The New Fig Latin

First off - I'm baaaaaaack!

Sorry I've been away so long. Lots going on and not all that funny, but I need to get back to seeing the lighter side of life and this is my way of doing it.

On with the story.

Recently, when asked whether or not she was going to do something, a co-worker answered, "Yah, I'm funna."

Perhaps I miss understood, and she actually said, "Yah, I'm gonna." But if not, it begs the question, what does that mean????

Funna or fonna. I don't know how to spell it, only how to pronounce it. Let's just stick with the phonetic way for simplicity's sake.

Funna.

I have a theory on this.

I think she meant, "F*** yah, I'm f***in' gonna do it!"

Since it was an office setting, I can see not wanting to use the f-word, but a simple, "Duh" would have worked. Ok, if you're talking to your foss, I suppose you don't want tell him or her, "Duh". I do, but I'm not your typical office worker.

So, to be sly, you may want to use "funna". To the untrained ear, it just kind of slides on by.

Wow, there are so many fapplications for this new kind of Pig Latin!

You're in the middle of a crowded family restaurant and you take your first bite of super hot wings, "Holy crap! These wings are fot!"

Your buddy dares you lick your finger and stick it in an outlet, "No fay!" You may add "fasshole" at the end, but that really isn't all that sly.

There is a slight problem with words that already start with the letter F. In this case you just have to stutter a little, "That was f-funny." Again, very sly.

There are really only three rules to Fig Latin:

1. For words that do not begin with "F", replace the first letter of the word with an "F".


2. For words that do begin with "F", add an extra "F" to the beginning of the word.


3. Be sly about it.

If you get to cocky with it and don't follow rule number three, you can get yourself into a wee bit of trouble. If you do get yourself into trouble, don't come crying to me. You're the fidiot who didn't follow the rules and got caught.

Silver Lining:

1. I now have a way to let my inner potty mouth sing. Well, other than getting a kick out of using "Chuck" in the Name Game song.


2. I'm in the process of testing Shig Latin. Stay tuned.

Things I Don't Get

• Why do women do the front of their hair and not the back? Like when they pull their hair back in a ponytail or a banana clip, but pull out enough of the sides to still curl and frame their face.



• Banana clips.



• Little girls wearing clothes more appropriate for today's teenagers. Not that teenagers always wear appropriate clothing, but still I should see a seven year old in short, short skirts and shirts that are little too short. And sometimes make up??



• Candles littering the house. Really? I know they smell good, but wouldn't one or two be enough? The collect dust in my house and they're a pain to clean. I've got those fake on my dining room sconces - the ones with a battery to light them up. They have a partially melted look and they flicker - cool, huh?



• Those pop-ups on Foxnews.com or MSN.com. The kind where you barely mouse over a word and they bring up addition information, but usually unrelated to the article. If I want to know more information, I'll click on it! At the very least, it should wait until I've paused on it for a couple of seconds. Geez.



• In Farmville, you can't rotate the buildings.



• In Farmville, you don't get to keep your own mystery eggs or the animals that wander onto your farm. They're your gosh darn chickens, you should be able to keep at least one! And if an animal wanders onto my farm, I think the "Finders, Keepers" rule should apply.



• Mafia Wars.



• Democrats.



• People who feel the need to have the make of their car across the top of their windsheild. Dude, I can see that you drive a Subaru.



• Pink hair. Or purple. Or blaze orange.



• My daughter having a week off of school for quarter break and another week off for Easter break. She's off this week and again the first or second week of April. WTF??? That costs me a lot of money when it comes to daycare.



• Building a new elementary school and only sending K-2 to it and leaving 3-5 in the old school. You'd think they would just divide the school district. I know a lot of parents who are being forced to pick up their kids at two different schools, 12 miles apart, that get out at the same time. All the schools are currently on the same campus surrounded by corn fields. Buying additional land for another school building from the farmer wasn't an option?



• People who don't delete the forwarding e-mail junk before the real message. Especially when it's a joke - I'm bored before I get there and then it isn't as funny.



• Junk e-mail.



• Spam.



• Ballpoint pens that ooze.



• Why people still buy and use regular pencils when mechanical ones are so much more efficient. Who wants to walk all the way to a pencil sharpener? Or hunt around for one? Or empty it when it's full of shavings - those carbon shavings can make a mess similar to when toner gets out of the container on the copier or printer.



• People who don't replenish paper in the copier or printer.



• People who walk away from a jam in the copier or printer.



• People who regularly send 300 page documents to the printer in the middle of the day. Wait until early morning or late afternoon people!



• Bloggers who don't post anything for two weeks. Oops, that's me. Sorry.

Well, I guess this post would be better suited for Random Tuesday Thoughts, but I don't get these things today. Tomorrow it may be all better, and therefore, not as timely. So there you go.

Silver Lining:

1. I'm sure I have readers out there who can explain these things to me so I get them.


2. There are lots of things I do get. Like why my kids are so smart and so stinkin' cute (not that I'm biased or anything), how Mary Kay is the best skin care routine for the best value, cars need gas to run, you have to work instead of blogging in order to keep your job, etc.

Hold (hic) Breath Until You Feel Light-Headed, Feel Normal For An Hour, (hic) Repeat

Such is the life with me and hiccups. I doesn't matter what remedy I use to stop them, they come back in about an hour. Mind you, it's not an everyday thing. They seem to go away after a good night's sleep, but when the hiccups start in the morning, I know I'm in for a whole day.

It's real professional to hiccup during a (hic) meeting. You don't feel like a total stooge for doing so either. I guess this would be true if I were a teen(hic)age boy. Which is totally not the case. They're embarrassing - hiccups and teenage boys - because they're so ob(hic)noxious.

So I was eating lunch today. I didn't bring my lunch and I got a salad out of the "Wheel of Death" machine. I didn't look at is as I sat down and (hic) started assembling it. They vacuum seal the lettuce. And there is a vacuum seal on the meat. (hic) Neither one of these had a "tear hear" indicator or any notches (because I figure that out without them actually printing a "tear here" on the package), just some wavy edges on one end.

Wavy edges normally say, "Start opening from this end because it will make your life easier."

Well (hic), the wavy lines LIE!

I tried tearing from the wav(hic)y edge.

I looked for a separation in the pack(hic)aging to see if I could split it open.

I tried using my (hic) teeth to start a good notch in which to tear.

I tried using my plastic knife to puncture (hic) the package.

All my friends pretty much sat there and laughed as I hiccuped and struggled through assembling my lunch.

