The Trip Up

Last week was just too busy to get a post in before we left - SORRY!

The trip up to Wisconsin was quite uneventful.

We planned on leaving at midnight Wednesday, but ended up leaving at one. That in and of itself is quite an accomplishment for us. Usually, we set a time to leave for a big trip and end up leaving town well after the set time.

Before children we would go on float trips with a big group of friends. It always involved camping for one or two nights. I am not much of an outdoor girl and would prefer to sleep in a hotel, but my Eagle Scout husband will have none of that. As an Eagle Scout (the highest Boy Scout rank), he is all about being prepared (as per the motto) and in doing everything without modern conveinences while camping. This means we do not use lighter fluid. We make a chiminy do-dad, light paper at the bottom & hope it gets the charcoal hot enough to burn. Honestly, the way he was so anal about making a fire, I'm surprised we were even allowed to use matches. I'm sure if it were totally up to him, we would rub sticks together or if it was sunny, at the very least use someone's glasses to make a flame. There were usually eight to twelve other people there so I think in a survival attempt, he gave into the matches. If he is drastically out numbered it is in his best interest to not hold up the fire for cooking - you don't want an angry mob on your hands.

Camping also means we have to sleep in a tent. For him a tent needs to have enough room to stand up, change clothes, do a jig and have a lounge separate from the sleeping quarters. We used to have the "tajma-tent". It had it's own "living room"! I think it said it slept eight, which means it only sleeps six, and there were only the two of us. For me, he gave in to an air mattress and I no longer had to gather leaves to form pillows - he let me take my own.

Because we usually ended up leaving so late, we were the last ones to the camp site and had to set up our tent in the dark (even though the sun doesn't set until almost ten o'clock). We fought about it every time because (a) I'm bad at setting up tents and (b) I'm crabby because it's late. This tent set up became a source of entertainment for our friends. The would turn their chairs toward us, pass out popcorn & wait for the show to begin.

So anyway, one hour lag was a pretty big deal! The kids slept most of the way. Cupie woke up around 5:30 or 6:00 just as it was starting getting light. She looked out the window and said, "What's all that white stuff?" It was snow!!!! It's not like she's never seen snow before, but in St. Louis, it ususally melts before the end of the day. Snow that lasts more than a day is a novelty. Welcome to the frozen tundra baby!

Silver lining - We still have children after a nine hour car ride (we're not in jail for permanently maiming them either).

Ridin' Along in My Automobile - Part 2

Please read the previous post before continuing: http://lifemakesmelaugh.blogspot.com/2008/11/riden-along-in-my-automobile.html

We worked on our “laptop on a box DVD player” the other day.

First order of business was to find a sturdy box that will fit in the back seat. Now, it’s a pretty roomy back seat, but not any box is going to do. Computer boxes were our best bet for something quite sturdy, but most of them are too big. A computer monitor box is at least 2’X2’.

After taking careful measurements, we decided to cut one of the monitor boxes in half and sandwich the two pieces together to make one skinnier box. Initially, this didn’t work so well. The two halves don’t fit together very smoothly. Duct tape was in order. We needed to tape the two halves together in order to keep it together and the top mostly flat.

You know how tape has a tendency to un-stick itself from cardboard? Well, it does. We solved that problem by wrapping the duct tape all the way around the box – side to side & top to bottom.

We put the box in the back seat. It fit snuggly, thanks to our careful measurements, between the front & back seats.

Snug fit from front to back – check!

There was a problem though. It seems there is a small hump in the middle of the backseat floor. While the box fit pretty well, we needed to make sure it didn’t rock from side to side while on the road.

Second order of business was to stabilize the box. Lop off the bottom & cut a little curve in the bottom. That sounds like a good solution. Back to the car.

Stable from side to side – check!

Time for the laptop. We attached Velcro to the top of the box & the bottom of the laptop. This seemed to work out ok, but now we needed to plug in the laptop. Rob has one of those adaptor boxes with a regular outlet on one end and a thingy to plug into the cigarette lighter.

Power – check!

We put the girls in the back seat and went for a test drive.

Reality – big fat goose egg! There seemed to be some issues.

First, the girls complained that they couldn’t see very well. It was an old laptop so viewing the screen from an angle left much to be desired in the picture quality. There were a whole lot of dark spots.

Secondly, and overall more important, the front passenger seat could not be reclined. It seemed there was an obstacle. Oh, yah, it must be the box because it had to be wide enough to hold a laptop and the space between the two front seats was less than 12”.

I guess this wasn’t such a good plan. Good thing we tested it early. We still have time to order a new DVD system – it should arrive on Monday.

Silver lining:
Dude, do I even need to give you one? In retrospect, the whole idea was not such a good idea.

Ridin' Along In My Automobile

We are driving to Wisconsin to visit my family for Thanksgiving. It is a big to-do because we haven’t made the trek to the frozen tundra since my cousin got married more than three years ago.

Speaking of that wedding, we had one of those handy-dandy portable DVD players which kept Kate occupied. We had to listen to the same Baby Einstein video over and over, but we eventually tuned it out. Kind of like when your spouse is babbling on and on about designing a VPNISPVOIPRAMROMCPU (how do you pronounce that?) compatible computer network, the decision making process in choosing the right fabric for drapes, or fitting FASB amortization tables into the GL matrix.

Something went haywire with the power cord on that DVD player and we called in a warranty claim, got a shipping label & everything. We haven’t gone anywhere for a really long time so I didn’t think about it much until I came across it while unpacking our garage (one year after moving into our new house). It had never been sent in for repairs so it is now useless.

Back to the Thanksgiving trip. We no longer have a video system to entertain the kids on the eight+ hour trip to see my parents. Until, EUREKA, Hubby had an idea!

He has an old laptop with a DVD player in it. Could I sew some kind of bag and harness to hold it between the seats? I couldn’t believe I was actually considering this. I guess I could try to sew something – my specialty is straight lines so it could get interesting. What would we use for the harness part? Maybe elastic? No, too much movement. How about we just tie it up with rope?

Driving down the highway (or at every rest stop), I can only imagine the thoughts of the other travelers around us:

The elite in their limos: Suckers! They have to drive themselves. I think I’ll take a nap now.

The soccer mobile (AKA mini van): Glad I bought this mini van with the DVD player built in. What a bunch of hoosiers.

The couple without kids: We are sooooo buying a vehicle that has the DVD player built in. I don’t want to look like a hoosier driving around town. (Never mind that kids are expensive enough without going out and buying a special vehicle just to feed their need to watch videos 24/7.)

The grandparents: Those poor deprived children, their grandparents should get them one of the car systems for Christmas.

The other families traveling several miles with kids in the car & no DVD player: Damn! That’s a good idea. Wish we had thought of it.

We considered it further. Sewing something wasn’t such a good idea. There were too many complications – how to hold it up, creating a slit for the DVD drive to open, sewing something like corners, etc. We needed a new idea.

There isn’t a hump in the middle of the back seat, maybe we could put the laptop on a box. How would we keep it on the box? Velcro. OK – we have a plan!

Stay tuned to find out how well this plan was executed.

Silver lining: We’ll just see what happens . . .

Delightful Peanut Butter Cookie Bars

I have made this dessert before with tremendous success. It was sinfully yummy!

There was a “Chili Cook-off” at my office & they were looking side dishes & desserts. The best one got a prize. I thought to myself, what kind of dessert goes good with chili – MY PEANUT BUTTER BARS!!! I had the winning recipe. . .

. . .if only it came out as good as the first time I made it.

The first time I made it, I a single batch and was gobbled up pretty quickly. The dough also fit quite nicely in my average size bar pan. Note: this pan fits in our top oven. Since I was making a dessert for a lot more people, I decided to make a double batch. I had to pull out the BIG bar pan – this sucker is 20 inches long. Note: this pan does NOT fit in the top oven. I cranked on the lower oven, which is bigger and uses more energy to heat up, but it allows more airflow around baked goods so it does a better job overall because you don’t have to up the baking time.

