Tuesday, October 7, 2008

B&E 101 - Have an Escape Route

There is a lot of new construction around our house and I am nosy.

Once a house is under roof, I like to wander in and check it out. As it was, there was a nifty looking two story house built facing the green space near us. It was a style I had not seen in our community yet so I had to check it out. I was supposed to be "exercising" by walking directly to the mail center and back, but where is the story in that????

Any who. The door to this house is on the side - weird, I know. While the door had a latch, it didn't have a regular door knob, just an hex-head wrench-like device in the hole acting as a handle. I wandered in and made note the family room and kitchen, then wandered upstairs. The drywall was up and some vinyl on the kitchen floor, but nothing else so it didn't take long to take the tour.

I needed to be on my way because if I got home an hour after I left with no mail, I'd be in trouble. Back to the front door I went, only to find that there was no handle on the inside of the door - CRAP!!!!

In the kitchen, there was another door leading to the back yard - whew! I opened this door and looked down six feet at a sea of mud. Fantastic (not)! There were egress windows to the basement on either side of this doorway I was peeking out of, but they were at least four feet down AND to either side of me! The construction workers had placed a 2X10 across the span between the wells, but with all the recent rain, it was already bowing. Not to mention the fact that a 2X10 laying flat, stretched at least six feet between supports, is not very stable. I could just visualize myself stepping down on that board, thinking I had solid footing right before the CRACK! The board would snap & I would be sandwiched between two flying pieces of 2X10 right before I fell face first into the mud sea. DOUBLE CRAP!!!

OK - just think. I figured I could hang onto the door frame and swing myself out to one of the window wells and land on the edge. Considering the wallowing in the mud scenario above, this seemed the best alternative. Fortunately, my aim was pretty good on this day. I landed safely.

Now, I had a new problem. The door was still open. With all the rain, I didn't want anything inside getting damaged so I need to find a way to close it - how is that for a considerate criminal? I looked around (and discovered my next problem, but let's finish with this one first), but there was nothing. Just little ole me on my little ole ledge. I reached, managed to grab the bottom of the door and pull it toward me. But I had to get me fingers out of the way before it closed. It only took three or four times before I got enough momentum going, but it finally closed.

The problem I alluded to is that there was NOTHING around me. Nothing but the solid wall of a house, a window well, and the mud sea. I had at least twenty feet to the nearest solid surface, save for a little patch of grass/weeds just large enough for a person to stand on. The plan was to leap to the patch, stop, then re-group. I leaped out to the patch, but the momentum was too great so there was no stopping! I had to keep going, but managed to only take one step in the mud before getting to the alley!!!!!!!

I composed myself, looked back at the house, then got back to the original mission - getting the mail. I walked down the alley and realized there were neighbors sitting on their porch with prime viewing of my escapade!!!

I walked up to their porch and opened with, "I know you guys must be thinking, 'What, the heck was she doing?!?'" Wouldn't you know it, they didn't even see me! I totally busted myself for no reason!


Silver lining:

1. I learned to NEVER close the door behind me when I'm snooping unless there is an operational door knob.

2. My heart got more aerobic exercise escaping that house than it would have had I leisurely gone and gotten the mail as planned.

8 People Laughed Along With Me, Won't You?:

Danny Heiple said...

Melania you never fail to entertain your audience. Thanks for the story.

Anonymous said...

Always an adventure with you:):):)
Love, MOM

Jenn said...

That was funny!! LOL...loved it! Will be checking out some more of your blogs! Cheers, Jenn.

T. said...

Happy Saturday Sharefest for SITS!
T.

hotpants™ said...

This is priceless.

Mommy Bear said...

I don't think I will be trying that anytime soon, but it sure was fun to read about!

Mikki Black said...

Swung by from SITS to check out your favorite post, and you are one wacky lady! Great story.

Mad Mom said...

I love reading your blog! I'm so glad you stopped by mine and invited me over! I also love how you write the silver lining after each post. Hopefully that positive attitude is contageous!

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