It finally took a pocket (hic) knife to tear open the packaging around the let(hic)tuce and the meat.

And after all that, the lettuce was soggy (hic) and there was ham packaged together with turkey. I don't (hic) like ham so I had to pick through it to get the turkey bits for my (hic) salad.

Piece. By. (hic) Piece.

They weren't exactly grouped nicely.

The (hic) croutons were stale too.

It was at this point I noticed the "sell by" date of last Friday. You'd think that was enough to scare the hiccups right out of me, but alas, it wasn't enough (hic).

Silver Lining:

1. I got my money back for the limp lettuce, stale crouton salad.


2. I held my breath for a bit and the hiccups stopped. But now, as I write this, they are back (hic).

It's A System & Only I Have The Decoder Ring

Hubby needed to "get out the door" this morning. Meaning, he needed to leave the house before eight o'clock. He's supposed to be at work by eight o'clock so you can see how the daily leaving the house at 8:15 is becoming a problem.

He is also in charge of getting our four year old, Stinkles, to the daycare.

If he leaves at 7:30, he can drop her off and still skate into the office at 8:10-ish. Which is better than the 8:45-ish he's been meandering in at. Seriously, at a little after eight, at least there are still people at the water cooler sipping on a cuppajoe and discussing last night's Olympics.

Anywho, so I thought he was done getting ready this morning, and I knew Stinkles was still in her nightie. I asked him to go bust a move on her while I finished getting ready.

"I'm still getting myself ready. I was out there [pause] parenting."

He had been trying to explain the difference between a reason and an excuse to our six year old who didn't want to get dressed because the shirt options presented both "made her cold." Which I totally don't get - they were both long sleeved cotton shirts. She wears this kind of stuff everyday and we've never heard the "cold" complaint before. She just didn't like the two shirts that happened to be clean so she was making an excuse not to get dressed.

Continuing his thoughts on "parenting", Hubby proceeded to dig himself a hole.

"You know this subject came up at the last guys night.

I was telling the guys how great it was that you were able to get home in time to babysit the kids so I could meet up with them. Ken (best buddy) pointed out that Barbie says, 'It's babysitting when it's other people's kids. When it's your own kids, it's called parenting.'

Then I said, 'That's woman talk. It's guys night so we're using guy talk. It's babysitting.'"

Why he felt the need to tell me all this, is beyond me.

Honestly, point values guys earn have a shorter half life than Uranium.

When guys earn points (flowers just because, emptying the dishwasher, a back rub, offering to get the kids out of the house, etc), they need to redeem them in short order. Otherwise, they disappear. The points they earn today have expired by tomorrow.

So basically, guys are walking around at ground zero for the better part of the day. It doesn't take much to lose points and dig a hole. And those negative points, they have a shelf life determinable only by the woman assigning the points.

And just so all you guys out there reading this know, there is no definitive point scale. It's all determined by the time of month, how egregious the offending action/statement is, and how many times you've dug the same hole.

He should have just stopped at, "I'm still getting myself ready."

Silver Lining:

1. Hubby regularly earns points by taking the kids out shopping with him and helping out around the house (when asked, of course - he is still a guy).


2. In the future, I think Hubby will live by the code, "What happens at guys night, stays at guys night." Lest he end up in the proverbial dog house over and over again because of testostorinic pride.

Simple Solutions

Nursing your baby is a special bonding time between a mother and child.

You should be able to relax and thank the Lord that your baby is hungry; thus, relieving the sometimes unbelievable pressure that has built up.

However, when your six year old is running around, bouncing off walls, and shrieking just for the fun of it, there is no relaxing.

So, what is a nursing mother to do?

Of course, the answer is simple.

You call your six year old over to you, unfasten the other flap of your nursing bra, and squeeze.

A squirt of breast milk right between the eyes has an amazingly quieting effect on the attitude of your older child.

Silver Lining:

1. I never had to do this because, I didn't nurse for very long and my girls are only two years apart.


2. I can't wait for the Island Luau this summer. I think the nursing moms in the neighborhood may have an unfair advantage in the water gun fight - they don't have to stop to reload.

Snow Wonder

How often do you really see a snowflake?

We've seen pictures of snowflakes. Most of us have made paper snowflakes.

As for the real thing, sure, we see blankets of snow. Fluffy "snowflakes" falling that are really clumps of snowflakes.

When they land on your hand, they melt too fast to really study them.

Or we take them for granted and write them off as, "Great, more white sh*t."

But last night was a rare opportunity. I was walking into Target with Cupie when I happened to look down at my red sweater.

There were bright white flakes that had fallen on me and weren't melting. You could see the hole in the center, the spines with the little offshoots, every detail.

I said, "Cupie, look at the snowflakes on my sweater."

As she stood in front of me, just outside the doors of Target, her eyes grew wider and wider while she studied the snowflakes.

"They're so cool!" she whispered.

That's right kiddo, they're so cool.

Silver Lining:

1. Once kids get to a certain age, the chances of you witnessing the "Firsts" seem to diminish greatly. This was the first time Cupie really saw a real snowflake and I was there to share the moment.


2. I realized I would stand out in the cold again and again if that's what it took to see a "First" of any kind. As for Hubby, I'm sure he'll stand outside in the cold to make sure that some "Firsts" don't happen - first car accident while parallel parking, first kiss, etc.

Wardrobe Malfunction

Have you ever put your underwear on backwards?

Now that's just plain uncomfortable. Although, it could be akin to wearing a thong that's just way to large.

Unless you already wear a thong. Would you even notice?

I'm not a thong wearer so I don't know these things. And trust me, I'm not going out to buy a thong, just to find out if it's uncomfortable when put on backwards. And since I have no thong wearing experience, and I have put up a wall on the possibility of becoming one who wears thongs, I'm not sure I would be a good judge. Either way, correct or backward, a thong is going to be uncomfortable for me.

Speaking of clothing and being uncomfortable, I was at the mall this weekend and saw:

• a man, who had to be at least 70, wearing "skinny" jeans and those black sneakers with the really flat bottoms, a la Jonas Brothers. All he needed was a jacket three sizes too big with his sleeves rolled up a cuff or two and the creep-o-meter would have blown into the ultra-red zone.
  
  Who dressed him, his twelve year old grand daughter?



• a woman with shoulder pads in her suit. Not just shoulder pads, I mean SHOULDER PADS!
  
  Eighties style.
  
  Everything else about her seemed normal, except her head. Without the huge hair (to balance out the SHOULDER PADS), her head looked really tiny - almost shrunken.



