The Ham-ectomy

Wow, I’ve been MIA for a week! Nothing like work getting in the way of some good bloggin’ – darn it all to heck!

I’m reaching into the time machine today. I know, I know. I should have lots of goofy, recent stuff to spew about, but this one needs to be told – TODAY.

Twelv-ish years ago I bought a condo, worked full time, and was going to college. Turns out my job didn’t pay enough to afford both a mortgage and tuition. So what did I give up?

Nothing.

I got a part time job at Domino’s. Just pile one more thing on the heap; that would be the logic of a twenty something who apparently had a lot more energy than I do today.

The manager, Steve, hired me on the spot because I wore dressy clothes. Well, I suppose we got along ok too because the “interview” was more a “shoot-the-sh*t” session. He also understood I had a full-time job and college so I could only work a few hours a night, a few nights a week.

This was working really well until he found out my full time employer had a “use it or lose it” policy on vacation. I was basically forced to take a week of vacation. Which Steve interpreted as, “She doesn’t have to go into work the next day, and I need a closer this week so I can schedule Pollyanna to work until 11.”

My hourly rate was going to plummet from a nice $10 - $12 an hour to, like, $6 – Fan-fricking-tastic! For those that don’t know, delivering pizzas is a pretty good gig if you only work the dinner rush. I usually earned around $40 in tips/commissions for only four-ish hours of work PLUS minimum wage (which was only $4-something an hour at the time).

Don’t get me wrong, it is not “easy” money - pizza delivery drivers deserve those tips. As a driver you get your share of stiffs and creeps, and you (and your car) reek of pizza afterward. Not to mention the fact that you were too lazy to get up off your butt and drive somewhere to get your own pizza - give the driver a good tip!

Bottom line: having to work beyond the dinner rush meant there was a lot more standing around the store; thus, a lot less tips per hour to be earned.

Another benefit to working for a pizza delivery place is any mistakes become free dinner to the employees. One of my favorite foods is pizza. For me, this “benefit” was AWESOME!

So while I spent my “vacation” working late for Domino’s one night, a thin crust went thru the oven with peppers, ham & black olives on it. Who in their right mind orders that combo?

NO ONE!

That’s how this abomination of a pizza came to sit on the counter.

It was 10pm.

I was hungry.

Normally, at this time, I’d be at home.

On my couch.

Reading some boring economics text book.

Watching the news.

Eating ice cream right from the tub.

But not this night.

Nope, I was standing in a Domino’s looking at this nasty pizza with a grumble in my belly.

Slowly, I picked up a pizza cutter. An with all my pizza cutting deftness, I guided that pizza cutter around the ham and peppers so I ended up with just a jagged hunk slice of cheese and olives.
Popped that in my mouth and chewed and savored the yummy goodness.

The door flew open and Steve’s wife and brother came sauntering in. Thank goodness, they weren’t real customers.

1. I had a mouthful of pizza. I think employers frown on talking to customers with a mouth full of anything. Even if it does prove that the food is good enough for the employees to eat so it must be good enough for the general public. Never ever, ever, ever eat someplace where the employees won’t even eat the food. This should be common sense, but hey, it doesn’t hurt to say it.


2. I didn’t have to stop what I was doing. One tiny piece of pizza was not silencing that rumble.

Steve’s wife went back to the office to talk to him.

Steve’s brother stayed up front with me.

I’d never met him before.

He had kind, brown eyes.

He was dressed in dress pants, button-down shirt and a tie – not a suit, but nice.

He was a little shy, but a warm smile crept out.

He asked what I was doing with the pizza. By this point it looked like something out of a Salvador Dali painting.

I explained my aversion to ham and peppers.

He gently took the pizza cutter from my hand, carefully removed some of the ham, and cut me a generous slice of pizza - this came to be known as the "Ham-ectomy".

Ten years ago today we were married. Remembering this moment never fails to make me smile.

Silver lining:

1. He is still knows just what to do to make me laugh or, at the very least, smile.


2. His eyes glitter when he’s excited, darken when he’s concerned, and soften with love.


3. Some say if they could change some of their past decisions, they would. I would not. If I had done anything differently, I may not have needed that job at Domino’s. If I hadn’t needed that job, I may not have met the love of my life.