BEWARE - El Chimichanga

I mean El Chupalupa.

No, El Chupacabra. This is a bloodsucking extraterrestrial that preys on livestock and prefers goats.

My friend Kitty’s family believes in this thing – and it could be here in Missouri.

The fact that is officially classified as an extraterrestrial, gives one the first clue that it is an urban myth. The second clue is that this mean ET was originally seen in Puerto Rico, but it is now associated more with Mexico. Third, the first sighting was in 1995, the same year “Species” was one of the top 30 grossing movies of the year. The resemblance between the creature in this movie and this bloodsucker is uncanny.

Somehow this chupalupa (as I affectionately call it), has made its way to Missouri. How did it get here? Well, I have a theory on that.

First, it had to get off Puerto Rico so it must have hitched a ride as a stowaway on a cruise ship. Unless, it was a Halloween cruise, then it could have just boarded as is. Other cruise goers would probably wonder why this “person” wore their costume all the time, but the exceptionally weird people are usually left alone. Exceptionally weird people tend to be talkers about stuff nobody cares to hear about and mistake you talking to them as an attempt by you to bond with them in everlasting friendship. A cruise ship, while quite large, is a moving island with no escape; thus, the exceptionally weird are avoided by normal people.

Second, once it got to Mexico and wiped out the goat population, it had to move on to greener pastures – the United States!! Perhaps it saved a few goats to trade with the “coyote” for a ride across the border. Again, he might not get away with it until Halloween so timing is key. On the other hand, if the coyote really needed some goats, he might not ask a lot of questions.

Finally, the chupalupa got a ride on the drug expressway. Interstate 44 (pronounced farty-far for some St. Louisans) is known for being a gateway to the Midwest for drug cartels. The chupalupa jumped off at Independence. Independence is not know for their goat population (it’s apparently the real gateway to the West, never mind the fact that St. Louis has the big arch), so Kitty’s mom won’t leave her dog out in the yard for long because the hungry chupalupa might be lurking.

Silver lining
1. Thank heaven for http://www.snopes.com/ – the saving grace for telling us whether every outlandish story we here is real or not.
2. Having never heard of this before Friday, but now a self-proclaimed expert, I don’t really think it came to Missouri. Why would you leave someplace warm like Puerto Rico or Mexico for Missouri (it is quite cold out today)?