• a woman with a belt around her waist.
  
  Her "waist" appeared seven or eight months pregnant.
  
  Having been pregnant myself, I know for a fact that as soon as my belly was large enough for maternity clothes, the belts were relegated to the back of the closet. The last thing I wanted to do was restrict my movement anymore than what that baby was already doing.
  
  I don't care what the fashion of the day is, belts on pregnant women is never going to be part of it. So my guess is that this woman was not pregnant and simply in denial as to where her real waist was.
  
  I'm no fashionista and I'm not skinny, but I know belts do not look good going down around the small of my back and up to the top of my belly just under my boobs.



• a woman in the mall wearing a full length fur coat with a black leather vest over the top of it.
  
  Was it a real fur? Probably not.
  
  I wasn't at the type of mall where women wear such things. What kind of mall would that be? I'm not sure women who wear real fur coats are the mall type at all.
  
  Anywho, I was uncomfortable because I couldn't help staring at her.
  
  It was like a train wreck.
  
  It was like someone wearing a thong swim suit without "landscaping" first. Weird!

Silver Lining:

1. I'm not a thong wearing kind of gal. Otherwise, you might be reading a blog by "Flossy" instead of "Pollyanna".


2. No one busted me for snickering at them. No one except for God of course. Yes, I'm doomed, but sometimes I just can't help being a total catty, snob.

Snow Days, Snow Days, Boots & Shov'ling Blows Days

We had a wee bit of snow last week. And it got a little chilly.

Actually, it was more than a wee bit - it was about four inches by our house.

Yes, that’s more than a wee bit for these parts! I don’t want to hear about the four feet of snow you folks up north received. That’s normal for you. For some of you, that well below normal, but I don’t want to get into that right now. I want to talk about my four inches.

Anywho, four inches – at one time – is more than a wee bit for us.

Also, under normal conditions, the snow melts away by the next afternoon. But as I said, it got a little chilly.

As in bone-cold chilly.

As in, when the temperature rises to 17 degrees, you think to yourself, “Huh, it’s kind of nice out.”

As in your boogers momentarily froze your nostrils closed if you tried to suck up the snot that was streaming down your face while you shoveled the sidewalk.

Sorry, that was a little graphic, but dang it, it was cold!

They had to close school because of negative wind-chill temperatures.

The girls were excited because they got to wear the snow boots I bought them this year.

I’ve never bought my kids snow boots before – we really don’t need them. Like I said, the snow usually melts the next day. Even though, aside from being pink, they are ugly, Wal-Mart had snow boots on sale for only $8 so I went ahead and gave in to the begging and pleading.

With their snow boots on, they made tracks everywhere on their way to the car. Never mind that there is only about 15 feet to cover from the front door to the car, I think they made 15 miles of foot prints. I figure I got at least $8 worth of wear out of those boots in just this one wearing.

By the time I rounded up their wild snow trodden feet and wrangled them to car, I had determined that snow s*cks. I come to this conclusion every year, but I usually forget as soon as Easter arrives and the possibility of snow falling has long passed. But this year, that conclusion may stick with me a little while longer.

Why? You ask.

Let me tell you why.

Because I got stuck in a ditch, that’s why.

It was one of those moments. I took my foot off the gas to slow down as I approached a stop sign. I wasn’t going very fast to begin with. When I wasn’t slowing down fast enough, I stepped on the brake. Anti-lock brakes kicked in right away, and the forward motion slowed down.

Unfortunately, the forward motion somehow transferred to a sideways motion. And there was no stopping it.

I swear it was like a movie happening in slow motion. There was nothing I could do except pray that I didn’t hit anything. I somehow missed the electric poles, stop sign, and other misc. signage, cables on the side of the road.

Whew!

I was less than a half mile from my house. In fact, I could still see my house from the ditch. But I couldn’t just walk home.

• I didn’t have snow boots of my own.


• The girls were with me in the car. Even with snow boots, I was not going to have them walking on an ice covered road with essentially no shoulder.


• And it was booger-freezing cold out.

I called Hubby and he was going to come rescue us, but first he had to dig his car out and defrost the windows.


So we sat.

And we sat.

So many nice people stopped to make sure we were ok, had a cell phone, had help coming, etc. A guy in a pick-up with the salt thing-ies on the back and a plow in front stopped to see if we were ok. I was hoping he had a chain or rope to pull us out. He didn’t, but he did offer to give us a push. Another guy in a pick-up pulled up around the same time and helped as well.

They pushed on the front of the car.

I hit the gas.

The wheels just spun. Or they did nothing. I don’t really know because I wasn’t out there. The electronic stability control light kept blinking and one of the guys kept telling me to hit the gas. So I’m guessing the wheels didn’t spin at all – the car just sent zero power to them because it sensed there was no traction.

They pushed on the back of the car.

I hit the gas.

The wheels were spinning or doing nothing again.

That stupid light was blinking at me some more.

Hey, there is a button that says “ESC on/off”.

I pushed it and I took off like a rocket! Who knew I had a rocket booster right there in my little Kia?

Perhaps if I’d hit it earlier, I could have gotten myself out of the ditch.

Oh well, lesson learned.

Silver Lining:

1. There were several people who stopped and/or slowed down to make sure we were ok. I don’t think there was a single vehicle that just passed us by without concern.


2. Once we got out of the ditch, we were out on main roads and the snow was generally non-problematic.


3. It’s finally “warming” up here. Most of the snow should melt by the end of the day as long as the sun stays out. All that will be left are those big piles in parking lots and at street corners. Perhaps I’ll send the girls out in their snow boots to kick them down so they melt faster. How much do you think I could charge for this service? Oh wait, I might run into child labor law issues. Nevermind, we’ll all just have to look at the nasty, dirty gray-colored piles for an extra couple of weeks or so.

Un-Resolutions

Kind of like your un-birthday, but for resolutions.

As in, I can make all the resolutions I want, but I'm never willing to live with the consequences so I'm not sure why I even bother.

For 2010, I Un-Resolve:

1. to eat healthier.
   
   Oops, blew that one already.
   
   I had a pop tart for breakfast. It was a chocolate pop tart so I can't even fudge and say I ate "fruit" for breakfast.
   
   And those White Cheese Cheez-its that I ate for lunch have no redeeming nutritional value.
   
   I think I'll round out the day with a Ding-Dong for a snack and hot dogs for dinner.



2. to exercise daily.
   
   Well, that just blows.
   
