Tuesday, July 20, 2010

From Bed Head to Beautiful in 30 Minutes

Every morning I wake up with a plan.

  • Shower - 5 minutes.

  • Dry off and moisturize all over - 3 minutes.

  • Apply make up - 7 minutes.

  • Brush teeth - 2 minutes

  • Get dressed - 5 minutes

  • Dry & style hair - 7 minutes

  • Put on jewelry & shoes - 1 minute

Ta da! I'm gorgeous in 30 minutes!

Does this plan ever actually pan out?


Why not?

Let's break it down.

The shower. As long as I don't shave my legs, I could, maybe, if I moved with super speed, get in and out in five minutes. Shaving is what gets me. Sure, I wear pants to work, but let's hope I don't need to change into Capri's or shorts, or (gasp!) a bathing suit later.

And that super speed ain't happening without a cup of coffee. I haven't built any time into the plan for stumbling down to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, let alone the time it takes to actually make a pot.

Drying off & moisturizing all over? I can save time here because my lotion never seems to be in my bathroom so I just skip it.

Apply makeup. I'm not sure if this takes seven minutes or not.

I've never timed it really. Nor have I ever started my make up and finished it without interruption.

This is about the time my kids start waking up and Hubby realizes he's getting out of the shower, but doesn't have any underwear. I have to go down to the laundry room and find a clean pair for him and then figure out what the girls are going to wear.

For whatever reason, it is just impossible to find matching socks for Stinkles. I just had to buy her the socks with pink or blue or purple or green toes and a matching band at the ankle. Cupie has all the same socks - purple toes with no color band at the ankle. Easy peasy - find two socks and they go together.

Not Stinkles' socks.


You gotta dig for a match.

So I sit down on the laundry room floor and look for matching Stinkles socks. Hubby's calling for his underwear so I bring that to him and then back to the laundry room for the Great Sock Hunt.

Da, da-da-dahhhhhhhhhhh!


While the kids are busy getting dressed, I finish my make up.

But before I can brush my teeth, Hubby now needs socks as well. He can find his own pants & shirt from the railing outside the laundry room. Oh, lucky me.

Of course, every pair of Hubby's socks are different patterns. To make things even harder is he has several pair that are similar in style but different in color. So there is the constant, "Is this navy blue or black?" comparison going on.

Brushing my teeth. I know there is argument by some that it doesn't really take two minutes to brush your teeth, but it does for me. My mouth just can't be clean until my tooth brush starts the staccato at the two minute mark. It's one area of my life where I can be quite anal - my teeth. That last sentence has a bit of irony to it, doesn't it?

Getting dressed. It doesn't take all that long, but the application of wrinkle releaser takes a bit. You have to spray, then stretch, then smooth and repeat until the clothes don't look like they just came out of a laundry basket. Heaven forbid, I climb over the piles of laundry to get out the ironing board and iron.

Drying and styling my hair. This usually takes more than seven minutes due to a couple of factors.

First, whether or not the kids have finished lolly-gagging and gotten dressed. If they are done getting dressed, they need help with their hair and teeth. Cupie is six and I know she can at least brush her hair and teeth (not with the same brush), but I don't trust her to do it with out a reminder. Stinkles is only four, and well, that's just not old enough to do it well enough so we have to help her.

Secondly, it depends on how long it's been since I had a hair cut. If it was somewhat recently and the stars align on the kids getting dressed factor, seven minutes is about right. If it's been more than a month, it takes five minutes just to dry my hair. It's not all that long, just super thick. If I wait too long to get it cut, I start getting triangle head like that chick in the Dilbert cartoons. That's some thick hair.

Jewelry. By the time all that is finished, I have to figure out what jewelry I'm wearing. I've become a total jewelry whore so this is a big decision daily.

I like the big rings and I'm really bummed out if I can't make one go with an outfit.
Oh my gosh, you mean the only ring I have to wear with this is the red cocktail ring?
Never mind that six months ago, that ring (with a 1/2 inch center stone) seemed huge. Now, if the ring doesn't partially cover the fingers on either side of the one actually wearing the ring, it's not big enough.

Seriously, the one I'm wearing right now is about 1 1/2 inches in diameter.

Whew! That's what it takes to get as gorgeous as me every day.

Silver Lining:
  1. As I was writing this I came up with a plan to sort the "missing a match" socks. I'm going to install a clothes line and pin up all the socks that are missing their matches. Then, I can scan the line each time instead of sifting through a pile. I feel very brilliant right now.

  2. I've been inspired to do some laundry and actually put it away. But it's a good three hours before I get home to do that and I'm thinking that I won't be inspired anymore when that happens. C'est la Vie.

PS - I'm not really that conceited - I don't consider myself gorgeous by any stretch of the word. But dang, after all that work every morning, you'd think I'd be approaching it . . .

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