Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Lake or Pool?

What is a lake?

There are a lot of definitions, but here’s the general gist:

  • It is deep enough that you can not cross without a boat. You can make that argument about some ponds as well, but wait, there’s more.

  • Because of the lack of sunlight reaching the bottom of the body of water, a lake can not support rooted plants except near the shoreline.

  • It’s not an ocean because it is a standing body of water. Not that anyone is going to mistake the Pleasantville lakes for an ocean anytime soon, this was purely informational.

Anywho, Pleasantville has a kick-a** pool club (leisure, kiddie, lap & lazy river), and it opened this weekend! However, there has been a lot of rain lately so the general consensus was that the water would be like ice.

So why did I see so many ding-bat teenagers swimming in the lakes? According to my definitions above, that water should have been colder than the pool! No way I was going to check it out, because our lakes really ought to have the following signage:

Beware the Piranha!

Well, if piranha could survive a Missouri winter, you would have cause for alarm. Fortunately, we only have bass and bluegill in the lakes.

You would think the bass would be scary because they are bigger than bluegill, but it’s the little ones that get you! The bluegills have a preference for certain exposed areas of the human body and they just have to have a taste. Men, let’s just say it may be to your advantage to wear a shirt in the water.

I know this because last summer, a neighbor of mine (who is black – not that it would make a difference otherwise, but it’s important to the story) and a few family members decided to take a dip in the lake, swim out to the raft & enjoy a summer’s day. They jumped in the water, and that’s when the bluegill appeared. It was like a swarm of mosquitoes.

There was some splashing and screaming and one of the guys kept getting bit on the nipple. His nipple was pierced so I’m sure that’s what first attracted them to him. You know fish are like children. Jiggle something shiny in their path and it will draw them in like moths to a flame. Once the bluegill were there, and realized their favorite treat (people skin) was available, they wouldn’t leave pierced nipple guy alone.

Anyway, they high-tailed it out to the raft, heaved themselves up the side and sat breathless in disbelief. As they looked out in to the water, more and more fish were appearing. Had they put their toes in the water, it would have been like piglets to the teats, but much more painful. Knowing they couldn’t stay out there forever, but fearful of the bluegill, they had to come up with a plan.

Pierced nipple guy was the knight in shining armor (which would have actually come in handy here, but armor makes it really hard to swim). He would make a diversion so the ladies could swim back to the dock. In an act of supreme selflessness, he did a cannon ball into the water and the ladies made it to shore safely.

As they were walking up the dock, a woman was watching her sons play in the water.

My neighbor warned her, “There are biting fish in the water. Your boys better watch out.”

The woman said, “Oh, really? They haven’t had any trouble with that.”

My neighbor huffed a bit. “I guess they only like dark meat.”

Silver lining:

1. There may have been a grand plan in place here. It’s a very family oriented community and perhaps the developers were trying to prevent people from skinny dipping in the lakes. I’m grateful for that and considering the age range of people living here, there are plenty of people I don’t want to see skinny dipping. Oh, and I don’t want my girls, when they’re teenagers, going skinny dipping either. Skinny dipping in seclusion = good. Skinny dipping in community lake = bad.

2. I say again, we have a community pool that is super cool. No bluegill allowed.

5 People Laughed Along With Me, Won't You?:

MzzLily said...

Super funny! I actually remember getting pecked at once by a school of small fish, but it was just a light pinching... almost a tickle. I think your lake would give me nightmares!

- Jan - said...

LoL! 'only like dark meat'. That is just so funny. I wonder how your friend is, you know, the knight in shining armor.

Jenn said...

Oh this is funny!!

I remember swimming in the atlantic in southern Florida...we lived there and frequently body surfed on good days. Anyway, for about 2 weeks every summer these little fish would swim in huge schools and when they came by way of the beach they'd bite you enough to hang on to you. So as I was running out of the water these little fish would be attached to my legs and all I had to do was shake them off...but it freaked me out. (I can't remember the name of the fish). It felt like little pinches all over your body but didn't really hurt.
I distinctly remember watching for pelicans over head as I believe they chased these fish and when the time was right they'd swoop down and get a mouth full. If I saw Pelicans swooping over head...I got out right away. It only lasted about two weeks and the fish would migrate elsewhere.
Thanks for sharing. Jenn.

SquirrelQueen said...

That is way too funny. I remember the nips from those little lake fish, just a little pinch.

DirtRaceFan55 said...

That was funny. I prefer pools myself, mainly becuase they do not have fish in them, most anyway.

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