I.C.E. Panties

I was searching through the laundry this morning for a clean pair of underwear for myself.

Some people's dryers eat socks. Mine, apparently, eats underwear.

I don't know what the deal is, but it seems like I have to do laundry every three days because I'M out of clean underwear.

So I'm picking through the laundry, tossing aside the kids t-shirts, thinking to myself, "Well, at least my underwear is smaller than their shirts. That will make it easier to sort out the clothing types."

It would be way cool if this realization came to me because I was going through some awesome weight loss diet. But alas, no. The kids have just gotten bigger. Funny how that happens; kids get bigger. Weird.

Anywho. All I kept finding were the "If I can't find anything else, I'll wear these" pair.

Ladies, you know the ones.

They aren't comfortable because they:

• ride up


• cut in


• fall down


• roll over


• all of the above and then some

But you hold on to them because days like today happen!

My I.C.E. (in case of emergency) panties SUCK!

They are so bad, I actually considered wearing a pair of Hubby's tighty-whities.

Too weird.

Pull a pair out of the dirty laundry?

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Going without?

I. Just. Can't.

So I will sit here all day in utter discomfort.

Where is the laundry fairy when you need her?

Silver Lining:

1. I will be shopping at lunch today.


2. One hour and counting.

PS - Sadly, I already had "laundry" and "underwear" as labels for previous posts so they both auto populated as I was typing them. *sigh*

Wardrobe Malfunction

Have you ever put your underwear on backwards?

Now that's just plain uncomfortable. Although, it could be akin to wearing a thong that's just way to large.

Unless you already wear a thong. Would you even notice?

I'm not a thong wearer so I don't know these things. And trust me, I'm not going out to buy a thong, just to find out if it's uncomfortable when put on backwards. And since I have no thong wearing experience, and I have put up a wall on the possibility of becoming one who wears thongs, I'm not sure I would be a good judge. Either way, correct or backward, a thong is going to be uncomfortable for me.

Speaking of clothing and being uncomfortable, I was at the mall this weekend and saw:

• a man, who had to be at least 70, wearing "skinny" jeans and those black sneakers with the really flat bottoms, a la Jonas Brothers. All he needed was a jacket three sizes too big with his sleeves rolled up a cuff or two and the creep-o-meter would have blown into the ultra-red zone.
  
  Who dressed him, his twelve year old grand daughter?



• a woman with shoulder pads in her suit. Not just shoulder pads, I mean SHOULDER PADS!
  
  Eighties style.
  
  Everything else about her seemed normal, except her head. Without the huge hair (to balance out the SHOULDER PADS), her head looked really tiny - almost shrunken.



• a woman with a belt around her waist.
  
  Her "waist" appeared seven or eight months pregnant.
  
  Having been pregnant myself, I know for a fact that as soon as my belly was large enough for maternity clothes, the belts were relegated to the back of the closet. The last thing I wanted to do was restrict my movement anymore than what that baby was already doing.
  
  I don't care what the fashion of the day is, belts on pregnant women is never going to be part of it. So my guess is that this woman was not pregnant and simply in denial as to where her real waist was.
  
  I'm no fashionista and I'm not skinny, but I know belts do not look good going down around the small of my back and up to the top of my belly just under my boobs.



• a woman in the mall wearing a full length fur coat with a black leather vest over the top of it.
  
  Was it a real fur? Probably not.
  
  I wasn't at the type of mall where women wear such things. What kind of mall would that be? I'm not sure women who wear real fur coats are the mall type at all.
  
  Anywho, I was uncomfortable because I couldn't help staring at her.
  
  It was like a train wreck.
  
  It was like someone wearing a thong swim suit without "landscaping" first. Weird!

Silver Lining:

1. I'm not a thong wearing kind of gal. Otherwise, you might be reading a blog by "Flossy" instead of "Pollyanna".


2. No one busted me for snickering at them. No one except for God of course. Yes, I'm doomed, but sometimes I just can't help being a total catty, snob.

Fifth Dear So & So Letters

It's Friday!

I've got a few things I need to get off my chest so I can have a good weekend. So I've written a few letters. I think you may enjoy some of my moments of misery, confusion, and dingy-ness.


Dear George,

Could you consistently lean back a bit when you poop? I know you have the ability to clear the perches as evidenced with the three piles of poop rising like volcanoes from the floor of your cage. I really don't like cleaning poop encrusted perches.

Grossed Out,
Your Birdie Mommy

Dear Padded Bra Makers,

Why do you make padded bras for children? Don't deny it. I saw them in the little girl underwear section at Wal-Mart!

Do twelve or thirteen year-olds really need padded bras? They grow up fast enough! You don't need to push that process by making their chests bigger than they really are.

Feeling A Little Ranty,
Pollyanna

Dear Self,

When trying to drill into a wall that has duct work in it, make sure the drill bit is turning the right way. If the bit is turning to the left, it will not penetrate the duct work. Going to the left only helps you remove screws.

Hee, hee. The left = loose screws.

Just an FYI for next time. You know, so you don't have look like an idiot when Hubby has to come over and help you.

DIY Dingy,
Me

Dear Mother Nature,

Did you really have to choose the moment I ran out to the garage to start a deluge of rain?

I was only going to run out and run back in. I was expecting to come inside with a few rain drops in my hair, not as a sopping mess with no towel in sight.

I know I've written you a letter at least one other time about the weather, and I never got a response. That's poor customer service. Maybe I should just take over for the Pleasantville area.

Wet,
Pollyanna

Dear Self (again),

Don't wear Crocs in the rain. You will slip & fall on a smooth surface. Such as a garage floor.

A Little Ache-y,
Me

There are others out there who share my thoughts - I'm sure of it. Why don't we all head over to Kat's place to see who else is writing letters this week?

Silver Lining:

1. George has a sparkly clean cage. I cleaned EVERYTHING! He was so confused when I was all done (because I rearranged the "furniture") that he almost didn't want to get back in.


2. After Hubby drilled a little hole for me, he didn't even tease me about the drill. I knew there was a reason I keep him around. XOXOXO to Hubby.


3. Apparently, I'll live after my little rain run. I eventually dried out. And my arm doesn't really hurt from the fall anymore