Monday, January 4, 2010


Kind of like your un-birthday, but for resolutions.

As in, I can make all the resolutions I want, but I'm never willing to live with the consequences so I'm not sure why I even bother.

For 2010, I Un-Resolve:

  1. to eat healthier.

    Oops, blew that one already.

    I had a pop tart for breakfast. It was a chocolate pop tart so I can't even fudge and say I ate "fruit" for breakfast.

    And those White Cheese Cheez-its that I ate for lunch have no redeeming nutritional value.

    I think I'll round out the day with a Ding-Dong for a snack and hot dogs for dinner.

  2. to exercise daily.

    Well, that just blows.

    Who says that the daily routine of bending over in the laundry room rooting around for a pair of clean matching socks isn't exercise? I totally worked those quads trying to keep my balance. I mean, I didn't even sit down to accomplish this task. And at the end, when I found a pair, I did a great victory pose with both arms up, waving the socks - just like an athlete on a podium. I suppose an athlete would have some flowers instead of socks, but you get the picture.

    On the upside, we have a Wii. And lots of games. I can really work up a sweat flicking a Frisbee. Maybe I can work a little more Wii Resort into my schedule.

    Fine. I'll get out the Just Dance game and pick a song that has a star rating greater than one for effort. If you haven't seen this game yet, check it out here. I've got a mean Elvis impression going on when I'm dancing to "Little Less Conversation". NOT!

  3. to manage my time more wisely.

    That means I have to blog less. That ain't happening!

  4. to clean and organize each room of my house.

    Hmmm, I have four bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, a breakfast room, a dining room, a family room, a kitchen, a mudroom, a basement, and a garage.

    Even if I did one a month, I wouldn't get them all done before the year was up. Besides, if I only cleaned the toilets once a year, people might get grossed out.

    So I'll just give up on this one straight away and stick to my "lick & a promise" philosophy. That means, each room gets a quick once over so it looks good until someone starts pulling out dingy-looking white gloves.

  5. to live more frugally frivolously.

    I had to change it to frivolous in order to make this a true un-resolution. Because living frugally is one I might actually be able to accomplish. Stinkin' money (and lack thereof) keeps getting in the way of me hiring a dietitian/cook, personal trainer, maid, and/or assistant to help me with all my resolutions.

    Hey, I was frugal already today! I ate the foods readily available at my desk instead of heading to the snack machine or using up gas to buy something at a fast-food window. Yay me!

  6. to park in my garage.

    Have I ever mentioned I have had a garage in which to park my car for more than six years?

    Have I ever parked in my garage for more than a day?


    We've been working on a storage wall which is ready for hooks and the like, but now we need money to buy the hooks and shelves. Living more frugally is going to preclude those purchases.

    Although, getting the garage organized will allow us to park in there. Then we won't spend as much on gas when the cars are idling out front in an attempt to defrost the layer of frost off the windows, and warm them up prior to plunking our blubber encased butts in them for the drive to work.

    Too bad blubber wasn't a barter-able commodity - I'd be rich!!

See by un-resolving I'm way ahead of the New Year's Resolution game. While everyone else is getting bummed out because they have failed to keep their resolutions, I am right on target with my un-resolutions.

Silver Lining:
  • Tomorrow is another day. For all the un-resolving I do today, I have a chance to actually do tomorrow.

  • With the right perspective, living a little more frugally is good for the soul. Enjoy what you have and forget about what you don't.

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