Neither the phone nor the shower gods were looking down on my friend Ari recently. In fact, they both conspired against her in order to cause great pain and embarrassment.
Ari was in the shower when the phone started ringing. How many times has this happened to you? Nobody else in the house seems to be answering it. They just assume you’re going to do it even though you just told them ten minutes ago you were going to take a shower.
So what do you do? Let it go to the answering machine (nobody has these things any more, do they? They really should be Smithsonian bound.) or voicemail, right?
No, she jumped out of the shower & ran for the phone.
Along the way, she tripped over a body pillow lying on the floor, curled her toes (a bit too much it turns out), and ended up sprawled out on the floor.
Somehow, she made it to the phone and was able to answer with a guttural, “Hello,” BEFORE it got to voicemail. She must not have let it ring very long before jumping out of the shower. She certainly had time to grab a towel.
Honestly, who did she think it was that she needed to get to the phone right away? The Queen of England, Ed McMahon?
Probably not Ed. He would have shown up at the front door. Can you imagine that? He and the rest of the Publishers Clearing House posse are standing outside her door with that gigantic check and balloons AND a camera. Then, there’s Ari whipping open the door.
Her foot was killing her and swelling up. She managed to put clothes and scrounge up one of the not-answering-the-phone folks for a trip to the emergency room.
Once you get to that triage area, the first thing they ask you is, “How did this happen?” Being the type of person she was, Ari told them the whole story. Hello! Lie a little and say you tripped over something like a dead body, not a pillow!
Upon inspection, the doctors told Ari her toe was turning a beautiful shade of purple. First off, since when is anything painful even remotely beautiful? Secondly, she totally had to check it out at home with a mirror because she just not that bendy anymore. Unfortunately, for you all, she didn’t take pictures. Well, maybe it’s fortunate. I’ve never seen her feet. They could be knurled and decrepit for all I know.
Turns out she chipped the bone in her big toe when she tripped over the pillow. How do you break a toe on a pillow? Really, did it have rocks in it? A dead body?
She’ll have to alter her shower routine from now on. She’s got a few options:
- Don’t answer the phone – that’s what voicemail is for.
- Bring a phone into the bathroom – like in fancy hotels.
- Shower in a swimsuit – dual duty (sorta) in that the shower cleans you body and does a bit of laundry.
- She willingly shared this story AND watched me make notes in the black book so she can’t be mad at me for sharing.
- It wasn’t me! :)