   Who says that the daily routine of bending over in the laundry room rooting around for a pair of clean matching socks isn't exercise? I totally worked those quads trying to keep my balance. I mean, I didn't even sit down to accomplish this task. And at the end, when I found a pair, I did a great victory pose with both arms up, waving the socks - just like an athlete on a podium. I suppose an athlete would have some flowers instead of socks, but you get the picture.
   
   On the upside, we have a Wii. And lots of games. I can really work up a sweat flicking a Frisbee. Maybe I can work a little more Wii Resort into my schedule.
   
   Fine. I'll get out the Just Dance game and pick a song that has a star rating greater than one for effort. If you haven't seen this game yet, check it out here. I've got a mean Elvis impression going on when I'm dancing to "Little Less Conversation". NOT!



3. to manage my time more wisely.
   
   That means I have to blog less. That ain't happening!



4. to clean and organize each room of my house.
   
   Hmmm, I have four bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, a breakfast room, a dining room, a family room, a kitchen, a mudroom, a basement, and a garage.
   
   Even if I did one a month, I wouldn't get them all done before the year was up. Besides, if I only cleaned the toilets once a year, people might get grossed out.
   
   So I'll just give up on this one straight away and stick to my "lick & a promise" philosophy. That means, each room gets a quick once over so it looks good until someone starts pulling out dingy-looking white gloves.



5. to live more frugally frivolously.
   
   I had to change it to frivolous in order to make this a true un-resolution. Because living frugally is one I might actually be able to accomplish. Stinkin' money (and lack thereof) keeps getting in the way of me hiring a dietitian/cook, personal trainer, maid, and/or assistant to help me with all my resolutions.
   
   Hey, I was frugal already today! I ate the foods readily available at my desk instead of heading to the snack machine or using up gas to buy something at a fast-food window. Yay me!



6. to park in my garage.
   
   Have I ever mentioned I have had a garage in which to park my car for more than six years?
   
   Have I ever parked in my garage for more than a day?
   
   Nope.
   
   We've been working on a storage wall which is ready for hooks and the like, but now we need money to buy the hooks and shelves. Living more frugally is going to preclude those purchases.
   
   Although, getting the garage organized will allow us to park in there. Then we won't spend as much on gas when the cars are idling out front in an attempt to defrost the layer of frost off the windows, and warm them up prior to plunking our blubber encased butts in them for the drive to work.
   
   Too bad blubber wasn't a barter-able commodity - I'd be rich!!

See by un-resolving I'm way ahead of the New Year's Resolution game. While everyone else is getting bummed out because they have failed to keep their resolutions, I am right on target with my un-resolutions.

Silver Lining:

• Tomorrow is another day. For all the un-resolving I do today, I have a chance to actually do tomorrow.


• With the right perspective, living a little more frugally is good for the soul. Enjoy what you have and forget about what you don't.

2009: What a Ride . . .

Every year brings about changes. You can never say this year was just like last year. And don't even get it in your head that next year is going to be just like this year - good or bad.

Looking back on 2009, this blogger has seen a lot of changes.

Let's see, I started the year off as "The Laughing Idiot" and while it's a very appropriate, I'm not the only idiot out there. So Pollyanna emerged as the one who could see the the bright side of most situations (otherwise you all just didn't hear about it), even those including her own dorkiness.

What?

You don't remember how big a dork I am?

You don't remember the time I opened the umbrella on myself? In the car?

Or the time I tried to use a toaster oven at work? Or the time I ate greasey chips while reading a weight watchers magazine?

And I'm not the only one out there.

Hubby eating watermelon?

The people at the Kindergarten Readiness meeting? Sometimes I wonder why you don't have to get a government issued license to have children.

Speaking of Kindergarten, the biggest change for us was realizing that our oldest baby was smart enough to rhyme, old enough to lose teeth and tall enough to be mistaken for a school ager. So, bitter-sweetly, we went ahead and sent her off to Kindergarten.

This year our carpets smell fresher than last year - at least they did for a few days after Stinkles squirted toothpaste all over them.

I've learned several things this year too (and once you learn them, you don't generally unlearn them so I'll have to learn something new next year).

I've learned:

• Making fried rice at home is not as easy as it looks in a Chinese or Japanese restaurant.


• Willis Tower is the most visited attraction in Chicago.


• A 10X12 tent does not fit very well in a 11X11 space.


• I am calendar challenged.

One of the most awesome things from this past year that will probably never happen again - Oprah's people called me! It probably won't happen again because I'm not really all that interesting now that they've actually talked to me.

And she's going into her final season.

*pouting*

Oh well, 2010 should be interesting. With my random acts of dorkdom, my own family's idiosycracies, and everyone around me doing and saying and singing the funniest stuff, we're all sure to learn something new.

Or have a good chuckle at the very least.

Silver Lining:

1. Most of you have been with me throughout 2009 - thanks for hanging out.


2. Cheers to all of you staying on the ride with me as I travel through 2010.

This is What Happens When You Drink an Entire Bottle of Wine By Yourself

Random Tuesday Thoughts couldn't come at a better time, because I am less than coherent and totally on a random path.

So let's just go.

Boobs.

I've got big ones. Seriously, I could end up with black eyes if I tried to run a spint. Someday, I'm going to get a boob-ectomy, but for now, I'm stuck with the big ones that take up waaaaaaay too much room in my shirts. It is quite the bummer because I could breast feed using only one position - the football hold. You literally hold your baby like you're tucking a football. The timing of this conversation was totally ironic because we're totally watching da Bears vs the Vikings right now.

I seriously hope the the Vikings lose. Not just because I'm from Green Bay and am totally pissed that Favre left to go the Jets then on to a rival team. But because I just watched the movie Kicking and Screaming with Mike Ditka and I really want him to have a good night with da Bears winning.

Good thing there is spell check. You guys should have seen that previous paragraph prior to spell check. There are words like "totaltally" and "pised" and "MOVIE".

Also, it's a good think I'm wearing waterproof Mary Kay Ultimate Mascara. I keep laughing, and tears are forming in the corners of my eyes. I'd be a raccoon if it wasn't waterproof.

That's really hard for me too, wishing da Bears a victory. Being from Green Bay makes it really hard to root for either da Bears or the Vikings. It's like ripping my heart out. Unless you've been there, you just have no idea.

The Wine Bar has the best Shrimp Parmesan dip. It's wonderful because they serve it with warm French bread. It's super crusty and there is no just taking a bite right off the baguette. You would end up with way too many unladylike crumbs on your boobs. Unless you're flat chested. Being as I have big boobs, I would have the crumb problem. To be ladylike (aside from the snortful, drunken laughter), I broke up the baguette.

