Little Parrots

There are a lot of Americans (and I suppose non-Americans too) who have strong opinions on the current President of the United States.

One such person is the mother of a friend of mine. This woman is addicted to the news networks, whether it be CNN, MSN, FOX, etc. AND she watches her grandchildren fairly often.

My in-laws have a rule: What happens at Nana's, stays at Nana's. This includes what is said, watched, done, not done, etc.

It will become very obvious soon, but it seems like the same is true with my friend's mother.

Anywho, my friend, with children in tow, walked in to a VERY crowded McDonald's. One of the nice ones with the big aquarium and TV's everywhere.

As she and her children stood in line, a news story about the POTUS came on the TV.

Her youngest son, taking note of the story, pointed at the screen and very loudly asked, "Is that the man who's going to ruin our country?"

There are only two reactions here: Laugh hysterically. Or die of embarrassment.

Regardless, I'm glad it wasn't me.

Silver Lining:

1. My friend is still alive so that whole "die of embarrassment" thing is a myth.


2. I am seeking new and effective ways of needling information out of my kids so that I can avoid this type of situation. Although, I don't think my parents or my in-laws are quite this opinionated on the subject. But you never know . . .

Got Wood?

So, Sissy & I drove all the way up to Wisconsin last week (hence the week-long absence) to help Mom get her house ready to sell.

There was much to do - stain a fence, spread mulch, clean a garage, move large stuff into the garage, paint a bedroom, general staging, etc.

All this cleaning/moving resulted in several pieces of wood. Mom pulled out the trusty saw and saw horses, cut them up into manageable, carriable pieces. Since it was trash day and the trash truck hadn't been by, we hauled them to the curb.

Not the curb at the end of the driveway mind you. No, they had to be hauled to the end of the block, and she lives on the "loooooooooong" side of the block. Mom's street was tore up for complete re-paving. (Yeah, we totally had to haul all our luggage and what-not that far too.)

After two or three trips, it was all down there, kind of hanging into the street a bit. Definitely taking up a preemo parking space right at the corner.

We worked all day in the 90 degree heat, cleaned ourselves up and headed out for the evening.

We walked aaaaaallllllll the way down to the car.

The trash was gone.

The recycling was gone.

The wood was not gone.

We left anyway.

When we got back - around 9:30 - the wood was still sitting there. Not even the rubbish scavengers were interested.

We made our way aaaaaallllll the way back to the house. After we got inside, my mom was just beside herself fidgeting.

We really should go get that wood. It's taking up a space where someone could park. I don't want anyone getting upset at me.

[Eye roll]

Mom, I don't think anyone knows you left the wood down there. We can just go get it tomorrow if it's still there.

No, someone might know I put it down there. And there isn't a lot of parking. And I'm just not going to sleep tonight knowing . . .

[Eye roll]

I looked outside.

It was dark.

No one was around.

No one was going to see us going down to get the wood. No one would know my mother left the wood down there if we went and got it tonight. If we waited until morning, we would definitely be seen and anyone who may have gotten upset about the wood taking up a perfectly good parking space would know it was her. Blah, blah, blah.

[Sigh]

Fine, let's go get it.

There was a lot of wood so we decided to take the wheelbarrow to haul it back. My mom's house is over 60 years old and I swear so is the wheelbarrow we were using. It very well could be, it used to be my grandfather's and he died almost 20 years ago. So it creaks and groans even when it's empty.

Every bump in the sidewalk (and there are many because it may also be 60 years old) makes the wheelbarrow jump. When it lands it makes that "thunder" noise. You know the sound, the one every kid loves to make it by shaking a found piece of sheet metal. It's friggin' loud!

Here we are, in the cloak of darkness, taking the wheelbarrow aaaaaalllllll the way down to the corner to pick up the wood.

Gah-gong.

Gah-gong.

Gah-gong.

For crying out loud. Get out the metal trashcan lids, pots and pans and some wooden spoons. We could have had an old fashioned parade! The neighbors would be thrilled!

So much for going quietly.

As we approached the end of the street, I noticed a beacon of light showing us the way.

No it wasn't the moon.

It was a street light.

Shining right down on the pile of wood.

So much for our cloak of darkness too.

Silver Lining:

1. On the way back, because there was some weight in the wheelbarrow, it didn't make as much noise.


2. We only had to make two trips to get all the wood back to the house. Since the wheelbarrow was so noisy, I didn't even bother taking the wood out, I just dumped it (with a loud clatter) into a pile on the driveway.


3. We are only aware of one neighbor witnessing our "stealthiness" - they just happened to get home later than we did, like while we were retrieving our contraband wood.


4. Mom's house was in pretty good shape when we left. Hopefully, she'll have the house sold and be moved down near us by Halloween.

The Fly

My husband has this tendency to leave his fly unzipped.