I pulled the cooled cookie dough out of the fridge. It was a little clumpy (should have been my first clue that disaster was going to ensue) and I had to really work it into the pan with my fingers so that it didn’t have any gaps. I ultimately had to use a pizza roller to spread it out into the pan.

I remembered that the last time I made this scrumptious dessert I had to bake the cookie part 17 or 18 minutes; right in the middle of the 15 – 20 minute range. So that’s how long I baked it. After it was finished baking you need to spread some melted peanut butter on top, add a layer of marshmallows, and drizzle on some chocolate syrup. I didn’t have any syrup, but I figured I could add it later.

I tossed it back in the oven sans syrup for another five minutes (per the recipe). After five minutes, the marshmallows were puffy, but most of them hadn’t gotten that nice caramelized color – just a little on the ones in the back. They went back in the oven for another couple of minutes. Still there wasn’t much color.

I was concerned about over-baking (which the recipe specifically tells you not to do) so I pulled it out anyway. It was too late. Four paragraphs ago, I mentioned not having to up the time in the big oven. Hmmmm, yah, forgot about that point. I should have started at 15 minutes and only done the five minute marshmallow thing. The edges looked pretty crusty. Actually, that may have happened no matter what I did considering the consistency of the dough when I put it in the oven.

I muttered something about not having a Crème Brule torch to brown the rest of the marshmallows. Hubby’s eyes lit up. I though he was thinking about the soldering torch he had and about fainted at the thought of that flame hitting a dessert I was bringing to work and seeking a prize!!! He was actually thinking about one of the lighters we had. It’s one of those refillable ones that acts like a mini torch. It was sort of like a Crème Brule torch and I gave him the go ahead.

It didn’t light at first, but finally the pffffffffffffff sound was emitted and Hubby started waving the lighter over the pan. Continuous movement was not working so he started concentrating on smaller areas and lit one of the marshmallows on fire!!! I made him stop, deciding I didn’t want to burn down the house (it was a sizable pan and could have made quite a bonfire in the kitchen) or least of all, present some blackened peanut butter coal to my co-workers.

Before cutting it and putting it on a tray to bring into work, my peanut butter bars had to cool. I was going to a Mary Kay party at my friend Mary’s anyway so I could take care of the “presentation” after I got home. This also gave me an excuse to ask for someone to give me some chocolate syrup.

After the party and at least two glasses of wine (she lives within walking distance so I was not drinking & driving), I was going to add the syrup & cut up the bars.

I added way too much syrup and decided to mop it up with some paper towels. Here’s a tip: Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup does not “mop”, it smears. I guess that took care of anyone noticing the marshmallows were not caramelized. It also hid that burnt marshmallow quite nicely. Ten paper towels later, I was ready to cut.

Now this pan is expensive & Hubby would kill me if I used a knife in it. I used a spatula to cut the first row out & move it to a cutting board. It was C-R-U-N-C-H-Y! The marshmallows were super sticky too. I should have cut the edges off because you could have broken a tooth on them, but I didn’t think of that until after I cut it all up. By then the pieces would have ended up too small to matter so I left them. I easily moved the remaining bar from the pan (because the cookie part was so hard) and proceeded to cut it into squares.

As I was cutting, the marshmallow top started to peel away from the cookie base. I set the “tops” back on and placed them on my tray, covered everything with saran wrap and then had a revelation – the marshmallow was going to stick to the saran wrap! It was too late – I would deal with it before the cook-off.

In the lunchroom, well before the cook-off, I carefully pulled the saran wrap off. It took my fifteen frickin’ minutes as I was gently pealing the marshmallow from the saran wrap and then placing the marshmallow back on top of the cookie – every single one of them.

As I watched my co-workers eat them, everyone would take a bite and the entire marshmallow top came with the first bite - that sticky marshmallow wouldn’t give up to a set of choppers for anything. It was embarrassing.

Needless to say, no one asked for the recipe nor did I win a prize. Phooey!

Silver lining:
1. There weren’t any bars to bring home so it wasn’t a total loss.
2. I may not be expected to ever bring home-made anything into the office again. Everyone will be relieved when I bring in store bought stuff.

You Will Always Be Older Than Me

I’ll admit it. I’m getting older – not old, just older.

Cupie saw a guy with thinning hair and asked what happened to his hair. Good thing he wasn’t in ear shot – I would have been mortified. I first explained that talking about how people look is rude. Then I told her that sometimes when men get older, their hair stops growing on their heads and comes out their ears & nose instead. I told her to ask Uncle Steve (Hubby’s brother) next time we saw him if he had more hair growing out of his ears.

Hubby has nice thick hair with no evidence of thinning, but being three years older, he will always be older than me.

Recently, in an effort to convince my children that their father was old, I’ve told them the following:

You see that port-a-potty out there (we live in a construction zone)? Well, daddy is soooo old, that they had a wooden one of those in their back yard. He had to go potty in it because they didn’t have bathrooms in their house. It was called an outhouse back then and they smelled pretty bad because there wasn’t any water to flush.

You better take care of your toys. Put your toys away so no one steps on them and breaks them. You know, when daddy was little, he didn’t have cool toys like this. They had to hunt for a block of wood, then use a knife to cut a design out of the wood – it’s called whittling.

You can’t play in the kitchen when daddy is cooking dinner. The stove is hot and you could burn your self. You see that fire under the pot? Daddy gets really excited about cooking on the stove because back when he lived in a cave he had to rub two sticks together until they started a fire.

Hubby got me back though. After one of these jibes, he said, “Mommy's not as young as you think. Daddy may have been on the council to name ‘dirt’, but Mommy was in the audience.”

Good one.

Silver lining:
1. He's still older than me.
2. Well, he's still older than me.

Goin' to the Courthouse, and We're Gonna Get Married . .

When I was pregnant with my eldest daughter, Cupie, I swelled up like a balloon. I looked more like a bloated sausage than a balloon, but that’s beside the point. I started wearing maternity shirts around four months. My fingers had already started to swell and my wedding ring no longer fit. I was self conscious about the fact that I was obviously pregnant, but now appeared to be unmarried.

I begged until Hubby finally agreed to go to Wal-Mart to buy me some sort of ring. I have a nickel allergy so I couldn't buy just anything; otherwise, I’d be swollen, red & itchy – a real pleasure to be around for sure. We stopped by the “fine” jewelry cases and looked at the plain gold bands. They had real gold bands in all sorts of sizes so I could pick one out right away & wear it as soon as we paid for it.

We had to ask a store clerk to help us because the rings were in a locked case. Of course, she had to stand there & pull out rings as we requested them. Oh, and we noticed later that Rob was not wearing his wedding ring at the time either.

Me: This one fits – it is fifteen dollars.

Hubby: OK, let’s pay and go home.

I shrugged my shoulders and set the ring down.

Hubby: What’s the matter? You seem disappointed.

Me: It would be nice to have something with a little sparkle. There are some nice ones over here.

We moved down a little bit – the clerk moved with us. By this time I had noticed Hubby’s ring was missing. I could totally read the look on the clerk’s face. It was to avoid these looks that I was buying the ring in the first place!!!

Me: This one is nice and it’s only thirty-five dollars.

Hubby: THIRTY-FIVE DOLLARS!?!?!

The only thing that would have made it any worse is if we had blacked out a couple of teeth and stop bathing three days before walking into the store!


Silver lining:
1. I got a sparkly ring and no longer felt self-conscious
2. The second time around, I could care less what people thought. When my ring didn't fit, I didn't wear it. Live & learn.

BUSTED!

We had family pictures taken recently. Hubby, the girls & I walked ahead of our photographer toward the fountains in the Grand Canal. When the photographer caught up to us, she said, "Did you see that? That guy almost ran me over!"