The Wine Bar has a huge full length mirror directly across from the toilet in the ladies room. If you're a "wide wiper", you can look at your pretty parts. I'm not sure if it's the same in men's room. I didn't go check it out. Really, what would be pretty about that?

Dang it, a Bear just got hurt. Look out! Mama bear is upset. I can't have them hurt; it might ruin their lead. Mama bear - that hurts too. But it's better than being a Viking.

Seriously, I do not have a single pretty picture of a Viking woman in my head. They'd all be named Helga - Helga Favre. Not a pretty part. A bear is really a much better picture - sad.

Well, that's it for my random thoughts. For the guys, let's end on the same note as we began.

Boobs.

Silver Lining:

1. While the Vikings and da Bears were playing in cold, cold, cold Chicago, no one's armpits were showing signs of emitting steam. That would have been weird and wrong.


2. The Wine Bar is only a quarter mile from home so you can leave during a commercial and still make it home in time to make fun of the Vikings without missing a play.


3. Keely's got lots more people with coherent random thoughts. Perhaps, you should pop over there. Click here, or on the purple button all the way back at the top of the page.

Christmas Is . . .

Wishing everyone the Merriest Christmas ever!

Besides the obvious (and by obvious, I mean the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ, not Santa and presents), what does Christmas mean to me? Well, you all are in luck because I plan to tell you.

Mistletoe. A bell hangs from the bottom of ours. We like to stand under it and ring the bell so someone notices and gives us a kiss. Good thing there is a bell because standing under the mistletoe loudly saying (Will Farrell style), "I'm standing under the mistletoe. The mistletoe has someone standing under it. Hello people, mistletoe stander here." Well, that would just be weird.

Extra days off work. Not that they are really days off. The kids get up at six in the morning because they don't understand the concept of sleeping in on a day off. Then, there is the cooking, shopping, housecleaning, etc. that you feel you must do while on vacation. I don't know anyone who takes time off work and actually loafs around their own house. Most of the time we pay good money to travel someplace in order to act like a bump on a log in the name of being on vacation. Never mind the fact that if you were disciplined enough you could do it at home for FREE!

Risking your dignity in order to get the very last, "I must have it" present. We've all been there. Everyone out there has tried to make a child's dream come true at some point.

Return lines for all those thanks-but-that's-not-what-I-wanted-you-should-have-done-a-gift card items. I really don't like giving gift cards. But forcing someone to stand in line to return an item, get a store credit and have to stand in line to buy what they really want just doesn't seem very Christmas-y. A gift card just expedites the process. I actually like getting a gift card for places I don't normally shop for myself. It forces me to do something for me.

Yuletide carols. What is a yule? I jumped away to look that up (not that you could tell) - apparently, it has something to do with a 12 day hunt that occurred around this time of year in good ole Germany. I wonder if that hunt yielded dancing ladies, drummers drumming, golden rings and a partridge in a pear tree too.



Cupie. The sparkle in her excited eyes rivals any star in the sky. She's a rare creature who will insist you tickle her more which I happily indulge in just to hear her laughter.

Hubby. Without my husband there is no Christmas. Not because he gets me a lot of presents. He is my champion, he is my soul mate. He is the killer of spiders, the disciplinarian of children, the believer in Reagan-omics. God brought Hubby to me, and I accepted His gift with all my heart. There is no Christmas without my husband because there is no Christmas without God.

Ringing bells announcing the beginning of church services. I know they are rung before every service, but on Christmas, they just sound a little richer, bolder, truer.

Iridescent sheen on fancy stuff - clothes, ornaments, napkin rings. Twinkly lights shining through the light layer of snow.

Stinkles. With hair that is a deeper and more beautiful red than any Christmas bow, she has the passionate personality to match. It's that passion I love so much. Her stubborn attitude is the one that insists that she's not tired even though she's falling asleep standing up. And it's the one to force me to set aside the need get out the door for the appointment I'm already late for in order to snuggle for a couple of minutes.

Time with friends. We had a progressive dinner recently. It only took us five or six hours to "have dinner", but it is a highlight each year. Yes, there is A LOT of food. But making the time for conversation, laughter, and enjoying the company you're with is an important part of the feeling of Christmas.

Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters - family. Then, there is the extended family. And the friends who might as well be family. Wow, the house can get pretty full! Much better than the alternative. May we all be able to spend this time of year with someone.

Astronomical budget bleeding. I can't help it!

Struttin' around in your giant pink bunny suit, or what ever obnoxious article of clothing your weird aunt _____________(insert the name of your choice here)made you this year. It's more fun to strut around like a proud peacock than to sulk in a corner. Have fun with it!

Silver Lining:

1. In a world full of sin, God sent his only child to die for our sins.


2. I don't think we need anything more than that. Merry Christmas everyone!

Fast Cash

Yes, I know I've been absent for awhile - sorry. I've been very busy and not my usual chipper self, but I've got a little giggle for you today.

Have you seen these ads on TV: "Send us your gold and we'll send you a check." They show a pile of glitz. Then, a person with a goofy, fake surprise look and and fistful of cash pops up.

I've often thought, who in their right mind is going to blindly send off their jewelry that is potentially worth a fistful of cash? Must be a scam.

I don't know about the places on TV, but apparently, there is a local place that buys gold for cash. A girlfriend of mine just traded in some broken chains, earrings that were missing the match, rings she doesn't wear, etc. She watched the entire time as a balding guy behind the counter scrutinized her offerings under a magnifying glass, weighed the acceptable pieces, punched some numbers into a calculator and handed her a wad of cash!

This morning, I eagerly went through all my jewelry in anticipation of a lunch time adventure.

Amongst other pieces, I had:

• a broken chain necklace


• a bracelet I had gotten from a boyfriend sixteen years ago


• various single earrings


• the original setting for my engagement ring


• and a ring that I couldn't where it came from

It was a pretty ring with a tear-drop shaped opal offset by a couple of diamond dust chips. I was still looking at it, wondering where I had gotten it, when Hubby came to check out the loot.

"Where did you get that?"

"I was just wondering that myself."

Then, it hit me.

"Oh, yah. The other Knuckle-head gave that to me."

The other "Knuckle-head" was a guy I dated before Hubby and happens to have the same first name as Hubby.

