmas tree stand so I’ll be back to “Lazy Ass” decorator by letting the tree rotate while putting on the gold beads & ornaments. God forbid, I have to walk around the tree a hundred times.

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