I don't get this. Normal operating procedure is:

1. button/snap


2. zip

Two steps. How hard can it be?

Yet, almost daily, I remind him to zip his fly.

So this morning, I signed and rolled my eyes. Then said, "Honey, your fly."

His response, "Heh, heh. I left that open for you."

I thought to myself, "Oh, the privileged life I lead. I live to wipe snotty noses, change pee soaked sheets, find missing socks and remind others to zip up. Yes, it's a privileged life."

Silver Lining:

1. I have noses to wipe, sheets to change and those socks eventually turn up. It means we have children to love, warm beds to sleep in and clothes on our backs.


2. I have a husband who makes me smile daily and whose absentmindedness on this issue reminds of me of the good things I have in this world.

Wardrobe Malfunction

Have you ever put your underwear on backwards?

Now that's just plain uncomfortable. Although, it could be akin to wearing a thong that's just way to large.

Unless you already wear a thong. Would you even notice?

I'm not a thong wearer so I don't know these things. And trust me, I'm not going out to buy a thong, just to find out if it's uncomfortable when put on backwards. And since I have no thong wearing experience, and I have put up a wall on the possibility of becoming one who wears thongs, I'm not sure I would be a good judge. Either way, correct or backward, a thong is going to be uncomfortable for me.

Speaking of clothing and being uncomfortable, I was at the mall this weekend and saw:

• a man, who had to be at least 70, wearing "skinny" jeans and those black sneakers with the really flat bottoms, a la Jonas Brothers. All he needed was a jacket three sizes too big with his sleeves rolled up a cuff or two and the creep-o-meter would have blown into the ultra-red zone.
  
  Who dressed him, his twelve year old grand daughter?



• a woman with shoulder pads in her suit. Not just shoulder pads, I mean SHOULDER PADS!
  
  Eighties style.
  
  Everything else about her seemed normal, except her head. Without the huge hair (to balance out the SHOULDER PADS), her head looked really tiny - almost shrunken.



• a woman with a belt around her waist.
  
  Her "waist" appeared seven or eight months pregnant.
  
  Having been pregnant myself, I know for a fact that as soon as my belly was large enough for maternity clothes, the belts were relegated to the back of the closet. The last thing I wanted to do was restrict my movement anymore than what that baby was already doing.
  
  I don't care what the fashion of the day is, belts on pregnant women is never going to be part of it. So my guess is that this woman was not pregnant and simply in denial as to where her real waist was.
  
  I'm no fashionista and I'm not skinny, but I know belts do not look good going down around the small of my back and up to the top of my belly just under my boobs.



• a woman in the mall wearing a full length fur coat with a black leather vest over the top of it.
  
  Was it a real fur? Probably not.
  
  I wasn't at the type of mall where women wear such things. What kind of mall would that be? I'm not sure women who wear real fur coats are the mall type at all.
  
  Anywho, I was uncomfortable because I couldn't help staring at her.
  
  It was like a train wreck.
  
  It was like someone wearing a thong swim suit without "landscaping" first. Weird!

Silver Lining:

1. I'm not a thong wearing kind of gal. Otherwise, you might be reading a blog by "Flossy" instead of "Pollyanna".


2. No one busted me for snickering at them. No one except for God of course. Yes, I'm doomed, but sometimes I just can't help being a total catty, snob.

Free Peep Show!

Getting ready for bed last night, I set my jammies out on the bed.

Then, I went to the closet to get undressed and put my clothes directly in the laundry sorter. On the way to the closet I pulled the cord to close the blinds.

This is NOT my routine.

Usually, I get undressed in the bathroom and put my jammies on in there. Not because I'm a prude who can't get nekked under the bright, shining, overhead light in the bedroom, but because that's where I leave them when I get in the shower each morning.

After getting on my jammies, I pick up my clothes and throw them in the pile of dirty laundry outside the closet door.

Yes, I a few moments ago did write that there was a laundry sorter inside the closet, but that pile is just soooooo convenient when your tired or just plain lazy (which, sadly, is more often than not the case).

Anywho, now I was nekked and had to walk to the bed to get my jammies on.

I walked past the window with the closed blinds and stood right in front of the window with the open blinds. There was a paralyzing moment before my arm went into action and pulled the cord.

The bottom of the window is about two feet from the floor - thankfully my knees & gnarly, unpainted because no one sees them in the winter toenails were shielded! Really, what would a Peeping Tom think?

Sorry the free show was last night so most, if not all, of you missed it.

If you were in the alley behind my house last night and happened to look up at my mortifying moment, I just have to say:

THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT!

Silver Lining:

1. I didn't hear any screams of horror, retching noises so anyone who saw me must not have thought it was a disguesting show.


2. I also didn't hear any applause, hoots, hollers, or whistles so it either wasn't a good show, or I've just told you all about a moment no one else even needed to know about.