He was such a jerk, when I decided to break up with him, I refused his phone calls for an entire day while I filled about half of one of those blank journals with all his short comings. When I was finished writing about how much of a jerk he was, I called him over to my place, sat him down (I remained standing) and read him passages from the journal. I even made him wait while I said, "And another thing, hold on I need to find it," so I could find the right page. I made sure he knew why I broke up with him.

Cold? Perhaps. But that jerk still had the nerve to tell people he didn't understand what went wrong with us!!!!!!!

*shudders*

Anywho. Hubby looked at the ring again, plucked it out of my hands, and tossed in with all the rest of the jewelry to be traded.

"Yup, that's goin'."

Silver Lining:

1. Got $25 for that ring.


2. Got about $300 for everything else. I couldn't believe I had that much "money" lying around - it was all stuff I don't wear for one reason or another. You just never know what you're sitting on!

Parental Logic

Because I've got eyes in the back of my head . . .

I brought you into this world, and I can take you out . . .

Keep it up and Santa may put you on the naughty list . . .

Because I said so . . .

Ah, the logic of parents.

My girls are small enough to still believe almost everything I say. Especially if I say it with any sort of authority.

From personal experience, I know this will not continue into the teenage years.

Case & point (I was about sixteen):

"Dad, are there onions in this?"

I can't stand onions. I can taste them in everything.

Hubby and I went to the Waffle House once and my order of hashbrowns had been cooked on a griddle that at one point in time had onions on it. I nearly choked on the first bite - they had a distinct onion taste. I wasn't even hungry after that.

Dramatic? Yes.

Changable? No.

Back to dinner with my dad.

With a look of complete disbelief, he answered, "How could you tell? I minced them up! You can't even taste them."

Being a smart*ssy teenager, I responded, "If you can't taste them, then why are they in there?"

"For flavor." Too late - Dad was soooooo busted.

I just grinned from ear to ear and pushed my bowl away.

Silver Lining:

1. I had gotten too big for him to knock me into next week.


2. I had gotten old enough to take notes for my own parenting manual. Too bad I was a perfect angel. That manual is not helping me deal with the temper tantrums and mischievous actions of my own girls.

Memory Making Moments

The holidays are a great opportunity to make memories with your family, aren't they?

Yes, they are. And, wowie, my family has me to record them all. They're so lucky!

My Mother-In-Law thought it would be nice to have ALL of us sit in the dining room. That makes 11 people sitting around an eight foot table in a 12 X 12 room. The usual dining chairs would have taken up too much room around the table so there were folding chairs interspersed. Since the dining chairs sat a little taller, we put the kids in the dining chairs so they would get a little boost.

Of course, as soon as Hubby sat down, he noted how high the table felt. Out loud.

Then, the kids trickled in.

"Hey, why do we have to sit in the big chairs?" You would think this would be a treat not a trick. Oops, wrong holiday. Naturally kids are going to complain about any perceived inequality. Never mind the fact they got the more comfortable chairs.

Uncle Jay entered the room and sat in one of the folding chairs.

"Dude, these chairs are low!"

My niece Amy pointed out that Nana's "Days 'til Christmas" sign said there were only 10 days until Christmas. Being the bright fourth grader she is, she knew Christmas couldn't possibly be that close. It's only Thanksgiving! Duh!

Popo was pouring wine. I had my amaretto & 7-up from earlier so I was good. Hubby & his brothers don't drink wine so they poured their sodas in their wine glasses. Classy, I know.

There was a lot of chaotic conversation. Popo was trying to say grace. There was probably some burping & farting.

"Shut up! It's time to pray!"

"Thank you oh, Lord, for these, thy bountiful gifts which we are about to receive. In Jesus Name, Amen."

"Amen."

More chaotic conversation.

"Did you know the 'Days until Christmas' sign is wrong?"

"Why are these chairs so low?"

"Throw me a roll. Really, your mom's not looking. Go ahead throw it here."

"More wine anyone?"

Hubby started coughing. He has these fits sometimes. I've come to learn that as long as he's still breathing, to just wait it out and then ask if he's ok.

Being a nurse, my mother in law is also well aware of this protocol.

Everyone stopped talking for a moment.

Hubby did stop coughing and there was a collective sigh of relief.

"Whew, at least no one has to do the Heimlich."

"The hiney lick? That's gross."

"I'm not licking any one's hiney."

"There's no green been casserole?"

"You know if it really came down to it . . ."

"Oh, alright. If it really came down to it, I would like a hiney if necessary."

"Thank goodness, that's not how you really stop someone from choking."

"No, but someone might start choking if they got a hiney lick."

"We're having vegetable casserole this year."

"Or, you might be the one choking if you were the one giving the hiney lick."

"Beans are good for your heart."

"Why am I sitting so low?"

"I know a song about beans."

"There's more than ten days until Christmas you know."

"I'll take some more of that wine now."


Silver Lining:

1. Dinner was delicious. My in-laws out-did themselves yet again this year.


2. Time with family is precious. As chaotic as it was, I wouldn't trade my family for anything.

Giving Random Thanks

Thanksgiving is a mere two days away. Am I prepared with a beautifully dressed turkey and a carefully crafted Christmas shopping list?

Nope.

I'm prepared to be totally random in things I'm thankful for.

• I'm thankful this is my blog and I write the way I want to write without regards to all things grammatical. So I don't want to hear anything about the "ending with a preposition" thing I did just prior to starting the list.


• I'm thankful I have a loving family.


• I'm thankful for Swingline staplers. They really are superior. Red is even better, but no one has gotten me one of those for Christmas yet.


• I'm thankful I and Hubby both have jobs this season.


• I'm thankful to have a roof over our heads. Right now, we have the choice of two roofs considering I don't think our renters are going to buy our old house, let alone pay us rent for living there. Not really grateful for that situation, but it's better than having no roof over our heads.


• I'm thankful the early settlers got over that whole "potatoes are poisonous" thing. Kind of ironic how the American over consumption of fried potatoes is now killing us with clogged arteries, but at least they aren't poisonous - that would sure be a downer on the fast food industry.


• I'm thankful the turkey wasn't named the national bird as Benjamin Franklin wanted. We wouldn't be able to eat turkey on Thanksgiving! What would we have instead? Ham, chicken, burgers? Those all just seem so ordinary. Ducks or any other fowl are too small. Turkey is perfect!


• I'm thankful for modern transportation. Did you know the Mayflower was only about 100' X 25'???? That's a smaller footprint than the end zone on a football field! If I want to travel across water, I have my options of a boat the size of three football fields or an airplane that's twice as long as the Mayflower and has these things called wings and engines.