We hadn't seen anything, but it's a busy and weird little intersection so it did surprise me. Almost everything in New Town moves slower except for the cars.

The rest of the photography session was uneventful, but later . . .

The girls were inside taking naps, it was beautiful outside, and I had perennials to plant for next spring.

My neighbor was out for a run, but stopped for a moment. He said, "I'm sorry I almost ran over your friend earlier today. I saw you guys and waved, then I started to go and there she was! She gave me this nasty look and I said I was sorry . . . ."

When he stopped blustering, I was laughing. Obviously, he was confused. I had to explain - the photographer told us about almost getting run over, but we didn't see anything (not even his friendly wave). He totally busted himself!


Silver lining:
1. We are all human - who hasn't had a close call like that?
2. I glad I'm not the only one who busts herself. See my earlier blog entry here - http://lifemakesmelaugh.blogspot.com/2008/10/b-101-have-escape-route.html

Dear God, Bless America

I’m not one to debate politics, and right now, the attitude of this country is not making me laugh, but these quips are.

ENJOY!

“After Governor Bill Richardson switched his support from Hillary Clinton to Barack Obama last week, an angry Bill Clinton said, 'Five times to my face he said he would never do that.' Wow, so he looked you right in the face and lied to you. What's that like?" --Seth Meyers

"John McCain has been accused of stealing policy ideas from Wikipedia, which is ridiculous. Everybody knows McCain doesn't know how to use the Internet, so how could you even accuse him of that?" --Craig Ferguson

"Oprah Winfrey's in the middle of a big scandal, because she is refusing to have Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin on her show. The friction started because Palin said if she's elected, she'll be the most powerful woman in the country. And Oprah said, 'The hell you will!'" -Conan O'Brien

"You see Barack Obama at that rally surrounded by all those Kennedys? Man, I couldn't tell if he was running for president or bartender." --Jay Leno

"After his big speech in North Carolina today, Senator Joe Biden said he was experiencing a sore throat and lost his voice. Boy, the good news doesn't stop for Barack Obama. Just one lucky break after another." --Jay Leno

"Stock prices are down; major companies are being purchased by the government. It is a bear market and, I have to say, Sarah Palin is just the lady to shoot it for us." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Barack Obama called Hillary today to thank her for distracting everyone away from the whole crazy pastor thing. Obama's campaign is all about hope -- hope Hillary keeps saying stupid crap and getting herself in trouble." --Craig Ferguson

"How are you going to be the vice president of the United States with five kids to take care of? She's got a four-month-old of her own, she's about to become a grandmother, and she's partnered with John McCain. How many diapers can one woman possibly change?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Here's the amazing part: back in 1984, Sarah Palin actually came second in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant. Now she could be vice president. You know what that means? For the first time in history, a beauty pageant contestant might actually bring about world peace. They've talked about it for years; here's one that could do it!" --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama gave a speech in Germany and 200,000 people showed up. There were so many Germans shouting and screaming that France surrendered just in case." --Craig Ferguson

"We're learning more and more about John and Cindy McCain. He's on this big biography tour. I guess his wife Cindy is worth over $100 million because the family made money selling Budweiser beer. So he has a wife 20 years younger than him, free beer, and unlimited money. I think I speak for all guys when I go, 'Why is he running for president?'" --Jay Leno

"And they say that Barack Obama now is a little down in the polls. Now this is a surprise, because after they announced the vice presidential candidate, they were hoping to get that Joe Biden bounce. Now don't confuse that Joe Biden bounce with a Bill Clinton bounce -- that'll get you impeached." --David Letterman

"According to the New York Times, Barack Obama's campaign is having a hard time meeting their fundraising goals. And they're pressing their donors for more money. They want more money. In fact, Obama said today, he's willing to take change. He will now accept change." --Jay Leno

"Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin today said she thinks the economy needs some shaking up and some fixin'. I'm pretty sure that is also her recipe for oven-baked chicken." --Jimmy Kimmel

The Spoon

All my sister & have to say is “the spoon” around my mom and we all crack up.

My sister & I were in BIG trouble one day. So much trouble, Mom sat us down on the living room steps. This is where my parents always sat us when they wanted to talk to us together – I guess the couch was too comfortable and the hard steps were part of the punishment. She had also gotten out the wooden spoon – oh, oh.

So, Mom’s yelling at us. All I can remember right is “blah, blah, blah, AND I MEAN IT!” She smacked that spoon on the top of the knee wall she was leaning on and it split in two!

My sister & I busted up laughing – we couldn’t help it. Thank goodness Mom didn’t have another spoon handy! Fortunately, it was enough to relieve my mom’s anger and she started laughing too.

My mom lost all control over us from then on out. Anytime one of us was doing something that might get us in trouble, the other said, “Better watch it, Mom might get the spoon out.” Laughter would ensue and Mom’s punishments would be lighter. Like being sent to your room for the evening – never mind the TV, telephone & radio we each had.

Silver lining:
1. I learned a valuable lesson that day – spoons are not infallible.
2. I made a mental note not to make my kids rooms so comfortable that it’s not a punishment to be separated from the family for an evening.

BEWARE - El Chimichanga

I mean El Chupalupa.

No, El Chupacabra. This is a bloodsucking extraterrestrial that preys on livestock and prefers goats.

My friend Kitty’s family believes in this thing – and it could be here in Missouri.

The fact that is officially classified as an extraterrestrial, gives one the first clue that it is an urban myth. The second clue is that this mean ET was originally seen in Puerto Rico, but it is now associated more with Mexico. Third, the first sighting was in 1995, the same year “Species” was one of the top 30 grossing movies of the year. The resemblance between the creature in this movie and this bloodsucker is uncanny.

Somehow this chupalupa (as I affectionately call it), has made its way to Missouri. How did it get here? Well, I have a theory on that.

First, it had to get off Puerto Rico so it must have hitched a ride as a stowaway on a cruise ship. Unless, it was a Halloween cruise, then it could have just boarded as is. Other cruise goers would probably wonder why this “person” wore their costume all the time, but the exceptionally weird people are usually left alone. Exceptionally weird people tend to be talkers about stuff nobody cares to hear about and mistake you talking to them as an attempt by you to bond with them in everlasting friendship. A cruise ship, while quite large, is a moving island with no escape; thus, the exceptionally weird are avoided by normal people.

Second, once it got to Mexico and wiped out the goat population, it had to move on to greener pastures – the United States!! Perhaps it saved a few goats to trade with the “coyote” for a ride across the border. Again, he might not get away with it until Halloween so timing is key. On the other hand, if the coyote really needed some goats, he might not ask a lot of questions.

Finally, the chupalupa got a ride on the drug expressway. Interstate 44 (pronounced farty-far for some St. Louisans) is known for being a gateway to the Midwest for drug cartels. The chupalupa jumped off at Independence. Independence is not know for their goat population (it’s apparently the real gateway to the West, never mind the fact that St. Louis has the big arch), so Kitty’s mom won’t leave her dog out in the yard for long because the hungry chupalupa might be lurking.

Silver lining
1. Thank heaven for http://www.snopes.com/ – the saving grace for telling us whether every outlandish story we here is real or not.
2. Having never heard of this before Friday, but now a self-proclaimed expert, I don’t really think it came to Missouri. Why would you leave someplace warm like Puerto Rico or Mexico for Missouri (it is quite cold out today)?

It's Hard Being This Damned Smart

His words, not mine. When I say his, I mean my darling husband.

When we have a big day coming up (holidays, election, leaving an employer, etc), one week before the day, Hubby will in announce, “It’s the second to last, second to last day!”

What?!?!?!?!?

He’s been saying this for years and I never really understood it. He could explain it a thousand times and I would get it for the moment and then forget.

Do YOU get it?

Here’s the rationale:

Let’s say Halloween is our big day, which is on Friday, October 31st this year. This is the last day.

We’ll work backward from here.

