Who's On First?

Abbott and Costello are one of the best comedy teams of all time. My favorite bit is “Who’s On First?”

It’s funny because of the confusion and/or mis-communication between the two when discussing a baseball team roster. The roster is:

Position	Name
1st Base	Who
2nd Base	What
3rd Base	I Don’t Know
Short Stop	I Don’t Give A Darn
Left Field	Why
Center Field	Because
Right Field	Costello???
Pitcher	Tomorrow
Catcher	Today

Now, that all makes sense, but you could see how if one person did not know that those were actually the player’s names, they would become more and more confused as the conversation progressed. Here’s just a part of it:

Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?

Abbott: What is on second.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him.

Costello: Now how did I get on third base?

Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.

Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

Abbott: No. Who's playing first.

Costello: What's on base?

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third.

Costello: There I go, back on third again! PAUSE

Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.

Abbott: Alright, what do you want to know?

Costello: Now who's playing third base?

Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

Costello: What am I putting on third.

Abbott: No. What is on second.

Anyway, they make their way through all the players this way – and crack me up! The entire text and audio can be found here.

Now, after that long into, I’ll get to the real story.

There was a float trip this weekend. Just down one of the canals in into the big lake in Pleasantville.

While we were picnicking afterward, we got to talking about how in the olden days (before kids) we would camp for two nights with one of the days completely consuming what should have been a four hour float trip. When you bottom out every twenty feet, take time to eat lunch, don’t use the paddles at all, take time to remove swim trunks, vomit over the side of the raft, and take shelter during a rain storm that you though for sure was going to “blow over”, a four hour float trip takes at least eight hours.

Anywho, now that we have kids, the guys can take them and stop dragging us ladies out into the wilderness.

It’s only the end of August, not too late for a camping trip, right?

Well, maybe it is when you’re talking about five or six families. Here’s how this discussion went (and I’m so not using names because there are just too many – just assume it is never the same two people in a row):

How about next weekend?

No, we’ve got the alley party next weekend.

You guys should do it on the 10th – I’m hosting Bunco and that will get you all out of the house.

We’ve got a wedding that weekend.

What about October 3rd?

That’s the charity golf tournament.

We’ve got a birthday.

The 10th?

I said that and it got nixed already.

No, the 10th of October.

How can the 10th of October be a Saturday? I’ve got Bunco on the 10th of September and it’s always a Saturday.

Doesn’t matter, we’ve got a wedding on the 9th.

Of September?

No, October.

Wait, so what’s the second Saturday in September?

The 12th.

They’ve got a wedding.

Yah, in October, I was talking about September.

No, they’ve got a wedding (pointing to another couple).

Well, the 19th is out, that’s the block party.

I’m calling Thanksgiving.

[crickets chirping]

26th?

Of October?

No, September.

The 10th?

What month?

I don’t know.

THIRD BASE!

Believe it or not, this is the short version. We had to be going on for at least 15 minutes.

I’m not sure we ever set a date for the camping trip.

Silver lining:

1. I’m sure the guys will hammer this out at Guys’ Night.


2. It was a beautiful day for a float trip.


3. It was a great day to just hang out with friends.