Lettin' Loose

I can let loose. Especially when I'm upset about something.

I wouldn't go so far as to say I can "cuss like a sailor", but I've got a mouth on me.

Can't find my keys?

I always put them on the d@mn hook. If he took my . . . Oh, I swear. #*%&! I GOTTA GO! FOR HEAVENS SAKE, WHERE THE H*LL ARE MY KEYS? Crap, here they are. Where's my #*%&ing purse?

I dropped an egg on the floor?

F*ckity, #*%&, #*%&, #*%&!

There's less money in the checking account than I expected?

Where the h*ll are we going to make this up? SH!T, this s*cks!

If I'm not upset, I'm really good at substituting other words:

Shoot
Gosh Darn
Fiddlesticks

I'm sure you all can figure out what those words are substituting. We all have our own substitutions, don't we?

My friend Demi has a substitution too.

We were in the car yesterday discussing the pending refinance of her house. When I told her an appraisal could cost around $200 - $250, she said, "Oh, swear-word!"

Seriously.

That's not me substituting for her, she actually substituted a swear word by saying, "swear-word."

Silver Lining:

1. Turns out the cost of the appraisal was already included in the amount she was paying the mortgage broker so it wasn't over & above what she was expecting.


2. Sorry for the potty mouth post. I'll try to restrain my fingers from only uttering words no more offensive than "crap" from now on.

The New Fig Latin

First off - I'm baaaaaaack!

Sorry I've been away so long. Lots going on and not all that funny, but I need to get back to seeing the lighter side of life and this is my way of doing it.

On with the story.

Recently, when asked whether or not she was going to do something, a co-worker answered, "Yah, I'm funna."

Perhaps I miss understood, and she actually said, "Yah, I'm gonna." But if not, it begs the question, what does that mean????

Funna or fonna. I don't know how to spell it, only how to pronounce it. Let's just stick with the phonetic way for simplicity's sake.

Funna.

I have a theory on this.

I think she meant, "F*** yah, I'm f***in' gonna do it!"

Since it was an office setting, I can see not wanting to use the f-word, but a simple, "Duh" would have worked. Ok, if you're talking to your foss, I suppose you don't want tell him or her, "Duh". I do, but I'm not your typical office worker.

So, to be sly, you may want to use "funna". To the untrained ear, it just kind of slides on by.

Wow, there are so many fapplications for this new kind of Pig Latin!

You're in the middle of a crowded family restaurant and you take your first bite of super hot wings, "Holy crap! These wings are fot!"

Your buddy dares you lick your finger and stick it in an outlet, "No fay!" You may add "fasshole" at the end, but that really isn't all that sly.

There is a slight problem with words that already start with the letter F. In this case you just have to stutter a little, "That was f-funny." Again, very sly.

There are really only three rules to Fig Latin:

1. For words that do not begin with "F", replace the first letter of the word with an "F".


2. For words that do begin with "F", add an extra "F" to the beginning of the word.


3. Be sly about it.

If you get to cocky with it and don't follow rule number three, you can get yourself into a wee bit of trouble. If you do get yourself into trouble, don't come crying to me. You're the fidiot who didn't follow the rules and got caught.

Silver Lining:

1. I now have a way to let my inner potty mouth sing. Well, other than getting a kick out of using "Chuck" in the Name Game song.


2. I'm in the process of testing Shig Latin. Stay tuned.