Thursday, October 30th is the second to last day (we all use this phrase)

Wednesday, October 29th is the third to last day

Tuesday, October 28th is the fourth to last day

Monday, October 27th is the fifth to last day

Sunday, October 26th is the sixth to last day

Saturday, October 25th is the seventh to last day

Friday, October 24th is the eighth to last day. However, this could also be called your second to last Friday. Because Thursday, October 30th is your second to last day already, Friday, October 24th is your “second to last, second to last day.”

OH, MY GOSH! How many years to you think this has festering in his mind? It’s been at least five years because the phrase was first uttered two houses ago. Believe it or not, he thinks this was a stroke of genius! It just came to him one day.

Unfortunately, he is not the only one with a really weird theory about dates. Another time, I’ll discuss my sister, Sissy, and her “pretty number” thing.

Silver lining: Good thing I am not that weird – our kids would really be messed up. Considering both Hubby & Sissy have a thing with dates, it’s coming from both sides of the family. It may be too late, my kids are definitely screwed.

Jury Duty . . .

You get the summons in the mail and groan.

Nobody really wants to serve on a jury, but it’s something almost all of us with a driver’s license will have to suffer through one day. It’s our “civic duty” – gag me!

I got my first summons and had to report to the court house yesterday. It’s amazing how many people think they are way more important than everyone else so they should be excused.

First off, I was Juror 206 out of ???. All that mattered was Jurors 1 thru 210 had to report, unless you had already been excused. Apparently, 114 people had come up with good excuses when the summons first showed up in their mailboxes because of the 210, only 96 of us had to report. I should have put something on the form – what’s the most outrageous, hardly believable, but somewhat probable excuse I could have come up with?

Request for excuse: I can not report for jury duty on October 20th because I’m sure my parents are coming to get me on that day. I was left on the door step of the local Walgreen’s with a broken locket inscribed with 1020 W. From what I understand, there was a flash of light in the sky and a shiny disk flew away after I was placed in a plastic basket that had been left outside. Each year on October 20th, I sit patiently at the Walgreen’s, waiting for their return. I’ll know it’s them because they will have the other half of the locket with the rest of my real name on it. You see, “1020” must refer to October 20th & the “W” is the first letter of my first name, which is really “Weglesnar”. I have a spooky feeling this is going to be the year. The courts certainly would not want to be responsible for me missing out on this once in a lifetime event.

You think they would buy it?

Of the people who didn’t have written excuses and had to show up, three stood out:

One lady showed up with her baby in a stroller. She claimed her sitter had an emergency so she had to bring her son with her. For all I know, she borrowed a kid from a neighbor. Good gig – I’ll have to remember that for next time. Can you just imagine me dragging in Cupie? I’m sure I could train her to annoy everyone with a bunch of silly kid questions until they offered to pay me to take her away. Wait a minute, she is pretty good at that silly kid question thing. It wouldn’t take much to crank it up to REALLY annoying.

Another guy lamented about the fact that he was leaving for an “executive conference” on Tuesday. If he got picked for jury duty, he would be the only executive in his company not in attendance. Wah, wah, wah. “All the other kids got to go!” It was probably some motivational pow-wow where they all go boating, deep sea fishing, or some other unnecessary executive perk-ing.

A nurse in a chemo-therapy office said her boss was probably just going nuts today. “I don’t know how they are going to make it through the day without me” – can you say “DIVA!” Apparently, she asked for an excuse letter, but her employer would not provide one because they feel it is a person’s civic duty to serve. If her absence was really going to put them in some kind of terrible bind, surely, they would have made an exception. Anybody who thinks they are irreplaceable is in for a rude awakening one day.

Sure, I did my share of complaining. Who wouldn’t? I sat there all day and never saw the inside of a courtroom. I complained about what I could have done instead of sitting there, but I knew I didn’t have a real excuse so I sucked it up. I certainly did not make comments that would insinuate that my time was more important than anyone else’s.

Life is life – get on with it!

Silver lining:
I got to read the first couple chapters of a new book – I didn’t even have to sneak away to the bathroom for peace & quiet.
I discovered my electronic “Sudoku” game needed new batteries because it had been left on last time someone (probably me) played with it. I’ll know to check it next time.
I now know how long I can sit in a metal chair before my butt goes numb – it’s about 1 ½ hours, in case you were wondering.

I Like to Talk . . .

If you've ever met me, or read enough of this blog, you know, I have a lot to say! I don't think I ever really admitted it until recently. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Unless, you want to stop reading this blog, you should hope I never make it past step one. I digress, but to make my point . . .

I love my friend Demi, but DUDE, she is a slow eater. I know you should slow down and enjoy your food. Honestly, this is just the way Demi is - she is always the last one to finish a meal.

We went out to lunch at Dave & Busters recently. I don't know what we ordered and it doesn't matter. I finished my meal long before Demi. I was chatting away as she was eating and at one point, she stopped and asked me, "Do you mind if I keep eating?"

I said, "Of course not! You eat, I get to talk!"

Silver lining:
I have a dear & cherished friend in Demi. There is no need to look for a silver lining when you have friends like her.

I'm Going Crazy, Want to Come Along?

That was my dad's favorite expression when I was growing up. He would have the car keys in his hand and I would ask, "Where are you going?"

The response was usually, "Crazy, want to come along?"

The answer was always yes.

My kids drive me crazy sometimes. Take, for example, a recent dinner at the Covey household . . .

Part of the meal consisted of macaroni & cheese. My husband has gotten both girls hooked on BBQ sauce on their mac-n-cheese (GROSS!) so it is now a standard request. One night, we were out of sauce (DUN-DUN, DUUUUUUUUUN).

Cupie: I want some BBQ sauce.

Me: We don't have any.

Cupie: But I want some.

Me: Didn't you hear me? We don't have any BBQ sauce.

Cupie: BUT I WANT SOME.

This was obviously a lose, lose situation so I did what every good mother should. I ignored her and ate my dinner. Now, don't give me that look of horror! The way I figure it, I didn't throttle her; therefore, I'm a good mom.


Silver lining:
1. I may have broken the BBQ sauce on macaroni & cheese habit.
2. I'm one step closer to the nut house - where I can veg out & sleep all day in a padded room

How Do You Argue With That???

Dinner. It's always a good source of blog fodder.



We hadn't had pizza in awhile and I wanted pizza. I'm the mom and I can make those kinds of decisions.



The pizza was in the oven cooking already when Kate asked me what were having for dinner.



Me: We're having pizza!



Cupie: I don't want pizza.



Me: I know you like pizza. You'll be hungry later if you don't eat with us.



At the dinner table, Rob took over the negotiations.



Hubby: Here, just try some pizza.



Cupie: I don't want pizza.



Hubby: You've had it before. I know you like it.



Cupie nibbles on a piece.



Hubby: Did you like it?



Cupie: Yes.



Hubby: See. I told you, you liked pizza



Cupie: I didn't say I didn't like pizza, I said I didn't want pizza.



Now, I ask again, how do you argue with that????



Silver lining:

• Our baby is growing up and is actually understanding the nuances of the english language.

B&E 101 - Have an Escape Route

There is a lot of new construction around our house and I am nosy.

Once a house is under roof, I like to wander in and check it out. As it was, there was a nifty looking two story house built facing the green space near us. It was a style I had not seen in our community yet so I had to check it out. I was supposed to be "exercising" by walking directly to the mail center and back, but where is the story in that????

Any who. The door to this house is on the side - weird, I know. While the door had a latch, it didn't have a regular door knob, just an hex-head wrench-like device in the hole acting as a handle. I wandered in and made note the family room and kitchen, then wandered upstairs. The drywall was up and some vinyl on the kitchen floor, but nothing else so it didn't take long to take the tour.

I needed to be on my way because if I got home an hour after I left with no mail, I'd be in trouble. Back to the front door I went, only to find that there was no handle on the inside of the door - CRAP!!!!