• I'm thankful the moderate temperatures of the summer have not yielded and icy fall. This weekend was gorgeous, no jacket required during the day. May not be quite as nice on Thursday, but at least we aren't looking at three feet of snow.


• I'm thankful most of you don't see my every day dorkdomness. Like when I bite into a hot dog and ketchup squirts all over my shirt or how I sometimes snort when I laugh.


• I'm thankful my kids don't care too terribly much when their jeans get a little hole in the knee. I haven't found any nifty patches, and replacing jeans for every little hole just seems wasteful.


• I'm thankful I live in a country with an "official" start for the Christmas shopping season. Seriously, how does the rest of the world know when to have all their sales and go on major shopping benders for the holidays?


• I'm thankful that there isn't anything I feel the need to buy that would require me to get up at 3AM in order to get in line before the store opens at 5am. Friday is going to be my mental health day - I'm even sending the kids to day care for at least half a day. Hubby, on the other hand, needs to go and get us a new rotating Christmas tree stand.


• I'm thankful for the health I have.


• I'm thankful for all of you readers. You make me feel good when ever you comment. At least I'm not talking to myself out here in blog land.

To visit all the other random thinkers, click on the pretty purple button above to visit them at The Un-Mom.

Silver Lining:

1. Hubby does all the cooking for Thanksgiving so I really do get to relax and just deal with the pretty stuff (setting the table, decorating, etc).


2. As of Friday, it will officially be OK to crank the Christmas music on my radio at work!

A Day Off

Why do you take a day off work?

A single day.

Not a whole week for vacation.

Just a day.

Most of the time, it's to get something specific done. Get the car worked on, take the kids to a doctor appointment, finalize a major purchase, etc.

My sister took a day off work on Friday. She had to get her car inspected so she could renew her license plates. Sounds like a legitimate reason to take a day off, right?

Totally legitimate if that's the real reason she took the day off.

But that's not why. No, getting the car inspected was a side item that just happened to occur while she was busy doing what she really took the day off for.

What was the real reason you ask?

To go see the new movie aimed at folks about half her age: New Moon.

She dropped her car off at the inspection place and walked (yes, WALKED) ten minutes to the movie theater. At 9:30. In the morning.

And get this, she was bummed because no one else wanted to go with her. Can you believe it? No one else wanted to use up their PTO in order to go see a movie on a Friday morning.

The auto shop was supposed to call her when her car was finished. She didn't get a call during the movie so afterward, she hung out in the lobby of the movie theater for a little bit.

Sissy had a plan. It made no sense for her to walk all the way back over to the auto shop and sit there until the car was finished. All they had was bad coffee and a 13" TV showing only local channels on rabbit ear service.

The Plan:

• Sit in the lobby, look at watch a couple of times.


• Stand up and walk around the lobby.


• Open phone and pretend to make a call.


• Scan the show times for all 18 movies showing at that particular theater.


• Pick a show.


• Nonchalantly, wander into a second movie without paying for another admission ticket.

2012 was showing in about five minutes. After a squeal of excitement and a little skip in her step, Sissy headed over to that theater. So much for nonchalantness.

Almost as soon as she plunked her butt into a seat, she realized she was hungry. She'd been there for a couple of hours already and it was getting pretty close to noon. At the concession stand, she got herself a healthy lunch of popcorn & soda.

She had to risk exposure for not having a proper ticket, but I suppose she saved herself the embarrassment of getting kicked out for making loud and obnoxious bodily noises during the movie. You know there would be some geek there on a Friday who would complain because he couldn't hear the movie due to her stomach growl reverberating throughout the nearly empty theater.

She'd be asked to leave. The geek would reveal that he saw her walk out of New Moon and into this theater without buying another ticket. Judge Wapner would jump out of the shadows, determine that she had defrauded the movie theater, and pound his gavel sentencing her to a year without any Twilight. Oh, the horror!!!!

Good thing she risked it all for that popcorn and soda.

Silver Lining:

1. We have something new to add to the usual Thanksgiving list. Because of her stealthy ninga-ness in getting in and out of the second movie without getting busted for being ticketless, she did not end up in jail for defrauding a movie theater. Thus, she did not have to make the license plates that are now on her legally licensed car.


2. I'm a little impressed. She saw two movies, got her car inspected, got an oil change, AND ate lunch all in the span of four hours. Now that's what I call multi-tasking.

Stakeout!

Do you ever feel like you're in a movie?

What kind of movie do you picture yourself in?

Drama, action, comedy?

Me? I'm totally in a dramactionedy.

We've had renters in our old house for two years now - we're on our third family.

We haven't received our November rent payment. They have never been late before so it was a little perturbing.

We've called, sent an e-mail and even wedged a letter in the door jam. But they wouldn't call us back or communicate with us in any way. Really, if something was going on, why wouldn't they at least call us?

Feeling as though we had no choice, we trucked out there hoping to find them at home.

I am not one for confrontation. My heart beats so hard, you can see it Looney Tunes style thrusting in and out of my chest. Big difference though. My heart beats out of fear, not out of love. At least I don't get those big X's over my eyes.

We parked the car across the street and walked up to the door.

I swear the entire neighborhood could hear my heart beating. Like in Poe's The Telltale Heart, the sound just kept getting louder and louder.

Hubby made me do the knocking.

The renter's son answered the door and told us they weren't home, but they should be shortly. We left and got back in our car.

"He is totally calling them right now. What are we going to do?"

I was whispering in my own car. Why, you ask? Here's where the movie part comes in. Because that's what they do in the movies. Anytime there is a plan developing, the actors tend to whisper, a loud whisper, but a whisper no less.

"We're going to move the car around the corner so we can see the house, but where it's not real obvious we're watching. Then, we'll wait and see if they come back."

I moved the car and turned it off. We had a nice view of the house.

Then I noticed the dash lights were still on. What if they could see the glow of the lights; thus, be able to see my face?

I pulled the keys out, but the lights stayed on.

I opened & closed the car door, and the lights on the dash went out, but now the over head light was on.

I clicked the lock button on the remote and the light went out quicker than if I'd just let it fade on its own.

In hind sight, the light issue could have been avoided if I had:

1. just turned the over head light off at the switch


2. realized that someone driving 25 - 30 mph was not going to notice the very faint glow of my dash lights, let alone be able to discern my face.

Anywho, we were safely locked in our car, but not really in stakeout position. I sunk down in my seat, started eating my McDonald's cheeseburger and slurped on a diet Coke. Now, I was in stakeout position.

