Monday, March 15, 2010

Things I Don't Get

  • Why do women do the front of their hair and not the back? Like when they pull their hair back in a ponytail or a banana clip, but pull out enough of the sides to still curl and frame their face.


  • Banana clips.


  • Little girls wearing clothes more appropriate for today's teenagers. Not that teenagers always wear appropriate clothing, but still I should see a seven year old in short, short skirts and shirts that are little too short. And sometimes make up??


  • Candles littering the house. Really? I know they smell good, but wouldn't one or two be enough? The collect dust in my house and they're a pain to clean. I've got those fake on my dining room sconces - the ones with a battery to light them up. They have a partially melted look and they flicker - cool, huh?


  • Those pop-ups on Foxnews.com or MSN.com. The kind where you barely mouse over a word and they bring up addition information, but usually unrelated to the article. If I want to know more information, I'll click on it! At the very least, it should wait until I've paused on it for a couple of seconds. Geez.


  • In Farmville, you can't rotate the buildings.


  • In Farmville, you don't get to keep your own mystery eggs or the animals that wander onto your farm. They're your gosh darn chickens, you should be able to keep at least one! And if an animal wanders onto my farm, I think the "Finders, Keepers" rule should apply.


  • Mafia Wars.


  • Democrats.


  • People who feel the need to have the make of their car across the top of their windsheild. Dude, I can see that you drive a Subaru.


  • Pink hair. Or purple. Or blaze orange.


  • My daughter having a week off of school for quarter break and another week off for Easter break. She's off this week and again the first or second week of April. WTF??? That costs me a lot of money when it comes to daycare.


  • Building a new elementary school and only sending K-2 to it and leaving 3-5 in the old school. You'd think they would just divide the school district. I know a lot of parents who are being forced to pick up their kids at two different schools, 12 miles apart, that get out at the same time. All the schools are currently on the same campus surrounded by corn fields. Buying additional land for another school building from the farmer wasn't an option?


  • People who don't delete the forwarding e-mail junk before the real message. Especially when it's a joke - I'm bored before I get there and then it isn't as funny.


  • Junk e-mail.


  • Spam.


  • Ballpoint pens that ooze.


  • Why people still buy and use regular pencils when mechanical ones are so much more efficient. Who wants to walk all the way to a pencil sharpener? Or hunt around for one? Or empty it when it's full of shavings - those carbon shavings can make a mess similar to when toner gets out of the container on the copier or printer.


  • People who don't replenish paper in the copier or printer.


  • People who walk away from a jam in the copier or printer.


  • People who regularly send 300 page documents to the printer in the middle of the day. Wait until early morning or late afternoon people!


  • Bloggers who don't post anything for two weeks. Oops, that's me. Sorry.


Well, I guess this post would be better suited for Random Tuesday Thoughts, but I don't get these things today. Tomorrow it may be all better, and therefore, not as timely. So there you go.

Silver Lining:
  1. I'm sure I have readers out there who can explain these things to me so I get them.

  2. There are lots of things I do get. Like why my kids are so smart and so stinkin' cute (not that I'm biased or anything), how Mary Kay is the best skin care routine for the best value, cars need gas to run, you have to work instead of blogging in order to keep your job, etc.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Hold (hic) Breath Until You Feel Light-Headed, Feel Normal For An Hour, (hic) Repeat

Such is the life with me and hiccups. I doesn't matter what remedy I use to stop them, they come back in about an hour. Mind you, it's not an everyday thing. They seem to go away after a good night's sleep, but when the hiccups start in the morning, I know I'm in for a whole day.

It's real professional to hiccup during a (hic) meeting. You don't feel like a total stooge for doing so either. I guess this would be true if I were a teen(hic)age boy. Which is totally not the case. They're embarrassing - hiccups and teenage boys - because they're so ob(hic)noxious.

So I was eating lunch today. I didn't bring my lunch and I got a salad out of the "Wheel of Death" machine. I didn't look at is as I sat down and (hic) started assembling it. They vacuum seal the lettuce. And there is a vacuum seal on the meat. (hic) Neither one of these had a "tear hear" indicator or any notches (because I figure that out without them actually printing a "tear here" on the package), just some wavy edges on one end.

Wavy edges normally say, "Start opening from this end because it will make your life easier."

Well (hic), the wavy lines LIE!

I tried tearing from the wav(hic)y edge.

I looked for a separation in the pack(hic)aging to see if I could split it open.

I tried using my (hic) teeth to start a good notch in which to tear.

I tried using my plastic knife to puncture (hic) the package.

All my friends pretty much sat there and laughed as I hiccuped and struggled through assembling my lunch.

It finally took a pocket (hic) knife to tear open the packaging around the let(hic)tuce and the meat.

And after all that, the lettuce was soggy (hic) and there was ham packaged together with turkey. I don't (hic) like ham so I had to pick through it to get the turkey bits for my (hic) salad.

Piece. By. (hic) Piece.

They weren't exactly grouped nicely.

The (hic) croutons were stale too.

It was at this point I noticed the "sell by" date of last Friday. You'd think that was enough to scare the hiccups right out of me, but alas, it wasn't enough (hic).

Silver Lining:

  1. I got my money back for the limp lettuce, stale crouton salad.

  2. I held my breath for a bit and the hiccups stopped. But now, as I write this, they are back (hic).

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