In the kitchen, there was another door leading to the back yard - whew! I opened this door and looked down six feet at a sea of mud. Fantastic (not)! There were egress windows to the basement on either side of this doorway I was peeking out of, but they were at least four feet down AND to either side of me! The construction workers had placed a 2X10 across the span between the wells, but with all the recent rain, it was already bowing. Not to mention the fact that a 2X10 laying flat, stretched at least six feet between supports, is not very stable. I could just visualize myself stepping down on that board, thinking I had solid footing right before the CRACK! The board would snap & I would be sandwiched between two flying pieces of 2X10 right before I fell face first into the mud sea. DOUBLE CRAP!!!

OK - just think. I figured I could hang onto the door frame and swing myself out to one of the window wells and land on the edge. Considering the wallowing in the mud scenario above, this seemed the best alternative. Fortunately, my aim was pretty good on this day. I landed safely.

Now, I had a new problem. The door was still open. With all the rain, I didn't want anything inside getting damaged so I need to find a way to close it - how is that for a considerate criminal? I looked around (and discovered my next problem, but let's finish with this one first), but there was nothing. Just little ole me on my little ole ledge. I reached, managed to grab the bottom of the door and pull it toward me. But I had to get me fingers out of the way before it closed. It only took three or four times before I got enough momentum going, but it finally closed.

The problem I alluded to is that there was NOTHING around me. Nothing but the solid wall of a house, a window well, and the mud sea. I had at least twenty feet to the nearest solid surface, save for a little patch of grass/weeds just large enough for a person to stand on. The plan was to leap to the patch, stop, then re-group. I leaped out to the patch, but the momentum was too great so there was no stopping! I had to keep going, but managed to only take one step in the mud before getting to the alley!!!!!!!

I composed myself, looked back at the house, then got back to the original mission - getting the mail. I walked down the alley and realized there were neighbors sitting on their porch with prime viewing of my escapade!!!

I walked up to their porch and opened with, "I know you guys must be thinking, 'What, the heck was she doing?!?'" Wouldn't you know it, they didn't even see me! I totally busted myself for no reason!


Silver lining:

1. I learned to NEVER close the door behind me when I'm snooping unless there is an operational door knob.

2. My heart got more aerobic exercise escaping that house than it would have had I leisurely gone and gotten the mail as planned.

I Fought the Lawn, & the Lawn Won . . .

Hubby is not yet fully recovered from his surgery, which means I'm still in charge of the lawn. Last time I did not use the trimmer because I had never used it before & I wanted to get things done as quickly as possible.

As I stated in my previous post, using the reel mower isn't all that quick and it is an arduous task, but apparently it is nothing compared to the unwieldy trimmer.

The grass was getting pretty long around the downspouts & foundation. Heaven forbid, I get a letter from the "Yard Guard" about the shabbiness of the lawn. Sigh, better use the trimmer.

I got an extension cord (a yellow one, I couldn't find the nice long blue one my husband uses), plugged in the trimmer, made sure there was line in it (probably should have done this BEFORE plugging it in), and figured out how to turn it on. I pressed the trigger and the motor made noise, but the do-dad wasn't spinning. I let go and looked at the do-dad again. Yup, there is definitely line in there. I could see the line sticking out even before I turned it over, but I looked any way. I figured if I had to call Hubby, the first thing he would ask was if there was a line in it so I had to verify.

I pressed the trigger again. I got more motor noise, but no spinning. For cryin' out loud, how difficult could this be???? At this point, I notice an orange handle that I hadn't fiddled with yet. I moved the handle, pressed the trigger & viola, SPINNING! I am woman, hear me roar!

I move toward the nearest downspout. I pressed the trigger and while there was spinning, nothing seemed to be happening to the grass around the downspout. I had the trimmer up too high so it was just blowing the grass. So I move it closer to the ground and heard a "RRRRRRRRRRRRRRP". Now instead of having six inches of grass around the downspout, we had 6/16 inches of grass on one side of the downspout. You think I moved it too close to the ground?

So I continue on my way down the foundation. There are several "RRRRRRRRRRRRP" noises along the way, but I was pushing on toward the front of the house. Sometimes, the trimming looked very professional - most of the time it didn't. Tough beans, I'm getting it done!

I now know how crop circles are made - huge trimmers!!! You can make a nice little line, then a big "RRRRRRRRRRRP" for the center. You get those concentric circles by standing in the middle of one of the "RRRRRRRRRRP's" and turning around. You can make rainbows, music notes, what ever you can imagine. Honestly, I don't know why the aliens don't get more creative.

After plugging the trimmer back into the extension cord half a dozen times & moving the entire operation to the front of the house, I had all the trimming done. Now I had to get out the lawn mower. I don't need to go through all that again - just read my previous post about lawns and armpits.

In the end I may have gotten the lawn trimmed & mowed, but I was whooped! I could barely hold a glass of water my biceps were so exhausted. In fact, I ended up putting a straw in the glass & set it on the counter. Then I sat on a stool and bent down to the straw. Even today, my arms & shoulders hurt.

Silver lining:
1. I worked out for the first time in weeks!
2. We have a beautiful yard.
3. I solved part of the crop circle mystery. I now know how, but why do they make them & why don't they stick around to take credit for their work???

What it Means to Clean Up - Five Year Old Style

Some nights, I walk into the house & immediately get crabby. The house is a disaster area and it’s my fault.

I say it’s my fault because I:
a. Let the kids make a “fort” the night before, and all the pillows didn’t get put away (nor did any of the other toys/books they got out)

b. Got the kids into their jammies in the family room and didn’t pick up the dirty clothes on my way upstairs to tuck them in

c. Had a new book I really wanted to read so I lazed out on picking up the kitchen

d. Ate a snack in the family room and never brought the dish to the kitchen later

e. Watched TV under a blanket and upon awakening on the couch an hour later, proceeded to make a bee line for the bedroom without regard to putting away the blanket

f. Didn’t insist that everyone pitch in on the clean-up along the way

g. Am guilty of all of the above!!!!


Before anyone rolls their eyes and says, “Oh, my gosh. What a slob!”, send me a comment telling me that you are perfect and have never had such an evening. Regardless, my laziness always comes back to bite me in the butt.

The grand plan is to pick everything up in the morning. Yah, right – I have two kids & a husband! I don’t know why I can’t get it through my thick skull that morning is only a finite amount of time because I refuse to get up any earlier than five & I need to get to work around eight. Oh, and did I mention, I usually have a load of laundry to fold each morning? Right now, this chore is a welcome one as I have a dryer that works - but I've already covered this topic.

Plan “B” is to clean it up when we get home, but the kids are clamoring for a show, some gum, some yogurt, dinner. Now, I’m huffing & grumbling about all the noise & mess.

I decide the first order of business is to get the kids to be quiet. My mind is spinning with all these tasks (totally picturing a tornado filled with dishes, blankets, food, books, etc. above my head), but I manage to start a TV show.

Next, I need to find enough room on the counter to prepare dinner. I stack the coloring pages & art projects brought home from school along with the unopened mail. Amongst the crap remaining on the counters are a prescription bottle, bucket-o-crayons, a power cord, a hairbrush, several stickers with no sticky left on the back, some jewelry, receipts, and other “stuff”.

I’m working on making space when Cupie leaves the kitchen island. I figure she’s tired of listening to me crab and is moving to the couch so she can hear the TV better.

As I’m finishing the peanutbutter & jelly sandwiches, she comes back in the kitchen wearing a very proud smile. She says, “Mommy, I cleaned the family room for you.”

I said, “Oh, thank you honey! You get a marble for helping and another one for volunteering instead of being asked!”

I turned around (why do I keep turning my back on them???) and looked at the family room. Cupie had cleaned up all right – cleaned up the floor! She put all the clothes, shoes, toys, books, pillows, blankets on the couch & chairs. The floor looked AWESOME! You could walk into the room, but there was no place to sit down!