They finally pulled into the driveway. Can you hear my heart beating??????

We let the garage door close and gave them enough time to get into the house. I went to start up the car, but had to click the unlock door button on the remote AND actually open a door prior to starting the car or we may have had a horn honking debacle on our hands. Nothing like ruining a perfectly good stakeout with a lot of horn honking and lights flashing to announce your position.

To make a long story short, we managed to pull off a stakeout, but we were not able to get our rent. It's still unresolved at this point.

Silver Lining:

1. We managed to keep ourselves out of the news by not being complete landlord *ssholes. We didn't try forcing our way into the house and raising a ruckus in an attempt to collect our rent. That always turns ugly and usually gets you on to shows like COPS. Also, I don't look good in orange.


2. We know they haven't abandoned the property and it doesn't look like that is their intent.

Morning Me

You guys are just getting whatever spills out of my brain today. You're going to get a little taste of my day starting with 5am.

I had to restart the alarm. It went off at 5am, I hit snooze. It went off again at 5:09 and I hit the ocean waves button, which is on the left side of the clock. And it resets the snooze. So I turned the alarm off, changed the "wake up time" to 5:11, and turned the alarm back on.

The alarm went off at 5:11, I hit snooze.

The alarm went off at 5:20, I hit snooze.

The alarm went off at 5:29, I hit snooze.

The alarm went off at 5:38, I got up.

Got ya there, didn't I? You thought I was going to hit snooze again.

5:45-ish

Why do women need make-up? Granted, I'm not leaving the house without it, but who started this?

I must say, I really like my new Mary Kay facial highlighting pen. It really does make my eyes look more awake. I'm all about the allusion of looking awake.

6am-ish

Where did hubby go?

Since he's playing on the computer, I will too.

Wow, that sounded childish. Too bad. You all get the benefit.

Random Tuesday Thoughts. I'm not really all that randomly funny this early in the morning, but I haven't posted in a few days so I really must do something. Let's just see what falls out.

I'm hungry.

I'm re-reading what I've written so far and while it may not be funny to you, I'm cracking myself up. Sad, isn't it?

Now, I really need breakfast.

Crap, one of the kids just got up.

7am-ish

I'm hungry. Dang kids! I never got a bowl of cereal.

A turkey sandwich or a peanut butter sandwich? Tough decisions. Geez, I wish I was in Kindergarten.

How do kids have so much energy in the morning? I'm dragging ass & haven't had any coffee yet, but they're running "the racing circle" screaming their heads off.

Who decided an open concept floor plan was a good idea? There is always some kind of wall somewhere that gives the kids the idea that the entire floor is a race track. I can't believe I haven't lost a child to a counter corner head injury or to the beating they would receive upon breaking the doors to the china cabinet.

8am-ish

Library day was yesterday.

Did Cupie return her book? Nope.

Did we even read the book? Nope.

It needed to go back but it was only a few minutes before the bus was going to get to her stop.

Compromise time. Let's read on the porch!

Of course, it was chilly and my jacket was locked in my car. Being the good mommy I am (stop tittering), I didn't want to waste time getting my keys so I could get my jacket; thus, risking the chance that we wouldn't be able to finish the book. It was about chipmunks. How long could that possibly take?

Dear God! It was actually about chipmunks. As in, they live in burrows (which the main entrance is about a yard long) and they have five black stripes on their backs (which you can see even when they are babies and don't have any fur).

I opened the book and it smelled musty. I really should have told Stinkles to back away because the mold spores emanating from the book could have activated her allergies and killed her. Half of it was black & white (I'm sorry, yellow - the pages have yellowed) and half of it looked like it was colored with chalk.

I closed the book just as the bus turned the corner. Cupie skipped off to school and I'm the greatest mommy in the world!

I'm still hungry.

Dude, you all must be bored as hell. I'll spare you the rest of the morning details. The most exciting thing after Cupie got on the bus was that I ate a bowl of oatmeal at 11am.

Woot! Woot! What a fantabulous morning! NOT!

I'm not the only one suffering from this randomness. Visit the "Un Mom" by clicking the pretty purple button for more. Go on, click it!

I SAID CLICK IT!

Sorry, the mom in me feels the need to tell everyone to do something at least three times.

Silver Lining:

1. If you made it this far, you deserve something special for your efforts. Go scrounge around some one's desk for a piece of candy. You know some one's got candy - everyone brings it in right after Halloween so everyone has a chance to watch their butts expand. No sense keeping the candy at home all to yourself so only your own butt expands - that's just selfish.


2. Did I mention I'm the greatest mommy in the world? You're gosh darn right I am - I sat in the chilly morning air reading a book that had to be returned to school because it was already late. I saved my child from feeling completely dejected because she had to return a book that she personally picked out, but never got read. I'm a hero! Do you think a Hershey kiss could be fashioned into a medal? It's the only thing shiny around here (lots of Halloween candy, remember?). Aw, forget it, I'll just eat it.

Free Peep Show!

Getting ready for bed last night, I set my jammies out on the bed.

Then, I went to the closet to get undressed and put my clothes directly in the laundry sorter. On the way to the closet I pulled the cord to close the blinds.

This is NOT my routine.

Usually, I get undressed in the bathroom and put my jammies on in there. Not because I'm a prude who can't get nekked under the bright, shining, overhead light in the bedroom, but because that's where I leave them when I get in the shower each morning.

After getting on my jammies, I pick up my clothes and throw them in the pile of dirty laundry outside the closet door.

Yes, I a few moments ago did write that there was a laundry sorter inside the closet, but that pile is just soooooo convenient when your tired or just plain lazy (which, sadly, is more often than not the case).

Anywho, now I was nekked and had to walk to the bed to get my jammies on.

I walked past the window with the closed blinds and stood right in front of the window with the open blinds. There was a paralyzing moment before my arm went into action and pulled the cord.

The bottom of the window is about two feet from the floor - thankfully my knees & gnarly, unpainted because no one sees them in the winter toenails were shielded! Really, what would a Peeping Tom think?

Sorry the free show was last night so most, if not all, of you missed it.

If you were in the alley behind my house last night and happened to look up at my mortifying moment, I just have to say:

THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT!

Silver Lining:

1. I didn't hear any screams of horror, retching noises so anyone who saw me must not have thought it was a disguesting show.


2. I also didn't hear any applause, hoots, hollers, or whistles so it either wasn't a good show, or I've just told you all about a moment no one else even needed to know about.