No matter, she got her marbles anyway – it was so sweet that she helped out all by herself.



Silver lining:

1. The mess in the family room was consolidated so it was easier to put it all away.

2. My daughter is two marbles closer to the all important "Sleep Over" line on her marble jar.

3. I have been reminded (once again) how important it is to go to bed without leaving such a mess!!! Honestly, I don't think I will ever learn this lesson because I have a lot of relapses. Note the first sentance says "Some nights . . ."; then later I say, "my laziness always comes back to bite me in the butt." You can rightly infer that this lesson has not been imprinted on my brain.

What it Means to Clean Up - Three Year Old Style

I have an almost three year old - Stinkles. She is somewhat trying (what kid isn’t at that age), but cute & funny.

I bought a table & chairs for the basement playroom this past weekend. I wanted to get the Play-doh, crayons, markers, glue, etc. off my kitchen island. There is only room for two at the island anyway so when other kids are over, I didn’t have enough room to keep them all busy with these types of activities. With the table, they can play all they want downstairs.

Of course, as soon as I got it home, my girls wanted the table set up – they were ready for Play-doh! I surveyed the playroom and it was a disaster area. Babies, blocks, & dress-up clothes were strewn all across the 12 X 14 play area. The first order of business became cleaning up so there was room for the table.

I gave each girl a job and then started picking up the plastic food & mini cookware in the kitchen area. My back was to them and I heard Stinkles singing the clean-up song – “Clean up, clean up everybody everywhere. Clean up, clean up everybody does their share.” But there was another sound - whishoo, whishoo, whishoo. I turned around and there she was on the Sit-N-Spin!! How that activity is cleaning up, I’ll never know. I guess I have to be a little more specific, “Now Stinkles, pick up the blocks. That means picking up the block and placing it in this box. Then, you pick up another one and do the same thing . . .”

Kids – argh!

Silver lining:
1. The playroom was clean for two hours.
2. I was able to clean the kitchen island off so there is NOTHING on it!

My Maytag Repair Man - Part 2

Can you hear the alleluia chorus???????

I HAVE A WORKING DRYER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long before the dryer went kaput, we had started taking the washer & dryer off the pedestals that raised the openings to waist level. We had managed to get the pedestal out from under the dryer, but then ran out of steam (story of our lives, I swear). While the dryer was out of commission (and out of the laundry room), I wanted to get the washer off its pedestal - if anything deserves to be on a pedestal, it's me! My husband recently had hernia surgery and can't lift anything heavier than 25 lbs so his assistance in lifting a 100 lb wash machine is virtually nil. I wiggled the washer back & forth until I got it about half way off the pedestal.

Then, I started the "tip & swing" method to try to get it onto the floor. This was not working because the metal pan under the pedestal kept moving with each swing. Turns out there is a metal flap on the bottom of the washer catching on the pedestal frame; which, in turn, was making the metal pan move. Good thing my de-herniated husband was there to hold the flap while I tipped & swung the wash machine one more time. Finally, the washer was on the floor! I moved the pedestal to our room so I could stand on it and be worshipped as the laundry godess.

I was getting the pedestal thing out of the way because once the dryer was back in the laundry room, it would have been much harder to remove. Our neighbor, Emerson, was coming back over to assist with the dry repair, but he had to wait until his daughter was tucked into bed for the night. I wanted to have as much done as possible so we didn't keep him too long - it was a work night after all.

The dryer part arrived this past Saturday - I had been without a working dryer for almost three weeks!!!

For the most part, Hubby and I got the belt back on the drum & looped everything back into place. After sorting through the little numbered & labeled snack baggies of screws, I attached the back panel. Emerson arrived and I let him mostly take over. Of course, he had the part replaced & the dryer back together lickety-split. We pushed the dryer into the laundry room.

Dryer plugged in - check!
Press "Start" - check!
Drum turns - CRASH!

We had plugged it in, pressed start & nothing happened. At least the drum turned before!!! Emerson took off that back panel to check how we had looped the belt back in & discovered that we had forgotten to hook up the power supply to the motor. Duh, nothing is going to work without a motor.

Power supply to motor - check!
Dryer plugged in - check!
Press "Start" - check!
Drum turns - check!
Dryer produces heat - CRASH!

I almost cried. Emerson took the top of the dryer apart to get to the control board we replaced and found the wiring harness carrying power to the control board was also damaged. He fiddled around with it so there was a good connection and closed her back up.

Dryer plugged in - check!
Press "Start" - check!
Drum turns - check!
Dryer produces heat - check!

Silver lining:
1. I CAN DRY MY CLOTHES WITH A MACHINE!!!! I don't think there is anything else to say.

Kids, You Gotta Love 'Em - I Think It's in the Rule Book

Let me start off with this: I am not an obsessive drinker.

There are a couple of establishments in my community that specialize in adult beverages. One in particular is smoke free - The Domain Street Wine Bar.

The "Wine Bar" is a very small and intimate place with live music at least once a week (jazzy stuff). There are a few tables for two, one round table for 4-6, a corner booth & a long, beautiful wood bar with three framed, vintage looking mirrors behind it. They have outdoor seating which is great for warm days, and there are french doors across the entire front of the bar, so the outside can join the inside on especially nice days. One of the coolest features, in my mind, is a little side room.

The room is separated from the main room of the bar by two, floor to ceiling book shelves. You enter the room by walking in between these massive shelving units filled with books left over from days of the Prancing Pony (a no longer existent bookstore & deli). There are some gauzy curtains to close over the opening if you like, but that always makes me feel a little creepy. It makes me think that the people outside think there is something kinky going on inside.

This room is perfect for ladies night out, book groups, or any other small groups for that matter. I belong to the neighborhood "Needle Arts Group" and we use the room once a month. It's great because there is good food, good drinks & good company. You can imagine what my crochet projects look like by the end of the night. Because the entire bar is smoke free and low-key, it is ideal for a relaxing night out; thus, it's become a favorite.

All of this leads up to my daughter's comment on Friday.

Cupie (from the back seat of the car): I'm going to a birthday party tonight, right?

Me: That's right.

Cupie: Stinkles is going to Tessy & Prancer's church tonight, right?

Me: Yes.

Cupie: And Daddy is going to fix someone's computer?

Me: That's right honey.

Cupie: So what are you going to do tonight, go to the Wine Bar or somethin'?

I almost ran off the road trying not to bust a gut laughing. The truth was, I was staying at the birthday party with her and hadn't been to the Wine Bar in a couple of months.

The things that come out of kids mouths!

Silver lining:
1. My four year old is using the powers of deduction - pretty good at four!
2. I've reminded myself that I haven't had a ladies night out in awhile - I'll have to call the girls.

It's Not Easy Being Green (or brown in this case)

We have a fairly large toad population in our community. The kids love them and they can be kind of cute because they are so small (only about 2 1/2 inchs long). I haven't found them to be a nuisance, but others have complained about the toads piling up in the basement window wells.

Since I don't go in the basement much, I hadn't noticed this problem.

I was down there one afternoon and heard a knocking sound. I checked out the furnace - nothing going on there. I checked the airvents to see if they were blowing on two things hitting each other - nada. Then I turned around, and I saw him - there was a toad in the window well. He was jumping at the window. I swear he could see me and was trying to get my attention - "Help meeeeee"

Now, we have an egress window in our basement. This window is about four by four feet. On the outside there is removable grate on the top of the well and a ladder leading to the bottom. There is no way any animal that is able to get in there will be able to climb out.

That statement was proven by the time I actually walked over to the window where this little toad was jumping at the window. Cue the wild west ghost town music and wind noise. There were rabbit bones!!!!!! And some dried up toads!!!!! EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

Oh, my gosh! I couldn't let this little guy suffer the same fate, but I didn't want to climb in with all the dead stuff to get him out. I also didn't want him the basement so I wasn't going to just open the window & take off the screen. There is so much stuff all over the place, he could have hopped in an hidden anywhere.

My sister, Sissy, happened to be over and felt just as bad about the toad. We had to do something! If only we could reach the toad from the top. Neither one of us wanted to climb down the ladder into the well. Good thing her brain was functioning better than mine, she grabbed my daughter's butterfly net. We didn't have to actually get in if we reached down into the well with the net.

We went to the side of the house and between the two of us were able to pull the iron grate off the well. The well and the grate aren't the same size so there is a gap between the house and the grate. That explains how these critters got in there.

Kneeling on the ground, Sissy went after the toad with the net. She really had to stretch in order to get the end of the net all the way to the bottom. You lose a lot of control when you're barely holding on to the end so the toad kept jumping away before we could scoop him up.

Sissy decided one of us had to go down there. She volunteered and it wasn't until she hit the bottom that I realized she was wearing open-toed, platform shoes - really sensible for an animal rescue mission, huh?

She scooped him up and we started for the field across the street. But he hasn't had any water for awhile. We considered that for a moment and decided the best place for him was in the lake on the other side of the field. The grass was pretty long, there were thistles, and who knows what animals were creeping around in there. Good thing there is a canal near by. We walked two blocks and climbed down the grassy bank to set the toad on a patch of mud right by the water. Mission accomplished!!

Silver lining:
1. An animal was saved from a cruel death.
2. I totally felt good about the rescue. I can't imagine the guilt I would have felt if I just left him there.

Lawn = Armpit

We live in a community that does not allow gas powered lawn equipment. That means you have to use an electric lawn mower or one of those reel lawn mowers (the kind used in the opening credits of "Leave It To Beaver"). We have the latter.

Granted, the yards are pretty small. For us, we have 5X100 feet on either side of the house & 5X40 in the front. Hugh Beaumont makes it look pretty easy to push that mower, but he's probably on astroturf. In real life it isn't as easy.

We have a nice, light weight mower but if the grass gets just a little too long or there are weeds, it's tough to push. The grass has a tendency to get pushed down, instead of cut, when it is too long.

In this regard, grass is like armpit hair. You have to hit it from different directions in order to get the cut you want. Any of you ladies out there know what I'm talking about.

Silver lining:
1. I had the satisfaction of a job well done after taking the time to go over certain sections a number of times.
2. I got to get some fresh air & enjoy the nice weather.
3. I had time to just think - something I don't get a chance to do that very often with two little ones around.

BUNKO!

On the first Saturday of each month, I play bunko with a group of ladies. We are all different in age, personality, and level of obnoxiousness.

Everyone brings a dish & $5.

I'm usually the one who makes dessert, but I was hosting and I ran out of time. I had store bought cookies, cake, & pastries - I figure I made up for lacking in the home-made department with volume.

The five bucks is to contribute to the ante - there is $60 bucks total, the most of which you can win is $50. The remaining $10 goes to the loser. This is one of the few games where when you just can win, you go for the losses to at least come out ahead. It turned out to be me this weekend. My husband pointed out that the money spent on food & alcohol amounted to more than the $10 in winnings so I actually came out in the hole. Blah, blah, blah. It's not about the money, it's about the fun (well, maybe it's a little bit about the money).

Our bunko group requirements:
Minimum of 12 ladies - sometimes dancing ensues
Three sturdy tables - just in case dancing ensues
Nine dice - three for each table. It is a dice game so it's good to have these as a requirement.
Fuzzy dice - must be light weight & easy to throw
Bell - to tell everyone to sit their butts down and get to the business of rolling the dice
Lots of food - duh, since when can a bunch of women get together without food?
Something to drink - when you're in my house, it's strong alcoholic concoctions

Speaking of which, I promised to share the recipe for the Limeberry Smash.

Original:

• One can of frozen limeade concentrate (the only brand I’ve ever found was Minute Maid)
• One can of Bacardi strawberry daiquiri mixer (although we have substituted other brands with equal success)
• One can of lemon-lime soda (Sprite, Sierra Mist, 7-Up, etc.)
• One can or bottle of beer
• One of the 12 oz juice concentrate containers re-filled with tequila
• Combine all of the ingredients in a pitcher and stir until well mixed. You may also choose to use a blender to mix it up; beware, though, that even a 64 oz blender pitcher has a hard time holding all of the mix (most glass blender pitchers are smaller than that), so you might have to split it up.

The variation served on bunko night:

• One can of frozen lemonade concentrate
• One can of frozen limeade concentrate
• One small container (8-10 oz) of frozen strawberries
• One can of lemon-lime soda (Sprite, Sierra Mist, 7-Up, etc.)
• One can or bottle of beer
• One of the 12 oz juice concentrate containers re-filled with tequila

Although the strawberries weren’t blended the other night (perhaps I had already been hitting the liquor to not think of that?), I would suggest blending at least some of the ingredients together in order to chop up the strawberries.

Sometimes this has come out more tart than others, for whatever reason, so you could add a little bit of Splenda (or use sugar or whatever is your preference) to help sweeten it up a bit.

This is sooo yummy and considering the amount of tequila in it, you can imagine how the descriptor "Smash" became part of the name. Let's just say the pitcher went pretty fast and the party really started rollin'!

On that note, let's talk about Debbie. She has what some would say is a generous bossom - I call 'em honkers. I can say that because I've got 'em too. Alcohol has a tendency to make her warm up and she was sucking up the Limeberry Smash. Next thing you know, we need to turn up the fan because her boobs are sweating.

Now, with the fan going on high, the throwing of the fuzzy dice could become a hazard. Every time someone got bunko, the first words out of my mouth, were "Watch the fan!" Those fuzzy dice take flight between the last & the new bunko winners, because why walk the fuzzy dice over to the next person with a bunko, when you could flick them across the room?

Another requirement is background music. Background my a**, when you've got Sandy around. Apparently, she has basic television at her house. I didn't think that actually existed anymore, and one would only find reference to it in the Smithsonian. I'm sure it's right there, next to the TV dinners and Fonzie's jacket.

We happen to Dish Network with all the Sirius radio stations as well as a universal remote. She was in the mood for 80's so I gave her a brief tutorial on how to operate the remote and then left her to fiddle. The whole "guide" thing was not sinking in so she would just use the arrows to move the channel up and down so there was all kinds of music spewing from the speakers.

Of course, once we were on an 80's channel, there was something really good and we cranked it up. I had the standard satellite remote and slowly turned the music down because not everyone appreciated Prince's "I Would Die For You". Come on, admit it, if you grew up in the eighties, you just did the little hand motions - don't forget to bring the one shoulder up & out. You probably threw in a wink too.

This episode prompted a request for 60's music. May I remind you, Sandy had the universal remote & I had the standard remote. Sandy & I had just a tiny bit of alcohol in us (if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you). I, as the fabulous hostess I am, was joyously willing to oblige. Sandy was not. We had a little battle of the remotes until I grabbed the universal one and stuck my tongue out at her.

The 60's music coincided with a new round of play; thus, the first target is a "one" on the dice. That made me think of "One is the Lonliest Number". I only know the chorus on this one, so once I've had a little bit to drink, I repeat this over & over every time the target is "one". I'm famous for it. Well, may not famous outside the bunko circle, but amongst 12-15 ladies, I am.

The night was fun and I highly recommend that everyone find at least 12 people to play bunko with (click the title above for a link to the basic rules). It's awesome for stress relief - and a good excuse to kick the guys out the house and have "Ladies Night In"!

Until next time, that's it!

Silver lining:
Don't really need one! Bunko rocks!

My Hose Experience

Months ago, I planted flowers in the front of the house. Typical spring-time activity, right?

I needed to water those flowers, but I've always gotten dirty, dragging a hose though the mulch in order to water so I bought this cute little hose pot and a red hose (to match the house). I planned on hooking the regular hose, which ran thru the mulch, up to this - my hose would remain pristine on the porch in its little pot.

So I planned to go drag the hose reel out of the garage, hook it up to the side of the house, run the hose along the foundation & hook it up to the pristine red hose.

In the winter or perhaps very soon after we moved into our house (Sept 2007), my husband moved the hose reel into the garage, without the hose on it!

I rolled my eyes, attached the hose, wound it up, and wheeled it over to the faucet. When I got there I realized there was no leader hose. Roll my eyes again & head back to the garage. No leader hose in there either - we needed to get a new one. Whoo who, a trip to Home Depot!

With the flowers already planted, I hooked the hose directly to the faucet & moved on with my plan.

Did you notice that I was writing this post in September? Well it's time to replace the spring flowers (mostly dead by now) with fall flowers. So I got rejuvinated in my hose reel challenge. I got out the teflon tape & the leader hose I bought in the Spring and started with my pristine red hose.

How much teflon tape does it take to water flowers? I'll tell you:

• I have a quick-connect on the sprinkler head so both ends needed it
• The green hose meeting the red hose also has a quick-connect - two more pieces.
• The green hose at the hose reel has no quick-connect so it's only one piece.
• Leader hose from the hose real - again no quick-connect - one piece
• Leader hose meeting the timer should only be one piece, but what is this??????

The leader hose has a male & female end - normal! I attached the female end to the hose reel, but the male end had a problem. The timer is also a male attachment. I needed a hose repair kit in order to make the other end of the hose female; thus, be able to attach the hose to the faucet. Back to Home Depot!

Back to the teflon tape list:

• Attach the leader hose to the timer - one piece
• Attach the timer to the faucet - last piece!!!

That's eight pieces of teflon tape - good thing a had a brand new roll!

I rolled up the excess hose, turned on the water, went up on the porch & grabbed my sprinkler wand. Nothing happened. There must be a kink somewhere. Nope, there was water spewing out the bottom of the hose reel. Darn-it! Somehow during this process, I had done something to the end of the hose. I needed another hose repair kit. Yay, another trip to Home Depot!

All is now well because I got a repair kit and one of those little pieces of hose with a spring on it to prevent kinking. That little piece has two ends on it (because it gets attached to the hose, it's not a repair kit) so there were two more pieces of teflon tape involved.

I turned on the water again and it spewed out the bottom of the hose reel again!!!!!!! Apparently, I didn't have the connection between the springy hose and the hose reel tight enough. I got that fixed with my handy, dandy locking pliers from my personal tool bag - stole it out of my husband's tools, but he had two & I use it more. Maybe there wasn't anything wrong with the other hose end after all - probably a wasted trip to Home Depot.

Still counting the teflon tape from the first attempted connection, because it was piece used up, I was up to ten pieces of teflon tape. Whew, I could now water the flowers.

Did I mention a storm was rolling in last night? I'm sure everyone driving by thought I was an idiot for watering my flowers before a storm. Hah, got them! We never got more than a sprinkle! Good thing I watered.

So, it takes ten pieces of teflon tape & three trips to Home Depot to water the flowers!

Silver lining:
1. It only took three trips to Home Depot - not bad considering the general concencensence is six trips for a typical repair.
2. I am an expert at teflon tape application & fixing hoses.

Have You Ever Laughed So Hard You Hurt Yourself?

Two things upfront:
1. I warned her
2. We are white and live in the suburbs

OK. So, I was telling folks about my new blog. Of course, I was sending out e-mails because nobody uses the phone any more for this stuff. It would be way too hard for anyone to remember www.herfun.blogspot.com if it were relayed using your voice. E-mail gives everyone a chance to immediately click on the link and check it out. I'm pretty sure you can click on the little "Subscribe Post Atom" thing at the bottom to set up some kind of e-mail notification when I post something new. But, I digress.

Back to telling people about my blog. My best friend, Roxie, sends me back a quick note, which turned into a string. Well, this is how it went (I've put the exchange in the proper order):

From: LI
Sent: Thursday, September 04, 2008 3:04 PM
To: A bunch of people
Subject: Re: Bloggin'

Hey all!

I've decided the events of my life are pretty gosh darn funny so I've started a blog.
I've only got one post, but I plan on doing two or three a week.
For my funny life go to www.herfun.blogspot.com

L.


From: Barbie
Sent: Thursday, September 04, 2008 3:09 PM
To: LI
Subject: Re: Bloggin'

Dude, you seriously have far too much free time.


From: LI
Sent: Thursday, September 04, 2008 3:12 PM
To: Barbie
Subject: Re: Bloggin'

Dude - don't be dissin'
You might be the next subject :)


From: Barbie
Sent: Thursday, September 04, 2008 3:48 PM
To: LI
Subject: Re: Bloggin'

Lissn' up homegirl..I didn't sign no release form givin' you permission to use my bidness up in here.


From: LI
Sent: Thursday, September 04, 2008 3:48 PM
To: Barbie
Subject: Re: Bloggin'

Did you get your head going side to side & snap your fingers while writing that?



From: Barbie
Sent: Thursday, September 04, 2008 3:51 PM
To: LI
Subject: Re: Bloggin'

girl...ya know it. I did the head bob and followed it with an "mmmm hmmmm"

The string continues on, but we've both gone back into the white, suburbanites we are - not as funny. The funny part is that at this point, I'm laughing so hard, I nearly had tears rolling down my face and started to slap my hand on the desk. Did I mention there is a spiral bound notebook nearby? Yah, I totally scratched the edge of my hand on the end of the spiral - OW! The scratch is right at my knuckle and it's pretty tender, but it was totally worth it! How often do you and a good friend have such a minimal amount of communication, but it ends up being the highlight of your day?

Silver lining:
1. Duh, a few minutes of a dull workday were filled with laughter.
2. I kept my word & made her the subject of my next post.

My Maytag Repair Man

I'm a newbie to blogging, but I gotta write this stuff down somewhere!

The dryer broke last week - no heat. A neighbor, Emerson, came over and helped my husband disassemble it so they could figure out what was wrong. Good thing Emerson was there; Hubbyb is pretty handy, but this was definitely a job for someone with a little more experience.

Let's just say, I now have a dryer in pieces and a part (hopefully, the right one) on the way. The laundry room is on the second floor of our house - thank goodness; otherwise, I'd have parts strewn about the main living area!

Right now the drum is sitting at the top of the stairs. I never thought there was enough room for a little table in the corner up there, but we've gotten used to the drum being there. Maybe I should throw a piece of plywood and a table cloth on top. There is an outlet so I could add a lamp and some chochkies.

Our laundry was really starting to pile up because I thought Hubby and Emerson would get it fixed and I'd be able to move on. Nope - it's been down since last Wednesday and the part should arrive in 5-7 days from now. So, I've had to improvise. I have laid my daughter's waterproof mattress pads over the stair railing and laid clothes across them. I have underwear draped over hangers and hanging from the hall bathroom shower rod. I don't have a lot of those pants hangers, you know, the ones where the pants are hung at full length, so I've got binder clips holding pants lengthwise from regular hangers.

The upstairs is a sight to behold! You can only imagine!

Silver lining:
1. I've learned to prioritize the laundry so we've all got clean clothes instead of a bunch of clean towels, but nothing to wear. I have more clean clothes hanging in my closet than I usually do.
2. It's spurred us on to finally organize the laundry room. It's pretty tight and storage has been lacking. This project has given us an excuse to actually change that.
3. My husband actually listened to me about getting help with a household repair!!!

I'll keep you posted!

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Cupie's Journey to Kindergarten

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Click here to return to original post
Slipping Through My Fingers
Lyrics & Music Written by: ABBA
Vocals: Siobhan McCarthy

Schoolbag in hand
She leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye
With an absent-minded smile
I watch her go
With a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I'm loosing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes
Her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake
I let precious time go by
Then when she's gone
There's that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt
I can't deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
Well some of that we did
But most we didn't
And why I just don't know

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers -

Schoolbag in hand
She leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile

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